*N Sync. Chances Are
Title: Chances Are
Series: The Story of Us (V.2.0)
Pairing: Choey.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do at all with *N Sync, Backstreet Boys, their families or associates. The following story is a fiction work, loosely based on their public personalities but any actual resemblance to them is just a coincidence. No harm intended, no profit made. The story is just for the fans enjoyment and not a single word of it is true.
Notes: AU. OMG, we’re almost there. And as always, can’t thank milosflaca enough for hand holding, proof reading and kicking me on the head a couple of hundred times when I was delying the end. To pensnest for her amazing first beta and recommendations, and to evilshelly who betaed even after a root canal. Now that’s love.
Summary: Chris-less *N Sync. Nick has a plan, Justin is depressed, Howie is still around.
* * * * *
“Nick!” Justin’s face lit up when he saw his friend walking towards them. The others had insisted on going clubbing together in Cleveland, of all places, and even though Justin was convinced that Chris and Joey would have preferred to be alone, he had agreed to go. He didn’t want them to suspect that he was still depressed. “What are you doing here?”
“Invading your tour,” Nick answered, hugging him. “With Brian and Kevin doing the whole ‘married without children’ thing; and Howie busy with Foundation work; that left me and AJ alone. Then I remembered ‘hey, everyone knows Justin and I are friends now’ and well, I thought it would be cool to be around without hiding.”
“I don’t know, Kevin could say that we’re corrupting you,” JC said, to Justin’s surprise. He hadn’t expected JC to agree that Nick could stay with them, much less to make a joke about it.
“We leave that honor to AJ, don’t worry,” Nick sat down, next to Justin, and just like that, the ice was broken.
“He’s not doing a great job, if you’re willing to hang out with us,” Justin said, shaking off his confusion. “Obviously, it’s a step up from hanging with them.”
“And if you say it, it must be true, right?” Nick playfully hit Justin’s shoulder, and took a drink of his beer.
“Of course,” Justin answered, making everyone laugh.
Seeing Nick joke around with his friends, made Justin smile. It was one of the good things that had come out of all his ruined plans. Maybe he hadn’t been able to get Chris into *N Sync, maybe he had completely misread Chris’ wishes, and almost destroyed *N Sync in the process. But now his friends were happy, and he figured he could be happy as well. He really didn’t have any reason to complain.
He just had to convince himself of that.
* * *
“Where’s Justin?” Joey asked, when Nick sauntered into the room he and Chris shared. He had been watching TV while Chris had his weekly phone call with Kate.
“Britney called him,” Nick said, smiling. “Do you think we can get Lance and JC in here?”
“Sure.” Joey went out to fetch his friends, wondering what Nick was up to. The fact that he was there had cheered Justin a little, but they all knew that it was only temporary. All jokes aside, no one in Jive would allow Nick to become a roadie for *N Sync. The Backstreet Boys would like their fifth member back sometime soon.
“I think we have half an hour or so before Justin hangs up,” Nick said, once they were all together. “So let’s be quick because if he gets it into his head that we don’t want him to hear our conversation, everything will get worse.”
Joey closed the door, so they would have some privacy.
“So, you know what’s wrong with Justin, right?” JC asked, with a worried frown “Because, he’s not talking to us about it.”
“I know.” Nick closed his eyes, and lowered his head. “Look, I know that you guys finally managed to get the idea out of his head that *N Sync should have been formed with you five, but that’s why he’s down. He really wanted that to happen.”
“You’re not going to suggest we let him think it still might work, are you?” Chris frowned. Joey knew that he was still worried about JC’s reactions whenever a DJ or a critic mentioned the slight connection between Chris and *N Sync.
“No!” Nick’s head jerked up. “No, that wouldn’t be good, either. My idea is much simpler. Look, you guys know what Justin wants, don’t you?”
“To be proven right?” Lance said, half-joking, half-serious. JC chuckled at that, and Joey wondered when they had gotten to the point where Justin’s eternal conviction of being right had become a joke. It used to be something they didn’t talk about at all. Joey knew he had never mentioned how much it bothered him because he thought the others didn’t mind, and he guessed that the same had happened with Lance and JC. And because they didn’t talk about it, what could’ve been easily fixed at the beginning had festered until their fight the day when Chris came to join the tour. But after the fight, when everything had come out, it had changed. They mentioned it, they joked about it, and now it didn’t hurt that much when Justin acted as if he was the only one who could be right.
Now that he thought about it, even Justin was making jokes on the subject now. And that, as far as Joey was concerned, was for the better, because jokes aside, they were closer than before. There were no more secrets among them, except for the uncertainty about Lance’s love life, which wasn’t really a secret. Even Chris was waiting for the day when Lance would admit that he was dating his Molly.
“We thought about it,” JC explained. “But we’re not sure if Johnny will agree to our collaboration on Chris’ CD and our next one is not even being planned yet.”
“And what about one live show?” Nick asked. “I’m not talking about a whole show. Just one song so everyone can see what Justin always dreamed of.”
“What do you mean?” Chris said, getting up from his seat on the single bed to get a soda from the room fridge.
“Oh, come on, it’s obvious.” Nick looked around the room as if he was expecting them to pick up on what he was saying. “All that talk about Chris’s dream was just to hide what Justin really wanted. He was convinced things were going to go his way and Chris was going to join the group. I don’t blame him, if it had been AJ or Howie, I would’ve wanted the same.”
“I don’t think you can compare the situations,” JC said, getting a little defensive.
“Back when we started, it was AJ, Howie, me and two other guys. Only those two other guys kept changing, so I spent most of my time rehearsing with AJ and Howie. If either of them had left back then, I’m sure I would’ve wanted him to come back at least for one show.”
“We could do that,” Lance mused, nodding slowly. Joey knew that smile. Inside Lance’s head, a plan was forming.
“I don’t think I can learn one of your songs before your tour is over. My knees wouldn’t take it,” Chris said, handing Joey a can of soda. “I wouldn’t have a problem with the lyrics, but the actual dancing would be out of the question.”
“Then what about one of our slow songs?” Joey ventured. While deep inside he didn’t believe it could happen, it wasn’t a really bad idea. If it worked, it would give Justin some closure.
And to tell the truth, he was a little curious as to how they would sound with Chris.
Of course, even if Chris, Lance and he were on board with the idea, there were three other people who would never agree.
“I think I know what would be the perfect song,” JC suddenly said, surprising Joey. It had never crossed Joey’s mind that JC would be willing to sing on a stage with Chris, even though JC had been the one to push forward the idea of collaboration. “And I know when the perfect time would be.”
* * *
The most complicated part of JC’s plan was keeping Justin in the dark for a month. That meant that while he was with *N Sync, Nick had to be the decoy.
While Chris, Joey, JC and Lance rehearsed every night, Nick kept going out with Justin, trying to keep him busy.
Clubs, dinners, late movies, looking back, he had gotten the worst part of the deal. Lance only had to convince Johnny and Theresa of their plan.
“You know that when Kevin comes back, he’s going to show up at our bus with a shotgun, right?” Justin asked, sitting down at their table. They had been out for three hours, and Nick was running out of excuses to stay. He had promised the guys he would keep Justin busy for four hours. “If he finds out you spent all your free time with us, he’ll insist on that stupid theory about you being in love with me.”
“I was hoping that you had a plan to make him understand that it’s not true,” Nick sighed. The truth was that he was just hoping that Kevin would forget about it. He hoped that there were other things more important to Kevin on his honeymoon than Nick’s love life.
“It would help if you were looking for someone,” Justin said, mindful of the fact they were in public. “Look, Nick, I know what you’re doing, and it’s ok. You don’t need to.”
“You… you know?” Nick repeated, startled.
“Yeah. You’re here to cheer me up,” Justin answered, smiling brightly. Nick bit back a sigh of relief, because it was true, even though it wasn’t the most important reason. And if Justin believed Nick was there to cheer him up, it’d keep Nick’s other mission secret.
“I’m fine. I just need a little time.”
“So, you’re really fine with all this now?”
“Yeah.” Justin looked down at his drink and Nick knew that was not the whole truth. “I mean, sort of. I just wanted him to sing with us, you know? Maybe next year we’ll be able to do collaborate or something. I just need a bit of time.”
Nick nodded, careful not to smile. He had heard Justin’s wishful thinking more than once, since it always came back to the same thing: singing with Chris. If the others did their part, Justin wouldn’t have to wait long.
* * *
“Absolutely not,” Johnny shook his head, after listening to Lance and JC. Joey and Chris were sitting at the far end of the office, listening to Theresa list all the reasons why it was a bad idea. “Forget it, you’re not doing it.”
“It could be a good thing for all involved,” Lance said, calmly. The four of them had spent some time figuring out the reasons Johnny would come up with for refusing to go along with their idea, and working out counter-arguments for all of them. It was a long shot, but they all wanted to give it a try. “First of all, it would be great publicity for Chris’ album.”
“And what would *N Sync get out of it?” Johnny asked, looking at Chris. “Don’t take me wrong, Chris. I’m all for ideas that will get you in the spotlight, but not at the expense of my other clients. Pulling a stunt like this, during a live TV presentation, without rehearsal, could just end up blowing up in our faces.”
“We have been rehearsing,” JC piped in. “It’s one of the slow songs, so there’s no choreography that can go wrong. And even if we’re planning to surprise Justin, we’re sure the show will go on perfectly. It sounds great so far, and when we add Justin’s voice, it will sound amazing.”
“It’ll also prove, once and for all, that Pearlman was lying when he claimed that he was the mastermind behind all this,” Lance added. This was his big selling point, and the one in which he personally was most interested in. Ever since the announcement of ‘Making the Band’, the knowledge that the man was parading himself as the one responsible for their success had been a thorn in Lance’s side. “Justin always talked about how he had the idea to form a group with Chris. The fact that Chris is here, that he sings, and that he’s our friend, will be enough in the minds of our fans. We just have to phrase the introduction carefully, so no one leaves with the wrong idea.”
“That would be good publicity, I’ll give you that,” Theresa agreed. “But it’s not enough to let you all make fools of yourselves on HBO. And I’m including you in this, Christopher.”
“It would also prove to some people that they don’t lip sync,” Chris said, quietly. Lance smiled at him, encouraging. “Hate to say this, but even some fans are convinced that every group that doesn’t play their own instruments can’t really sing live either.”
“And how this would prove that they can?” Johnny asked, looking quite unconvinced.
“Because if Justin is surprised, it will be obvious that it wasn’t rehearsed. Everyone knows he can’t act.” Joey got up from his seat, and walked towards Johnny. “Look, Johnny, you know it’s not a bad idea. Justin has been talking about Chris forever; even the fans have a lot of theories about that. And now that Chris is being promoted, and people know about him, the theories have gotten even crazier. It’s not only Justin who wants us to sing with Chris, the fans want to hear us singing together too, why not give everyone what they want? Just for one song, and then, well, we won’t ask for another collaboration again unless you want us to do one.”
“Last time I heard that promise, I ended up going to the Cauldron,” Johnny pointed out after a moment of silence.
“And didn’t that work out for the best?” Lance asked, smiling. That was true, for everyone involved.
“I want to hear you four sing, first.” Johnny looked at them all. There was a surprised expression on Theresa’s face. Lance sighed. They had won the first round. “If you don’t sound awful, I’ll consider the idea and pitch it to HBO, since they don’t like surprises. And exactly how are you going to make sure that Justin knows what to sing without telling him what’s going on?”
“We’ve got Nick working on that,” JC said, getting up. “So, can we show you how we sound now?”
“Now? Can you show me you don’t suck right now?” Johnny looked really unconvinced.
“We’ve been rehearsing for a week,” Chris explained, standing next to JC, waiting for Lance and Joey to join.
Three minutes and twenty five seconds later, both Theresa and Johnny agreed to the plan.
* * *
Chris sneezed when the makeup artist started putting the first layer of powder on his face. He still hadn’t gotten used to the long hours before every photo shoot where they would dress him up and get him ready to look ‘his best’; or, as he had put it to Joey one late night, ‘his fakest’. Joey had laughed, and told him to wait until he was booked for a TV show. Then he would know what fakest really meant.
In the meantime, he was getting ready for an interview with Tiger Beat, still going through the lyrics for Justin’s surprise in his head. Theresa had accompanied him, and was repeating all the things he was supposed to, and not supposed to say. At this point, Chris was seriously considering buying a tape recorder to save her some breath.
The interview went fairly quickly. By now, Chris was starting to understand why the guys offered him their condolences when he mentioned certain magazines or radio shows. Every interview had the same questions as the one before: Favorite color, favorite type of music, his perfect date. The girl doing the interview had even gone as far as to ask if he would ever consider dating a woman, a question that had never come up before, but that Theresa had predicted fairly early would appear sooner or later. Chris managed to field that one, and the always dreaded ‘so are you single now?’ question.
He hated that last one, because he still hadn’t found the best way to phrase that he wasn’t single, without risking outing Joey. And when the interviewer was a girl, he was never able to flirt his way out of the question.
“What about your past? Any big secret romances?” the reporter, who looked around Molly’s age, asked with a knowing smile. “Lost boyfriends you wish you could see again?”
“I can’t complain about my love life,” Chris answered, forcing himself to smile. “As everyone, I’ve had my moments. But even if I’m not involved with someone at the moment, I still have friends, and that’s all I really need.”
The reporter smiled, and turned off the recorder. “That will be all, thank you, Chris.”
“Oh, no, thank you,” Chris answered offering his hand. “It was fun.”
“You’re a lot nicer than I imagined,” she was still smiling, but it wasn’t the flirting smile that Chris had come to recognize whenever he saw JC or Lance give an interview. It was a smile less predatory. He was going to ask her what she meant when her cell phone started ringing. “Just a second.”
While the interviewer answered her phone, Chris turned to look for Theresa, who seemed engrossed with her own phone. That was another thing he was slowly getting used to, the fact that the only times when Theresa gave him her complete attention was when reviewing an interview gone wrong. When an interview went right, she only called him to schedule the next one.
“Mr. Kirkpatrick, can we get a couple more pictures?” the photographer asked, pointing to his camera. Chris nodded, a little wary. Before the interview started, he had posed for what felt like a thousand pictures. He still didn’t get why they took that many when only three or four were published.
“Chris?” The reporter was coming towards him, her cell phone still open. “I hate to ask you this but, well, my boyfriend is a fan of yours. Could you, you know, talk a little with him?”
“Sure,” Chris said, holding out his hand. It wasn’t the first time this had happened to him, someone asking to say hi to someone on the phone. Most of the time, the other person didn’t say anything more coherent than ‘Oh, I can’t believe it’s you’, but there had been a couple of very memorable ones. “Hello?”
“Hi, elf. Nice to hear you again.”
The only thing that stopped Chris from dropping the cell phone right then was that there were people around. The nice reporter, obviously Daniel’s girlfriend, had turned her attention to the photographer, but was still close enough to see if Chris decided to throw her phone through the nearest window.
“Daniel, there’s a restraining order against you. You’re not supposed to come in contact with me at all. Since I don’t want to make a scene, I’ll not report this to the police, as long as you hang up now.” Chris whispered, fiercely, trying to keep his temper.
“No, wait, please, Chris, listen to me, I’ll be quick,” Daniel sounded sincere. It had been almost six months since he had seen his ex lover, and that was time enough for someone to change a little. He had given Howard a second chance, and while Daniel had done a lot worse than Howard, Chris still figured he could let him say his piece.
“You have one minute.”
“I wanted to apologize,” Daniel said, quickly. “I was an idiot, and it took me losing you to realize that.”
“It’s ok, it was the best for both of us.” As he spoke, Chris looked at the reporter. She smiled to him, and there was something in her smile that made Chris believe that she really didn’t know why Daniel had asked to talk to him. That made things a lot easier. “Was that all? I’m a little busy.”
“Well, that and I wanted to ask you, would you rescind that restraining order? I would really hate to lose your friendship.”
If Chris hadn’t dated Daniel for so long, he might have believed that tone. If he hadn’t been through three years of being told that he was an idiot, only to be roped again into a relationship with Daniel, he might have wanted to give him a chance. As things stood, he did the only thing he could.
He laughed.
“I can’t believe you would ask me that,” Chris said, slowly. “You obviously haven’t changed much.”
“And you have?” And now there it was; Daniel’s old anger. Chris knew it very well. Every time things didn’t go according some private script Daniel had written in his mind, his ex got angry, and when he went past a certain point, he got violent. “Now that you’re this big star you think you’re too good to give me the time of the day?”
“No, Daniel. I was too good for you when we started dating; only I didn’t realize it.”
“Don’t you dare to laugh at me, elf,” Daniel half growled. “You’ve got a lot to lose if I decide to go public with our past.”
“Oh, Daniel, would you do that?” Chris laughed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I mean, it would be nice of you to accept we dated -almost six months after we broke up- but it’s also sort of useless as far as blackmail goes. Everyone knows I’m gay. The only one who is still deep in the closet is you. I bet you have some prime real estate in Narnia by now.”
“And what about your boyfriend, Howard?” Daniel interrupted him, now sounding really mad. “Wouldn’t the press be interested in knowing about your sordid past with a Backstreet Boy?”
Chris closed his eyes. Six months ago, Daniel’s threat would have carried some weight. But now he knew how the gossip business worked, now that he had spent time away and had gained some perspective of all the things he had done wrong while going out with Daniel, it was an empty threat.
“Which Backstreet Boy?” Chris asked, carefully. “You can say whatever you want to say, Daniel, but in the end, you have more to lose. If you try to leak a story that you’re not sure is true, because you know, Howard is not that rare a name, I can, very easily talk about my relationship with you, and show photos to prove it. Your girlfriend sounded very interested in my past love life, you know?”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Daniel practically spat in Chris’ ear.
“Goodbye, Daniel. Have a good life.” Chris smiled and hung up.
Looking at the phone, Chris sighed. The last time he had seen his ex boyfriend had been when Daniel had forcibly entered Chris’ house when Chris was having a fun evening with Justin and the guys. The first time Chris had been able to talk with Joey.
After that time, he had felt empty. Even when Daniel had been thrown out of his life, Chris had let himself be used and manipulated. If it hadn’t been for his sisters, he would’ve let Daniel keep using him as a door mat.
Now, however, he had to admit that he felt closure on the relationship. His life with Daniel was a closed book, and, unlike his past with Howard, it was something he would never have to revisit again.
* * *
Justin knew the others were planning something.
He had suspected something was going on ever since Nick joined their tour ‘visiting’, because it was weird that Nick would spend all his free time with *N Sync. And once Nick left, promising to return as soon as he could, Justin’s suspicions were cemented.
Before the impromptu visit, Nick called him once a week when he could. Justin called Nick almost every day, but that was because he’d been feeling miserable and in need of some cheering up. After the visit, however, Nick called him daily. Like a clock. At eight when they were on the road, at midnight when they had a concert.
Sure, he always had something interesting to talk about. Sweden was great in summer, and it was always fun to hear how Nick was driving his band mates nuts. But the fact that Nick never let him hang up before at least two hours had passed - and only when Justin was too tired to keep talking - was strange.
Justin was starting to believe that maybe Kevin wasn’t as wrong as Nick said he was, and that worried him. Nick was his best friend, and he didn’t want to break his heart.
Then there was the fact that the others seemed to spend a lot of time together when Justin wasn’t around. And while he was really happy that JC had finally warmed up to Chris, it was also a little weird, especially since every time he wanted to ask about it, his cell phone rang.
And while he was never going to accuse Britney of being part of the ‘let’s distract Justin’ brigade, it was funny how she also managed to call whenever it was too late in Europe for Nick to call.
“You ok, Justin?” Chris asked, handing him a soda. He had come to visit him and Lance in their bus for a change, which warmed Justin. He was sure that Chris would rather be with Joey.
“Just waiting for my phone to ring,” Justin answered, smiling. “Hey, can I ask you something, Chris?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Is there a way to know if a guy is in love with you?” Justin asked. He figured that if anyone would notice it would be Chris. Or Lance, but he wasn’t going to ask Lance about that. Mostly because he was pretty confident he could keep Nick’s identity secret from Chris. Lance would probably figure it out as soon as he asked the question.
“What?” Chris laughed, surprised. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, I have a… friend, who has a friend, who maybe…” Justin trailed off. He knew it was a lame excuse, but he really didn’t want to out Nick. Biting his lip, he decided to change his tactics. “Never mind that. How did you know Joey was interested in you?”
“I asked him.” Chris’ answer surprised Justin. He was aware that he had missed most of the romance between his two friends, but he hadn’t imagined it had been so simple. “I saw Joey one night at a club I used to go to. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Later, when this all began, I asked him about that night.”
“And that was it?” Justin laughed. He had pictured something more complicated, probably involving some sort of secret code to keep everyone from finding out.
“You’ll have to ask Joey if there was something more for him. In my case, it was just that.” Chris seemed to think seriously about something for a moment before continuing “But what about the friend of your friend?”
“I was talking about Joey,” Justin quickly answered, changing the subject. “And you. I was just wondering about you guys.”
Chris smiled at him, in the same way he used to do when Justin got the right answer on his homework back when they first knew each other. “Next time just ask, ok? I promise I won’t get angry.”
“I will, promise. Hey, did I show you the new game I got for my Gameboy? It’s great.” Chris’ attention averted, Justin decided he was not going to ask about Nick. If he couldn’t figure out what his friends were planning, he would ask Nick directly.
In all their years of friendship, Nick hadn’t lied to him about anything important, and Justin was pretty confident that Joey, JC, Lance or Chris wouldn’t do anything terribly bad to him.
* * *
Despite living in Albany for almost five years, Chris had only visited New York City two times in his life. The first time had been with his mom, when they thought she might get a job there. They had stayed with a friend of hers from high school for a week, and the only things Chris remembered clearly from that time was that Molly and Kate cried a lot and that the Empire State building in the horizon could be seen from their bedroom window. The second time had been briefly after getting his job at Emerson, when he and a couple of friends had gone to celebrate. That had been when he met Daniel.
It never occurred to Chris that they didn’t go to New York together afterwards because Daniel didn’t want to bump into people who knew him.
Coming to New York with the tour was different. Even without the surprise they were planning for Justin, Chris could feel butterflies flying around his stomach. His act wouldn’t be broadcast, true, but that didn’t change the fact that he was going to be performing at Madison Square Garden.
The mere thought was enough to make his knees go weak.
“Hey guys!” Nick’s arrival was very timely, as Chris was in the middle of talking himself into a nervous breakdown.
“Nick!” For the first time Chris could remember, Justin didn’t seem so happy to see his friend. “I thought you were in Sweden!”
“We finished everything earlier than we thought,” Nick answered, smiling. “The others will get some vacation time there, but I wanted to come and see your big HBO special live.”
“You’ve seen this tour four times already.” Justin didn’t sound very convinced, and Chris had to admit it was a very weak excuse. He knew that Lance had asked Nick to be there, but he didn’t know why. Chris guessed Lance had his reasons, but Justin was starting to get suspicious.
The rehearsals had gone great, and Chris was sure that everything would sound perfect, as long as Justin caught on to his part on time. And he couldn’t help but admire Lance, JC and Joey. They were ready to face public humiliation for their friend.
“Chris?” Theresa called his attention, waving her cell phone in front of him. “Your sisters are at the door. Security will get them here.”
“You ok?” Joey whispered in his ear, discreetly. They were in a private room but there were still too many people coming in and out for them to feel safe.
“I’m fine,” Chris whispered back, turning to look at him. “I just can’t believe we’re going to do this.”
“Me neither, but I trust Lance. He hasn’t led us wrong so far, has he?” Joey answered, hugging him lightly.
It was true, Chris agreed. Lance had pretty much helped them every step of the way. So he breathed deeply and tried to keep his nerves under control.
They had two hours before the concert started. It wasn’t the time to get cold feet.
To be Continued...
Series: The Story of Us (V.2.0)
Pairing: Choey.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do at all with *N Sync, Backstreet Boys, their families or associates. The following story is a fiction work, loosely based on their public personalities but any actual resemblance to them is just a coincidence. No harm intended, no profit made. The story is just for the fans enjoyment and not a single word of it is true.
Notes: AU. OMG, we’re almost there. And as always, can’t thank milosflaca enough for hand holding, proof reading and kicking me on the head a couple of hundred times when I was delying the end. To pensnest for her amazing first beta and recommendations, and to evilshelly who betaed even after a root canal. Now that’s love.
Summary: Chris-less *N Sync. Nick has a plan, Justin is depressed, Howie is still around.
* * * * *
“Nick!” Justin’s face lit up when he saw his friend walking towards them. The others had insisted on going clubbing together in Cleveland, of all places, and even though Justin was convinced that Chris and Joey would have preferred to be alone, he had agreed to go. He didn’t want them to suspect that he was still depressed. “What are you doing here?”
“Invading your tour,” Nick answered, hugging him. “With Brian and Kevin doing the whole ‘married without children’ thing; and Howie busy with Foundation work; that left me and AJ alone. Then I remembered ‘hey, everyone knows Justin and I are friends now’ and well, I thought it would be cool to be around without hiding.”
“I don’t know, Kevin could say that we’re corrupting you,” JC said, to Justin’s surprise. He hadn’t expected JC to agree that Nick could stay with them, much less to make a joke about it.
“We leave that honor to AJ, don’t worry,” Nick sat down, next to Justin, and just like that, the ice was broken.
“He’s not doing a great job, if you’re willing to hang out with us,” Justin said, shaking off his confusion. “Obviously, it’s a step up from hanging with them.”
“And if you say it, it must be true, right?” Nick playfully hit Justin’s shoulder, and took a drink of his beer.
“Of course,” Justin answered, making everyone laugh.
Seeing Nick joke around with his friends, made Justin smile. It was one of the good things that had come out of all his ruined plans. Maybe he hadn’t been able to get Chris into *N Sync, maybe he had completely misread Chris’ wishes, and almost destroyed *N Sync in the process. But now his friends were happy, and he figured he could be happy as well. He really didn’t have any reason to complain.
He just had to convince himself of that.
* * *
“Where’s Justin?” Joey asked, when Nick sauntered into the room he and Chris shared. He had been watching TV while Chris had his weekly phone call with Kate.
“Britney called him,” Nick said, smiling. “Do you think we can get Lance and JC in here?”
“Sure.” Joey went out to fetch his friends, wondering what Nick was up to. The fact that he was there had cheered Justin a little, but they all knew that it was only temporary. All jokes aside, no one in Jive would allow Nick to become a roadie for *N Sync. The Backstreet Boys would like their fifth member back sometime soon.
“I think we have half an hour or so before Justin hangs up,” Nick said, once they were all together. “So let’s be quick because if he gets it into his head that we don’t want him to hear our conversation, everything will get worse.”
Joey closed the door, so they would have some privacy.
“So, you know what’s wrong with Justin, right?” JC asked, with a worried frown “Because, he’s not talking to us about it.”
“I know.” Nick closed his eyes, and lowered his head. “Look, I know that you guys finally managed to get the idea out of his head that *N Sync should have been formed with you five, but that’s why he’s down. He really wanted that to happen.”
“You’re not going to suggest we let him think it still might work, are you?” Chris frowned. Joey knew that he was still worried about JC’s reactions whenever a DJ or a critic mentioned the slight connection between Chris and *N Sync.
“No!” Nick’s head jerked up. “No, that wouldn’t be good, either. My idea is much simpler. Look, you guys know what Justin wants, don’t you?”
“To be proven right?” Lance said, half-joking, half-serious. JC chuckled at that, and Joey wondered when they had gotten to the point where Justin’s eternal conviction of being right had become a joke. It used to be something they didn’t talk about at all. Joey knew he had never mentioned how much it bothered him because he thought the others didn’t mind, and he guessed that the same had happened with Lance and JC. And because they didn’t talk about it, what could’ve been easily fixed at the beginning had festered until their fight the day when Chris came to join the tour. But after the fight, when everything had come out, it had changed. They mentioned it, they joked about it, and now it didn’t hurt that much when Justin acted as if he was the only one who could be right.
Now that he thought about it, even Justin was making jokes on the subject now. And that, as far as Joey was concerned, was for the better, because jokes aside, they were closer than before. There were no more secrets among them, except for the uncertainty about Lance’s love life, which wasn’t really a secret. Even Chris was waiting for the day when Lance would admit that he was dating his Molly.
“We thought about it,” JC explained. “But we’re not sure if Johnny will agree to our collaboration on Chris’ CD and our next one is not even being planned yet.”
“And what about one live show?” Nick asked. “I’m not talking about a whole show. Just one song so everyone can see what Justin always dreamed of.”
“What do you mean?” Chris said, getting up from his seat on the single bed to get a soda from the room fridge.
“Oh, come on, it’s obvious.” Nick looked around the room as if he was expecting them to pick up on what he was saying. “All that talk about Chris’s dream was just to hide what Justin really wanted. He was convinced things were going to go his way and Chris was going to join the group. I don’t blame him, if it had been AJ or Howie, I would’ve wanted the same.”
“I don’t think you can compare the situations,” JC said, getting a little defensive.
“Back when we started, it was AJ, Howie, me and two other guys. Only those two other guys kept changing, so I spent most of my time rehearsing with AJ and Howie. If either of them had left back then, I’m sure I would’ve wanted him to come back at least for one show.”
“We could do that,” Lance mused, nodding slowly. Joey knew that smile. Inside Lance’s head, a plan was forming.
“I don’t think I can learn one of your songs before your tour is over. My knees wouldn’t take it,” Chris said, handing Joey a can of soda. “I wouldn’t have a problem with the lyrics, but the actual dancing would be out of the question.”
“Then what about one of our slow songs?” Joey ventured. While deep inside he didn’t believe it could happen, it wasn’t a really bad idea. If it worked, it would give Justin some closure.
And to tell the truth, he was a little curious as to how they would sound with Chris.
Of course, even if Chris, Lance and he were on board with the idea, there were three other people who would never agree.
“I think I know what would be the perfect song,” JC suddenly said, surprising Joey. It had never crossed Joey’s mind that JC would be willing to sing on a stage with Chris, even though JC had been the one to push forward the idea of collaboration. “And I know when the perfect time would be.”
* * *
The most complicated part of JC’s plan was keeping Justin in the dark for a month. That meant that while he was with *N Sync, Nick had to be the decoy.
While Chris, Joey, JC and Lance rehearsed every night, Nick kept going out with Justin, trying to keep him busy.
Clubs, dinners, late movies, looking back, he had gotten the worst part of the deal. Lance only had to convince Johnny and Theresa of their plan.
“You know that when Kevin comes back, he’s going to show up at our bus with a shotgun, right?” Justin asked, sitting down at their table. They had been out for three hours, and Nick was running out of excuses to stay. He had promised the guys he would keep Justin busy for four hours. “If he finds out you spent all your free time with us, he’ll insist on that stupid theory about you being in love with me.”
“I was hoping that you had a plan to make him understand that it’s not true,” Nick sighed. The truth was that he was just hoping that Kevin would forget about it. He hoped that there were other things more important to Kevin on his honeymoon than Nick’s love life.
“It would help if you were looking for someone,” Justin said, mindful of the fact they were in public. “Look, Nick, I know what you’re doing, and it’s ok. You don’t need to.”
“You… you know?” Nick repeated, startled.
“Yeah. You’re here to cheer me up,” Justin answered, smiling brightly. Nick bit back a sigh of relief, because it was true, even though it wasn’t the most important reason. And if Justin believed Nick was there to cheer him up, it’d keep Nick’s other mission secret.
“I’m fine. I just need a little time.”
“So, you’re really fine with all this now?”
“Yeah.” Justin looked down at his drink and Nick knew that was not the whole truth. “I mean, sort of. I just wanted him to sing with us, you know? Maybe next year we’ll be able to do collaborate or something. I just need a bit of time.”
Nick nodded, careful not to smile. He had heard Justin’s wishful thinking more than once, since it always came back to the same thing: singing with Chris. If the others did their part, Justin wouldn’t have to wait long.
* * *
“Absolutely not,” Johnny shook his head, after listening to Lance and JC. Joey and Chris were sitting at the far end of the office, listening to Theresa list all the reasons why it was a bad idea. “Forget it, you’re not doing it.”
“It could be a good thing for all involved,” Lance said, calmly. The four of them had spent some time figuring out the reasons Johnny would come up with for refusing to go along with their idea, and working out counter-arguments for all of them. It was a long shot, but they all wanted to give it a try. “First of all, it would be great publicity for Chris’ album.”
“And what would *N Sync get out of it?” Johnny asked, looking at Chris. “Don’t take me wrong, Chris. I’m all for ideas that will get you in the spotlight, but not at the expense of my other clients. Pulling a stunt like this, during a live TV presentation, without rehearsal, could just end up blowing up in our faces.”
“We have been rehearsing,” JC piped in. “It’s one of the slow songs, so there’s no choreography that can go wrong. And even if we’re planning to surprise Justin, we’re sure the show will go on perfectly. It sounds great so far, and when we add Justin’s voice, it will sound amazing.”
“It’ll also prove, once and for all, that Pearlman was lying when he claimed that he was the mastermind behind all this,” Lance added. This was his big selling point, and the one in which he personally was most interested in. Ever since the announcement of ‘Making the Band’, the knowledge that the man was parading himself as the one responsible for their success had been a thorn in Lance’s side. “Justin always talked about how he had the idea to form a group with Chris. The fact that Chris is here, that he sings, and that he’s our friend, will be enough in the minds of our fans. We just have to phrase the introduction carefully, so no one leaves with the wrong idea.”
“That would be good publicity, I’ll give you that,” Theresa agreed. “But it’s not enough to let you all make fools of yourselves on HBO. And I’m including you in this, Christopher.”
“It would also prove to some people that they don’t lip sync,” Chris said, quietly. Lance smiled at him, encouraging. “Hate to say this, but even some fans are convinced that every group that doesn’t play their own instruments can’t really sing live either.”
“And how this would prove that they can?” Johnny asked, looking quite unconvinced.
“Because if Justin is surprised, it will be obvious that it wasn’t rehearsed. Everyone knows he can’t act.” Joey got up from his seat, and walked towards Johnny. “Look, Johnny, you know it’s not a bad idea. Justin has been talking about Chris forever; even the fans have a lot of theories about that. And now that Chris is being promoted, and people know about him, the theories have gotten even crazier. It’s not only Justin who wants us to sing with Chris, the fans want to hear us singing together too, why not give everyone what they want? Just for one song, and then, well, we won’t ask for another collaboration again unless you want us to do one.”
“Last time I heard that promise, I ended up going to the Cauldron,” Johnny pointed out after a moment of silence.
“And didn’t that work out for the best?” Lance asked, smiling. That was true, for everyone involved.
“I want to hear you four sing, first.” Johnny looked at them all. There was a surprised expression on Theresa’s face. Lance sighed. They had won the first round. “If you don’t sound awful, I’ll consider the idea and pitch it to HBO, since they don’t like surprises. And exactly how are you going to make sure that Justin knows what to sing without telling him what’s going on?”
“We’ve got Nick working on that,” JC said, getting up. “So, can we show you how we sound now?”
“Now? Can you show me you don’t suck right now?” Johnny looked really unconvinced.
“We’ve been rehearsing for a week,” Chris explained, standing next to JC, waiting for Lance and Joey to join.
Three minutes and twenty five seconds later, both Theresa and Johnny agreed to the plan.
* * *
Chris sneezed when the makeup artist started putting the first layer of powder on his face. He still hadn’t gotten used to the long hours before every photo shoot where they would dress him up and get him ready to look ‘his best’; or, as he had put it to Joey one late night, ‘his fakest’. Joey had laughed, and told him to wait until he was booked for a TV show. Then he would know what fakest really meant.
In the meantime, he was getting ready for an interview with Tiger Beat, still going through the lyrics for Justin’s surprise in his head. Theresa had accompanied him, and was repeating all the things he was supposed to, and not supposed to say. At this point, Chris was seriously considering buying a tape recorder to save her some breath.
The interview went fairly quickly. By now, Chris was starting to understand why the guys offered him their condolences when he mentioned certain magazines or radio shows. Every interview had the same questions as the one before: Favorite color, favorite type of music, his perfect date. The girl doing the interview had even gone as far as to ask if he would ever consider dating a woman, a question that had never come up before, but that Theresa had predicted fairly early would appear sooner or later. Chris managed to field that one, and the always dreaded ‘so are you single now?’ question.
He hated that last one, because he still hadn’t found the best way to phrase that he wasn’t single, without risking outing Joey. And when the interviewer was a girl, he was never able to flirt his way out of the question.
“What about your past? Any big secret romances?” the reporter, who looked around Molly’s age, asked with a knowing smile. “Lost boyfriends you wish you could see again?”
“I can’t complain about my love life,” Chris answered, forcing himself to smile. “As everyone, I’ve had my moments. But even if I’m not involved with someone at the moment, I still have friends, and that’s all I really need.”
The reporter smiled, and turned off the recorder. “That will be all, thank you, Chris.”
“Oh, no, thank you,” Chris answered offering his hand. “It was fun.”
“You’re a lot nicer than I imagined,” she was still smiling, but it wasn’t the flirting smile that Chris had come to recognize whenever he saw JC or Lance give an interview. It was a smile less predatory. He was going to ask her what she meant when her cell phone started ringing. “Just a second.”
While the interviewer answered her phone, Chris turned to look for Theresa, who seemed engrossed with her own phone. That was another thing he was slowly getting used to, the fact that the only times when Theresa gave him her complete attention was when reviewing an interview gone wrong. When an interview went right, she only called him to schedule the next one.
“Mr. Kirkpatrick, can we get a couple more pictures?” the photographer asked, pointing to his camera. Chris nodded, a little wary. Before the interview started, he had posed for what felt like a thousand pictures. He still didn’t get why they took that many when only three or four were published.
“Chris?” The reporter was coming towards him, her cell phone still open. “I hate to ask you this but, well, my boyfriend is a fan of yours. Could you, you know, talk a little with him?”
“Sure,” Chris said, holding out his hand. It wasn’t the first time this had happened to him, someone asking to say hi to someone on the phone. Most of the time, the other person didn’t say anything more coherent than ‘Oh, I can’t believe it’s you’, but there had been a couple of very memorable ones. “Hello?”
“Hi, elf. Nice to hear you again.”
The only thing that stopped Chris from dropping the cell phone right then was that there were people around. The nice reporter, obviously Daniel’s girlfriend, had turned her attention to the photographer, but was still close enough to see if Chris decided to throw her phone through the nearest window.
“Daniel, there’s a restraining order against you. You’re not supposed to come in contact with me at all. Since I don’t want to make a scene, I’ll not report this to the police, as long as you hang up now.” Chris whispered, fiercely, trying to keep his temper.
“No, wait, please, Chris, listen to me, I’ll be quick,” Daniel sounded sincere. It had been almost six months since he had seen his ex lover, and that was time enough for someone to change a little. He had given Howard a second chance, and while Daniel had done a lot worse than Howard, Chris still figured he could let him say his piece.
“You have one minute.”
“I wanted to apologize,” Daniel said, quickly. “I was an idiot, and it took me losing you to realize that.”
“It’s ok, it was the best for both of us.” As he spoke, Chris looked at the reporter. She smiled to him, and there was something in her smile that made Chris believe that she really didn’t know why Daniel had asked to talk to him. That made things a lot easier. “Was that all? I’m a little busy.”
“Well, that and I wanted to ask you, would you rescind that restraining order? I would really hate to lose your friendship.”
If Chris hadn’t dated Daniel for so long, he might have believed that tone. If he hadn’t been through three years of being told that he was an idiot, only to be roped again into a relationship with Daniel, he might have wanted to give him a chance. As things stood, he did the only thing he could.
He laughed.
“I can’t believe you would ask me that,” Chris said, slowly. “You obviously haven’t changed much.”
“And you have?” And now there it was; Daniel’s old anger. Chris knew it very well. Every time things didn’t go according some private script Daniel had written in his mind, his ex got angry, and when he went past a certain point, he got violent. “Now that you’re this big star you think you’re too good to give me the time of the day?”
“No, Daniel. I was too good for you when we started dating; only I didn’t realize it.”
“Don’t you dare to laugh at me, elf,” Daniel half growled. “You’ve got a lot to lose if I decide to go public with our past.”
“Oh, Daniel, would you do that?” Chris laughed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I mean, it would be nice of you to accept we dated -almost six months after we broke up- but it’s also sort of useless as far as blackmail goes. Everyone knows I’m gay. The only one who is still deep in the closet is you. I bet you have some prime real estate in Narnia by now.”
“And what about your boyfriend, Howard?” Daniel interrupted him, now sounding really mad. “Wouldn’t the press be interested in knowing about your sordid past with a Backstreet Boy?”
Chris closed his eyes. Six months ago, Daniel’s threat would have carried some weight. But now he knew how the gossip business worked, now that he had spent time away and had gained some perspective of all the things he had done wrong while going out with Daniel, it was an empty threat.
“Which Backstreet Boy?” Chris asked, carefully. “You can say whatever you want to say, Daniel, but in the end, you have more to lose. If you try to leak a story that you’re not sure is true, because you know, Howard is not that rare a name, I can, very easily talk about my relationship with you, and show photos to prove it. Your girlfriend sounded very interested in my past love life, you know?”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Daniel practically spat in Chris’ ear.
“Goodbye, Daniel. Have a good life.” Chris smiled and hung up.
Looking at the phone, Chris sighed. The last time he had seen his ex boyfriend had been when Daniel had forcibly entered Chris’ house when Chris was having a fun evening with Justin and the guys. The first time Chris had been able to talk with Joey.
After that time, he had felt empty. Even when Daniel had been thrown out of his life, Chris had let himself be used and manipulated. If it hadn’t been for his sisters, he would’ve let Daniel keep using him as a door mat.
Now, however, he had to admit that he felt closure on the relationship. His life with Daniel was a closed book, and, unlike his past with Howard, it was something he would never have to revisit again.
* * *
Justin knew the others were planning something.
He had suspected something was going on ever since Nick joined their tour ‘visiting’, because it was weird that Nick would spend all his free time with *N Sync. And once Nick left, promising to return as soon as he could, Justin’s suspicions were cemented.
Before the impromptu visit, Nick called him once a week when he could. Justin called Nick almost every day, but that was because he’d been feeling miserable and in need of some cheering up. After the visit, however, Nick called him daily. Like a clock. At eight when they were on the road, at midnight when they had a concert.
Sure, he always had something interesting to talk about. Sweden was great in summer, and it was always fun to hear how Nick was driving his band mates nuts. But the fact that Nick never let him hang up before at least two hours had passed - and only when Justin was too tired to keep talking - was strange.
Justin was starting to believe that maybe Kevin wasn’t as wrong as Nick said he was, and that worried him. Nick was his best friend, and he didn’t want to break his heart.
Then there was the fact that the others seemed to spend a lot of time together when Justin wasn’t around. And while he was really happy that JC had finally warmed up to Chris, it was also a little weird, especially since every time he wanted to ask about it, his cell phone rang.
And while he was never going to accuse Britney of being part of the ‘let’s distract Justin’ brigade, it was funny how she also managed to call whenever it was too late in Europe for Nick to call.
“You ok, Justin?” Chris asked, handing him a soda. He had come to visit him and Lance in their bus for a change, which warmed Justin. He was sure that Chris would rather be with Joey.
“Just waiting for my phone to ring,” Justin answered, smiling. “Hey, can I ask you something, Chris?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Is there a way to know if a guy is in love with you?” Justin asked. He figured that if anyone would notice it would be Chris. Or Lance, but he wasn’t going to ask Lance about that. Mostly because he was pretty confident he could keep Nick’s identity secret from Chris. Lance would probably figure it out as soon as he asked the question.
“What?” Chris laughed, surprised. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, I have a… friend, who has a friend, who maybe…” Justin trailed off. He knew it was a lame excuse, but he really didn’t want to out Nick. Biting his lip, he decided to change his tactics. “Never mind that. How did you know Joey was interested in you?”
“I asked him.” Chris’ answer surprised Justin. He was aware that he had missed most of the romance between his two friends, but he hadn’t imagined it had been so simple. “I saw Joey one night at a club I used to go to. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Later, when this all began, I asked him about that night.”
“And that was it?” Justin laughed. He had pictured something more complicated, probably involving some sort of secret code to keep everyone from finding out.
“You’ll have to ask Joey if there was something more for him. In my case, it was just that.” Chris seemed to think seriously about something for a moment before continuing “But what about the friend of your friend?”
“I was talking about Joey,” Justin quickly answered, changing the subject. “And you. I was just wondering about you guys.”
Chris smiled at him, in the same way he used to do when Justin got the right answer on his homework back when they first knew each other. “Next time just ask, ok? I promise I won’t get angry.”
“I will, promise. Hey, did I show you the new game I got for my Gameboy? It’s great.” Chris’ attention averted, Justin decided he was not going to ask about Nick. If he couldn’t figure out what his friends were planning, he would ask Nick directly.
In all their years of friendship, Nick hadn’t lied to him about anything important, and Justin was pretty confident that Joey, JC, Lance or Chris wouldn’t do anything terribly bad to him.
* * *
Despite living in Albany for almost five years, Chris had only visited New York City two times in his life. The first time had been with his mom, when they thought she might get a job there. They had stayed with a friend of hers from high school for a week, and the only things Chris remembered clearly from that time was that Molly and Kate cried a lot and that the Empire State building in the horizon could be seen from their bedroom window. The second time had been briefly after getting his job at Emerson, when he and a couple of friends had gone to celebrate. That had been when he met Daniel.
It never occurred to Chris that they didn’t go to New York together afterwards because Daniel didn’t want to bump into people who knew him.
Coming to New York with the tour was different. Even without the surprise they were planning for Justin, Chris could feel butterflies flying around his stomach. His act wouldn’t be broadcast, true, but that didn’t change the fact that he was going to be performing at Madison Square Garden.
The mere thought was enough to make his knees go weak.
“Hey guys!” Nick’s arrival was very timely, as Chris was in the middle of talking himself into a nervous breakdown.
“Nick!” For the first time Chris could remember, Justin didn’t seem so happy to see his friend. “I thought you were in Sweden!”
“We finished everything earlier than we thought,” Nick answered, smiling. “The others will get some vacation time there, but I wanted to come and see your big HBO special live.”
“You’ve seen this tour four times already.” Justin didn’t sound very convinced, and Chris had to admit it was a very weak excuse. He knew that Lance had asked Nick to be there, but he didn’t know why. Chris guessed Lance had his reasons, but Justin was starting to get suspicious.
The rehearsals had gone great, and Chris was sure that everything would sound perfect, as long as Justin caught on to his part on time. And he couldn’t help but admire Lance, JC and Joey. They were ready to face public humiliation for their friend.
“Chris?” Theresa called his attention, waving her cell phone in front of him. “Your sisters are at the door. Security will get them here.”
“You ok?” Joey whispered in his ear, discreetly. They were in a private room but there were still too many people coming in and out for them to feel safe.
“I’m fine,” Chris whispered back, turning to look at him. “I just can’t believe we’re going to do this.”
“Me neither, but I trust Lance. He hasn’t led us wrong so far, has he?” Joey answered, hugging him lightly.
It was true, Chris agreed. Lance had pretty much helped them every step of the way. So he breathed deeply and tried to keep his nerves under control.
They had two hours before the concert started. It wasn’t the time to get cold feet.
To be Continued...