always something there to remind me...
quietly over the past few days i've been going through this journal that has become invaluable to me and locking things up. i sent e-mails to the friends i know that read me letting them know that they will no longer be able to check up on me with as much ease as they have in the past. there are a few reasons why this is all going down. if you really want to know, feel free to ask, but i'm sure you can figure it out. regardless, with going through each entry one by one, i'm also reading them. i'm amazed at how much i've grown since starting this silly thing. where i once just posted code from quizzes like "which sex and the city character are you?", i'm spilling my guts. posts have become my therapy that i've allowed you to participate in for a few years. you guys know when i'm in love and when i'm a shattered mess. i dig the whole confessing thing. going back through the old posts i often wondering who certain things were about. i've tagged some entries "some guy" (there are 4 so far) because the person i thought was my moon god is now long forgotten. i've also laughed out loud about some things- like a post about licking chickens to get high. even though operation lock down is taking forever (we're talking over 1,190 posts here, kids) and is oftentimes upsetting, it's a very cool experience. i often go back to the beginning of the sex journal and re-read everything. it's totally hot, don't get me wrong, but i also like to see how my writing has been transformed into something not only sexy, but beautiful. my words blow me away and that's an incredible feeling. i realize not many have access to the sex journal, so you'll just have to trust me or ask to be let in.
i probably should have done this a long time ago to save so much drama. the moment someone asked me, and it's been a few someones, to censor myself, i should have locked this bitch up. the whole idea of random people reading me turned me on though. for now, i'll get my kicks elsewhere i suppose.
it is here i am most comfortable.
it is here i confess my sins.
it is here i am judged.
it is here i fantasize, live out my dreams, and learn.
If you are a dreamer, come in.
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer . . .
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire,
For we have some flax golden tales to spin.
Come in!
Come in!
-shel silverstein
from now on, this is mostly friends only.
*actually written 4/20/06
i probably should have done this a long time ago to save so much drama. the moment someone asked me, and it's been a few someones, to censor myself, i should have locked this bitch up. the whole idea of random people reading me turned me on though. for now, i'll get my kicks elsewhere i suppose.
it is here i am most comfortable.
it is here i confess my sins.
it is here i am judged.
it is here i fantasize, live out my dreams, and learn.
If you are a dreamer, come in.
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer . . .
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire,
For we have some flax golden tales to spin.
Come in!
Come in!
-shel silverstein
from now on, this is mostly friends only.
*actually written 4/20/06