the road to nowhere
i'm going back & forth on whether i should journal the trip - it will be long as hell & probably boring to anyone else. i'm too much of a lazy sod to type it, i think. i do want to post the stupid question list. we were paired with another group of students from pigeon forge, tn - if everyone in pigeon forge is as retarded as these people were, i'm never going to dollywood. i put my foot in my mouth so many times with these people, especially the teacher who was the dumbest of them all - i said how touristy & cliched it is to go to hard rock cafe & planet hollywood in paris - guess where they went?? then i was talking about what a fashion faux pas it is to wear a fanny pack - guess who wore one?? we actually called her fanny pack - this woman is probably the most idiotic person alive. she's an english teacher, but her main thing is teaching about ww2 & the holocaust & she threw a major fit when we thought we might not be able to go to normandy because of the 60th anniversary of d-day (we ended up going, thanks to fanny pack, but it was actually very moving because we saw the 5 living ranger vets who scaled the cliffs to get the nazis). she threw fits all the time - she was freaked out all the time & she couldn't even say fucking "merci"!!! however, she provided us all with tons of entertainment & laughs so hard i cried with her stupid questions. here are the best...
1) We're walking through Montmartre & David, our guide, points at a building & says Picasso had a studio in there. Fanny Pack asks, "So, did Picasso paint there?" Kyle says under his breath, "No, he stood on one leg & juggled." kyle, you have surpassed dave chappell as my favorite comedian!! :)
2) Still in Montmartre, Fanny Pack turns to me & asks, "Sally, are you really French?" Yeah lady, that's why I speak English with a southern accent....dumbass!
3)When David was telling everyone how to use the Metro, he was explaining how to transfer lines & that you don't need another ticket to transfer - you only need another ticket when you go out of the station above ground. So we're on a line which runs above ground for a while - Fanny Pack looks at me as we speed along & says, "I assume that since we're above ground, we have to use another ticket." oh how hard it was for me to keep pretending to be nice to this stupid woman. keep in mind that this was her THIRD fucking trip to paris & she doesn't understand the metro??!!??
4)In front of Notre Dame Cathedral, Fanny Pack asks David, "So there really was a hunchback of Notre Dame?" David says, "Uh, nooo." She replies, "I thought you said he was buried somewhere around here." WTF??!!??
5)At breakfast in the hotel, Fanny Pack asks, "Is the coffee here always this strong?" remember, this is supposedly her THIRD trip to paris.
6)At Versailles, David said that back in the olden days before cars, it would take all day to go from paris to versailles on horses. Fanny Pack says, "That was a really long ride from Paris to versailles - it must have taken them all day!" NO SHIT!
7)In St. Malo, Fanny Pack tried to get $$ out of an ATM, but it just spit her card back & didn't give her any $$ - more than likely, her card wasn't compatible with the ATM, but of course, she can't read French, so she makes a huge scene & thinks France is robbing her blind. She asks Ben, "Have you ever used the ATMs here?" Ben said "Yeah" & she asks, "Did it take your $$ too?" Ben said "No", so she asks, "Well, are you sure?" about 10 times!
8)On the metro, Fanny Pack was sitting by a girl reading a French book & she looked up at me & said, "Sally, can you really read in French?" ay yi yi the insanity
9)Not a question, but she is one of those people who will tell you the same story 50 fucking times. How many times did I want to yell - "OK, I get that you work at Dollywood in the summers!!!!!"
and finally, one from her 15-yr old son who was very nice but very stupid...
10)On the bus back to Paris from Chartres, he asks me "What was that place in Paris with the pyramids" Me: "The Louvre" Him: "It was???" Me: "Yes, we got dropped off there on Sat for lunch - it has that huge food court & you could go inside the museum after lunch." Him: "It had the pyramids???" Me: "Yes" Him: "Well, I know I saw the Mona Lisa there." Me: "Uh huh" (i am totally aggrevated at this point but i still have to play nice) Him: "But those pyramids...Are you sure it was the Louvre?" UGH!! I wanted to scream, "Yeah you moron, you had to go into the fucking place in that pyramid!!"
1) We're walking through Montmartre & David, our guide, points at a building & says Picasso had a studio in there. Fanny Pack asks, "So, did Picasso paint there?" Kyle says under his breath, "No, he stood on one leg & juggled." kyle, you have surpassed dave chappell as my favorite comedian!! :)
2) Still in Montmartre, Fanny Pack turns to me & asks, "Sally, are you really French?" Yeah lady, that's why I speak English with a southern accent....dumbass!
3)When David was telling everyone how to use the Metro, he was explaining how to transfer lines & that you don't need another ticket to transfer - you only need another ticket when you go out of the station above ground. So we're on a line which runs above ground for a while - Fanny Pack looks at me as we speed along & says, "I assume that since we're above ground, we have to use another ticket." oh how hard it was for me to keep pretending to be nice to this stupid woman. keep in mind that this was her THIRD fucking trip to paris & she doesn't understand the metro??!!??
4)In front of Notre Dame Cathedral, Fanny Pack asks David, "So there really was a hunchback of Notre Dame?" David says, "Uh, nooo." She replies, "I thought you said he was buried somewhere around here." WTF??!!??
5)At breakfast in the hotel, Fanny Pack asks, "Is the coffee here always this strong?" remember, this is supposedly her THIRD trip to paris.
6)At Versailles, David said that back in the olden days before cars, it would take all day to go from paris to versailles on horses. Fanny Pack says, "That was a really long ride from Paris to versailles - it must have taken them all day!" NO SHIT!
7)In St. Malo, Fanny Pack tried to get $$ out of an ATM, but it just spit her card back & didn't give her any $$ - more than likely, her card wasn't compatible with the ATM, but of course, she can't read French, so she makes a huge scene & thinks France is robbing her blind. She asks Ben, "Have you ever used the ATMs here?" Ben said "Yeah" & she asks, "Did it take your $$ too?" Ben said "No", so she asks, "Well, are you sure?" about 10 times!
8)On the metro, Fanny Pack was sitting by a girl reading a French book & she looked up at me & said, "Sally, can you really read in French?" ay yi yi the insanity
9)Not a question, but she is one of those people who will tell you the same story 50 fucking times. How many times did I want to yell - "OK, I get that you work at Dollywood in the summers!!!!!"
and finally, one from her 15-yr old son who was very nice but very stupid...
10)On the bus back to Paris from Chartres, he asks me "What was that place in Paris with the pyramids" Me: "The Louvre" Him: "It was???" Me: "Yes, we got dropped off there on Sat for lunch - it has that huge food court & you could go inside the museum after lunch." Him: "It had the pyramids???" Me: "Yes" Him: "Well, I know I saw the Mona Lisa there." Me: "Uh huh" (i am totally aggrevated at this point but i still have to play nice) Him: "But those pyramids...Are you sure it was the Louvre?" UGH!! I wanted to scream, "Yeah you moron, you had to go into the fucking place in that pyramid!!"