help!
i've been so emotional lately. i hate it. i got into an accident on sunday and was almost killed but i was protected by god bc the car hit right behind my driver's side door. but i keep wondering what would have happened if that car had hit my door. what if i had broken something vital, or died? i wonder how many people would have been upset. i hate how small i feel down here. there's nothing lonelier than a crowd.
i had a breakdown on monday in front of my swim team...i was a blubbering mess. i hate being like this. i feel so trapped. i don't want to break up with phil, but i need to. all i want to do is have him with me to hug me and comfort me, but even he hasn't contacted me in a couple days. no emails or phone calls. it's so odd. i wish i knew what was going on. i at least need closier. i miss him, and that is not what i need to be feeling before everything ends. i hope he's alright.
the next thing is that i feel like i have no power over my life. because of my accident, my parents have driven me everywhere. i felt like that was my only power, to be able to drive myself where i wanted to. my parents are telling me that i have to go to ccu and live at home next year, and that's not what iwant at all. i wish they would realize that they need to let me grow up and become my own person. i can't find myself if they don't let me.
like i said, i've been an emotional wreck. i'm crying at all these cheesy lifetime movies that i would normaly make fun of, i actually cried over a zit tonight, and it's not so much that it's the zit, it's that i'm frustrated and stressed right now, and i my zit was just another thing to deal with. i mean, i'm already going through enough emotional crap, i could at least look cute. is that too much to ask? ugh. i'm so vain. that's something i need to work on.
and then, i'm trying to increase my vocabulary because i talk like an airhead half the time, and i feel like i'm drowning in a sea of words. like, where the heck do i start? there's too many big words that i don't understand and only one me.
i don't care how or where....i need to get out of here.
ugh. i sound like such a brat.sorry for anyone who has just read this, because i probably just put you in a bad mood.
i had a breakdown on monday in front of my swim team...i was a blubbering mess. i hate being like this. i feel so trapped. i don't want to break up with phil, but i need to. all i want to do is have him with me to hug me and comfort me, but even he hasn't contacted me in a couple days. no emails or phone calls. it's so odd. i wish i knew what was going on. i at least need closier. i miss him, and that is not what i need to be feeling before everything ends. i hope he's alright.
the next thing is that i feel like i have no power over my life. because of my accident, my parents have driven me everywhere. i felt like that was my only power, to be able to drive myself where i wanted to. my parents are telling me that i have to go to ccu and live at home next year, and that's not what iwant at all. i wish they would realize that they need to let me grow up and become my own person. i can't find myself if they don't let me.
like i said, i've been an emotional wreck. i'm crying at all these cheesy lifetime movies that i would normaly make fun of, i actually cried over a zit tonight, and it's not so much that it's the zit, it's that i'm frustrated and stressed right now, and i my zit was just another thing to deal with. i mean, i'm already going through enough emotional crap, i could at least look cute. is that too much to ask? ugh. i'm so vain. that's something i need to work on.
and then, i'm trying to increase my vocabulary because i talk like an airhead half the time, and i feel like i'm drowning in a sea of words. like, where the heck do i start? there's too many big words that i don't understand and only one me.
i don't care how or where....i need to get out of here.
ugh. i sound like such a brat.sorry for anyone who has just read this, because i probably just put you in a bad mood.