beaver camp!!!

Aug 21, 2006 00:33

ugh. i miss camp and phil way too much.
i just had the most amazing summer of my life and now my mom is trying to make it seem like a bad thing because i met a guy that i really like and who really likes me. she doesn't think he's respectful enough of her, but i don't think she was reading his signs right. ugh. it's making things complicated.
i feel torn bcuz my mom's completely putting me on a guilt trip and she has a problem that he's four years older than me, but then i don't want to break off the relationship with him just because of her because she can't possibly know what makes me happy and i highly doubt that she really even cares. she says that she would have a hard time being around me if i were dating him, and that makes me sad bcuz she's only met him twice, and i've known him for this whole summer and we got really close.
and i know i sound like a completely little whiney brat right now, and if i were reading this on someone elses' blog it would sound like they are going for the wrong guy and that they need to listen to their mother, but phil isnt' a bad twenty one year old. he wouldnt' pressure me to do anything i wasn't ready for, and he's a great christian guy, and he really cares about me. he set up this whole romantic candlelit picnic on the top of the climbing tower for me the last night of camp. it was by far the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. we stayed up there the whole night just talking and being close to each other. i really miss him.
the thing that really scares me is that if my mom makes me break up with him, i will be the second girl to break his heart in one year, and the first time was not good at all. i don't want him to go through the same thing with me that he went through with her, because i don't want to go into all the details, but it screwed him up real bad bcuz they went too far physically and he spent all of last semester trying to regain his right mind.i don't want to be the next girl to put him through that.
i wish i could just go back to that night on the tower when my biggest worry was how close he would hold me or how hard or gentle he would kiss me.
ugh. i hate being old enough to be able to make my own decisions about my happiness and feelings, but young enough for my mom to still have the final say.i wish that she could just like him and make everything easy on me. i'm torn between obeying and honoring my mother and the only guy who has ever treated me the way i've always wanted to be treated and has showed me how much he cares for me through his everyday actions.
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