That boy has so much love
Title: That boy has so much love
Author: luvvera
Beta: My friend Nick.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Summary:
When Gabe and William broke up, Brendon decided that love didn’t exist, and for almost three months, he told Ryan they couldn’t be together, or they’d break up.
Disclaimer: So, so, so very not real.
Author’s Notes: I wrote this like two months ago and sent it to a beta who, unfortunately, didn't had time to look over it. I forgot about it until today when I was cleaning my desk and found it. My friend Nick betaed it for me, and I hope he did a good job.
That boy has so much love
Waking up to someone for the first time had been to Brendon the most frightening experience of his life. He had opened his eyes in disbelief, not trusting his memories from the night before and already building a fort around his heart so that disappointment would hit him less callously, and found a soft, pallid body sleeping by his side. The knot on his stomach had clenched painfully for an endless couple of minutes until Ryan had opened his brown starry eyes and smiled to him.
Now, almost two years later, his stomach still twirls as Ryan looks up at him and closes the distance between their lips. He’s always fearful while he waits for the ‘hi there’ that leaves Ryan’s lips as he wakes up, and his heart is apprehensively waiting for the smile that’s never missing.
Brendon is not an insecure person, but there are slight details of his relationship with Ryan that he finds nerve-wracking. He does not dread the cheating, and he’s certainly not jealous of Ryan and Spencer’s friendship -plus, he has Shane; but the thing that makes him nervous is that every time he’s with Ryan, it feels like the first time.
When they’re about to kiss, even when they have kissed a hundred million times before, Brendon feels like a teenage girl. His guts are replaced with snakes and his heart flutters and his cheeks flush and his mind is filled with images. Those of that first kiss, when they were walking back from the store and Brendon was rambling on and on about Pete and he wouldn’t shut up and it annoyed Ryan so he kissed him. That time Brendon hadn’t had time to be nervous, because he’d been too shocked, so now every new kiss makes him feel as though it is the first.
The same happens with dates. They are way past the dating stage in their relationship, but Ryan likes to treat Brendon and he takes him to dinner, or to the cinema, or to the park and sets everything up for the perfect date. Every time, Brendon tries all his clothes and tries to borrow Bill Beckett’s pants even though he knows he doesn’t fit in them, he freaks in front of the mirror and almost has a nervous breakdown before walking out the door when Ryan picks him up.
Nights are the only moment he spends with Ryan that don’t make him nervous. Mainly it is because, unlike everything else, Ryan and Brendon experienced everything together. He does not fear not being good enough, because time has taught him how to please Ryan in every way. They have learnt everything together since that first night, when Ryan took Brendon’s virginity and then bragged about it on an interview. So Brendon isn’t nervous. He knows he’s good when he hears Ryan moan and twitch under his touch, when he sees him blush at Brendon’s obscene noises and when he feels him come inside him.
Brendon’s confident about nights because they lack words. Ryan is too good with words for Brendon’s slight analphabetism, and Brendon often fears not knowing what to say or what to do. He’s always worried of using the wrong conjugation of verbs or messing up with the fancy adjectives that Ryan so mindlessly uses. He’s afraid that Ryan will someday realize that Brendon is not good enough for him.
He’s told Ryan this. When they were writing the second album, right about the time of their six-month anniversary, and Ryan showed them his lyrics for Behind the Sea and asked Brendon to sing it, Brendon told him it didn’t feel right to sing it, because “I’m not too smart.”
Ryan, smiling amiably, had answered that Brendon was just as smart as the rest, and then added, “In fact, you are smarter.”
Unfortunately, Brendon still has trouble believing those words. He believes when Ryan tells him they’ll be together forever and when he tells him he loves him more than anything, even if it seems so unlike Ryan to say so. But when Ryan says that Brendon’s smart, or a good writer or performer, Brendon doesn’t believe it. He’s insecure about himself only when it comes to Ryan.
The one good part of this insecurity is, they love it. Ryan can always tell when Brendon’s nervous, and he enjoys it more than anything. He loves seeing Brendon blush or giggle because, as he always tells him, “It keeps me alive.”
Sometimes, Brendon wishes he and Ryan could get to that stage in their relationship where they know every little thing about each other and are like really old couples that have spent all their lives together. He wishes they had the stability some other couples have, but then Ryan touches him and butterflies fill his insides and it’s all too perfect to wish for anything else.
The envy Brendon felt in the beginning of Pete and Patrick’s relationship, it melted away the first time Ryan told him he loved him, because he thought he and Ryan would be like them from then on, living together and always knowing what the other’s going to say. When Ryan said it again, and Brendon was just as surprised and happy as the first time, he realized they’d never be like them. He knows that Pete and Patrick have that type of relationship that’s perfect for them, but that Brendon would find boring.
Once he knew he and Ryan would never fit in the type of relationship Pete and Patrick have, Brendon started wishing for a love like Gabe and William’s. He enjoyed so much watching the couple that he pictured it would be marvelous to live that. Whenever Gabe and William were together, they were glued to each other. They completed each other’s sentences and knew exactly what the other was thinking all the time, but they never stuck to a routine, unlike Pete and Patrick. Gabe and William, well, they could read each other’s minds, know each other’s feeling because from the first time they’d been together, they were one. At least, to Brendon, they were, until Travis appeared.
When Gabe and William broke up, Brendon decided that love didn’t exist, and for almost three months, he told Ryan they couldn’t be together, or they’d break up. They were boyfriends-but-not-really-boyfriends for a while, until they heard that Gabe and William were back together and that Travis was engaged with Katy Perry. But Brendon didn’t want to be like them anymore either.
About that time, when they decided they were boyfriends again and celebrated their fifteen months anniversary, Brendon told Ryan they weren’t like any other couple in the world. He said that in fact, they were better, just like Ryan had told him. From that moment, their relationship acquired the genuineness Brendon loved of Pete and Patrick and Gabe and Will.
They still are unstable, and they fight a lot, but every fight is like the first fight, and ends up in them shouting their love to each other and having make up sex for endless hours. Brendon is just as nervous whenever he’s around Ryan as he’s been since the first kiss, but he’s decided that it is better that way. He enjoys the flicker of his heart and the shakiness in his hands and the knot on his stomach every time they kiss, because they help him realize it is real, they are real.
Brendon and Ryan never fall into a routine; they never get bored of each other, because they are always living a first date, and eternal blissful love that will never lose its magic. Brendon knows it is not ideal, and there are many things about it that they have to work on, but even like that, he loves it.
Author: luvvera
Beta: My friend Nick.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Summary:
When Gabe and William broke up, Brendon decided that love didn’t exist, and for almost three months, he told Ryan they couldn’t be together, or they’d break up.
Disclaimer: So, so, so very not real.
Author’s Notes: I wrote this like two months ago and sent it to a beta who, unfortunately, didn't had time to look over it. I forgot about it until today when I was cleaning my desk and found it. My friend Nick betaed it for me, and I hope he did a good job.
That boy has so much love
Waking up to someone for the first time had been to Brendon the most frightening experience of his life. He had opened his eyes in disbelief, not trusting his memories from the night before and already building a fort around his heart so that disappointment would hit him less callously, and found a soft, pallid body sleeping by his side. The knot on his stomach had clenched painfully for an endless couple of minutes until Ryan had opened his brown starry eyes and smiled to him.
Now, almost two years later, his stomach still twirls as Ryan looks up at him and closes the distance between their lips. He’s always fearful while he waits for the ‘hi there’ that leaves Ryan’s lips as he wakes up, and his heart is apprehensively waiting for the smile that’s never missing.
Brendon is not an insecure person, but there are slight details of his relationship with Ryan that he finds nerve-wracking. He does not dread the cheating, and he’s certainly not jealous of Ryan and Spencer’s friendship -plus, he has Shane; but the thing that makes him nervous is that every time he’s with Ryan, it feels like the first time.
When they’re about to kiss, even when they have kissed a hundred million times before, Brendon feels like a teenage girl. His guts are replaced with snakes and his heart flutters and his cheeks flush and his mind is filled with images. Those of that first kiss, when they were walking back from the store and Brendon was rambling on and on about Pete and he wouldn’t shut up and it annoyed Ryan so he kissed him. That time Brendon hadn’t had time to be nervous, because he’d been too shocked, so now every new kiss makes him feel as though it is the first.
The same happens with dates. They are way past the dating stage in their relationship, but Ryan likes to treat Brendon and he takes him to dinner, or to the cinema, or to the park and sets everything up for the perfect date. Every time, Brendon tries all his clothes and tries to borrow Bill Beckett’s pants even though he knows he doesn’t fit in them, he freaks in front of the mirror and almost has a nervous breakdown before walking out the door when Ryan picks him up.
Nights are the only moment he spends with Ryan that don’t make him nervous. Mainly it is because, unlike everything else, Ryan and Brendon experienced everything together. He does not fear not being good enough, because time has taught him how to please Ryan in every way. They have learnt everything together since that first night, when Ryan took Brendon’s virginity and then bragged about it on an interview. So Brendon isn’t nervous. He knows he’s good when he hears Ryan moan and twitch under his touch, when he sees him blush at Brendon’s obscene noises and when he feels him come inside him.
Brendon’s confident about nights because they lack words. Ryan is too good with words for Brendon’s slight analphabetism, and Brendon often fears not knowing what to say or what to do. He’s always worried of using the wrong conjugation of verbs or messing up with the fancy adjectives that Ryan so mindlessly uses. He’s afraid that Ryan will someday realize that Brendon is not good enough for him.
He’s told Ryan this. When they were writing the second album, right about the time of their six-month anniversary, and Ryan showed them his lyrics for Behind the Sea and asked Brendon to sing it, Brendon told him it didn’t feel right to sing it, because “I’m not too smart.”
Ryan, smiling amiably, had answered that Brendon was just as smart as the rest, and then added, “In fact, you are smarter.”
Unfortunately, Brendon still has trouble believing those words. He believes when Ryan tells him they’ll be together forever and when he tells him he loves him more than anything, even if it seems so unlike Ryan to say so. But when Ryan says that Brendon’s smart, or a good writer or performer, Brendon doesn’t believe it. He’s insecure about himself only when it comes to Ryan.
The one good part of this insecurity is, they love it. Ryan can always tell when Brendon’s nervous, and he enjoys it more than anything. He loves seeing Brendon blush or giggle because, as he always tells him, “It keeps me alive.”
Sometimes, Brendon wishes he and Ryan could get to that stage in their relationship where they know every little thing about each other and are like really old couples that have spent all their lives together. He wishes they had the stability some other couples have, but then Ryan touches him and butterflies fill his insides and it’s all too perfect to wish for anything else.
The envy Brendon felt in the beginning of Pete and Patrick’s relationship, it melted away the first time Ryan told him he loved him, because he thought he and Ryan would be like them from then on, living together and always knowing what the other’s going to say. When Ryan said it again, and Brendon was just as surprised and happy as the first time, he realized they’d never be like them. He knows that Pete and Patrick have that type of relationship that’s perfect for them, but that Brendon would find boring.
Once he knew he and Ryan would never fit in the type of relationship Pete and Patrick have, Brendon started wishing for a love like Gabe and William’s. He enjoyed so much watching the couple that he pictured it would be marvelous to live that. Whenever Gabe and William were together, they were glued to each other. They completed each other’s sentences and knew exactly what the other was thinking all the time, but they never stuck to a routine, unlike Pete and Patrick. Gabe and William, well, they could read each other’s minds, know each other’s feeling because from the first time they’d been together, they were one. At least, to Brendon, they were, until Travis appeared.
When Gabe and William broke up, Brendon decided that love didn’t exist, and for almost three months, he told Ryan they couldn’t be together, or they’d break up. They were boyfriends-but-not-really-boyfriends for a while, until they heard that Gabe and William were back together and that Travis was engaged with Katy Perry. But Brendon didn’t want to be like them anymore either.
About that time, when they decided they were boyfriends again and celebrated their fifteen months anniversary, Brendon told Ryan they weren’t like any other couple in the world. He said that in fact, they were better, just like Ryan had told him. From that moment, their relationship acquired the genuineness Brendon loved of Pete and Patrick and Gabe and Will.
They still are unstable, and they fight a lot, but every fight is like the first fight, and ends up in them shouting their love to each other and having make up sex for endless hours. Brendon is just as nervous whenever he’s around Ryan as he’s been since the first kiss, but he’s decided that it is better that way. He enjoys the flicker of his heart and the shakiness in his hands and the knot on his stomach every time they kiss, because they help him realize it is real, they are real.
Brendon and Ryan never fall into a routine; they never get bored of each other, because they are always living a first date, and eternal blissful love that will never lose its magic. Brendon knows it is not ideal, and there are many things about it that they have to work on, but even like that, he loves it.