Skinny Love
Title: Skinny love
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gabe Saporta/William Beckett, mentions of William/Tom & William/Travis
Summary:
When Gabe appeared in the picture, everyone had lost their faith, and already expected the worse. No one got really happy when they heard William laugh at Gabe’s jokes, or when they saw him smiling and chatting. They knew better than getting their hopes up, because Travis had already let them all down.
Disclaimer: No one mentioned in this story belongs to me. Title from Skinny Love, by Bon Iver.
Warnings: Eating disorders.
Author's Notes:
ourgossip_lipswrote a story a while ago w/ the same title. This has nothing to do with it, though that story is the reason I started listening to Bon Iver; her story has nothing to do with mine and I'm not trying to steal anything by writing this. I just happened to get inspired while listening to the song.
Skinny love
When William first stopped eating, people attributed it to stress. He was young and had just started touring, and no one found it weird when he abruptly lost ten pounds. Everyone blamed it on the stress, on the drugs and the adrenaline. No one paid attention close enough to notice anything, so no one got worried about him.
He started dating Tom on the summer of ’06, and William gained all that weight back. He looked happier than those who knew him well had ever seen him. He was glowing, like a pregnant woman, and there was always a smile pasted to his face.
They were perfect for each other, everyone thought, and they never left each other’s side. Tom was outgoing and fun, while William was his shy and calmed counterpart. They never fought, they never even argued, not for the slightest little thing. To everyone around them, it was the perfect relationship.
No one really knew what happened when they broke up. One day, everything was perfect, and the other, William had dark bruised bags under his eyes and a los expression. Tom announced he was leaving the band that same day when they had a reunion with the label, and despite being in the same room together, he and William ignored each other completely.
That was the second time William lost weight. This time it was nearly eighteen pounds, and Mike noticed. He tried everything to make William eat, but he refused, and threatened to stop taking his vitamins if Mike told anyone, so they both shut it, and everything stopped there. William eventually gained the weight back; not all, but a considerable amount, enough to go unnoticed by his friends and fans.
Sometimes, fans in forums questioned if William had some kind of problem that made him so thin. Other times, in interviews, people asked him why he was so skinny.
“Fast metabolism,” he said, “and it sucks. I have to wear girl cut jeans because manly pants never fit me right.”
Everyone bought it. Mike was the one to dismiss his words, and it didn’t matter because he wasn’t telling anyone, so William didn’t care. He developed some kind of a routine. If he was sad, he’d stop eating, and that was it. He gained and lost weight with the seasons, he controlled it, so it was fine.
When Travis came along, everyone could tell it wasn’t for good. Everyone but William, who praised Travis like he was some kind of god. They got together too fast; so fast that one morning there was Travis, the guy who Pete had just signed for DecayDance, and the other there was Travis, Bill’s boyfriend.
The guys in The Academy Is… didn’t like it, Pete didn’t like it, Courtney didn’t like it, and neither did any other of William’s friends. Travis did drugs more than anyone else did, on a level that was too involved and bordering on suicidal, and he was so influential in William that he was soon following his boyfriend’s steps.
Besides drugs, Travis did other people; sometimes men, sometimes women, depending on his mood. William knew that Travis cheated on him, they all knew, but no one said anything because Mike had already told them about his eating habits and for once, he was eating healthily and had regained all the lost pounds.
The first three months of the relationship went fine, because at that time William was still naïve and unaware of Travis’ nightly activities. When he did found out, he kept it to himself, just as his friends, but his weight started fluctuating. He wouldn’t eat for a weekend if Travis had gone out, but then during the week he’d go back to eating normally, so no one would suspect everything.
Just as it happened with Tom, the relationship with Travis ended abruptly. It was in October, 2007, the night Katy Perry announced her engagement with Travis McCoy internationally at the Europe Music Awards. It broke William’s heart.
For weeks, William lived strictly on water and pills. Then he replaced the water with alcohol, but the mix did no good to his stomach, so he laid off the alcohol after a while. He was consuming himself; he was all skin and bones, his eyes were dead and his smile was M.I.A.
William regained a few pounds after his band mate’s insistence, but he never went back at his old self. He didn’t laugh anymore; there was no emotion in his lyrics when he sang them and he hardly ever talked. He looked dead, he acted dead and he most certainly felt dead.
When Gabe appeared in the picture, everyone had lost their faith, and already expected the worse. No one got really happy when they heard William laugh at Gabe’s jokes, or when they saw him smiling and chatting. They knew better than getting their hopes up, because Travis had already let them all down.
About four months after starting his friendship with Gabe, William went back to his old-old self. He smiled and sang and played all the time. He was happy, healthy again and excited about everything.
It was April when William showed up one day at Sisky’s holding hands with Gabe, wearing a huge goofy grin and the other man’s jeans. The jeans were what stroke them the most; because William had always been considerably thin, especially during his bad patches, so no one would have expected him to fit so well in Gabe’s neon purple skinny jeans. And that was it.
Gabe seemed to be a really good influence in William. Despite the age difference, which they tried not to notice, he was the only one who got Bill perfectly all the time. They were always together, but not in that exhausting way as it was with Tom. They never seemed to asphyxiate the other, and they never got tired of being together.
When Gabe took William home for Christmas, everyone accepted it was a big deal. Everyone, from the band to the label to their families, accepted William’s love for Gabe, and they were happy for them. Gabe’s friends became William’s friends and vice versa. In less than ten months of relationship, they all became one big family.
It was four days after they celebrated their one year anniversary that William cracked again. From one day to the other, everything changed. He stopped eating again, and Gabe almost had to beg for him to drink a glass of water every ten or so hours. In three weeks, he was back in the state when he and Travis broke up. He looked as though he was done living, and he was killing Gabe along with him.
The only person he’d ever talk to was Gabe, or Ryan, eventually, if Gabe wasn’t around. He wouldn’t let anyone near him anymore, and he’d never leave the bed unless it was of vital importance. He asked Gabe to touch him, to kiss him, to make him feel alive, and at the same time, he begged to die.
In July, William was admitted in the hospital for heart failure. He was taken to a psychiatric clinic a week after with half his contentment. The doctors diagnosed him with undernourishment and level two depression, as well as insomnia.
In August, he was dragged to the emergency room for renal malfunction, but was let off that same night. A week later, he was taken to intensive care, and he never left the room. He survived in the hospital for five days, until one day, while Gabe played him a song, his heart stopped beating.
The doctors said there was no clinical reason for his death; apparently, his month at the clinic had been working, and he had regained enough weight to be healthy, and his heart worked perfectly.
“His body was in good shape, but it seemed as though, for some reason, William wanted to die.”
After that, Gabe stopped eating. He wanted to follow William, to walk right behind him on the way to afterlife. Their friends never let him, though. Everyone refused to let him go too, and they all did everything to make sure Gabe was eating and in good health.
Still one day, without warning, Gabe’s heart skipped a beat, then two, and then completely ceased to beat.
Author's note (again): I'm sad. I've been emoing for like three days, and this was the result of my sadness. It may be crap, but it's my crap, so be gentle with it. I know I'm no good, but whatever, if you read it, and wether you liked ir or not, please comment and give me your opinion.