Silly subjects... who ever reads them anyway?
So almost a month since Sean broke up with me and I'm sorta becoming okay with it. I mean, with not dating anymore. But we're hardly the friends that we used to be. I only hung out with him once since then and it went all but well. That could be because I was still in my "oo please take me back" mode. But still. And then I think I talked to him on the phone maybe twice, but thats ok... they were decent conversations after I stopped crying (well the first time atleast). And we talk online occasionally, whenever he feels like im-ing me. But those conversations dont usually last long and if they do its just stupid stuff, like "hey did you ever see that commercial?" "yea... it's funny". We're just sooo not the same friends as we used to be and that's what sucks about breaking up. When we dated, it wasnt like my friendship with him got any worse, if anything I was closer to him than ever. And now its not like I just lost my boyfriend, it's like I lost my best friend too which absolutely blows. So he might read this, he might not. I don't know how often he checks this kind of stuff anymore but whatever. I just want to be like we were before, even if we cant be like we were when we were dating, just like we were before that, when he called me with every little crisis like what to wear on a date, and when we could talk on the phone till wee hours of the morning sometimes about socks or something ridiculous like that. We just used to be close, and now it feels like we're sooo far away. But I guess it'll take time, I just hope that time doesn't pull us farther apart instead of bringing us closer together again.
On another note, school's going to start in exactly one week and for those of you with parents like mine, that means only one thing: you will be going to the dentist. My appointment happens to be tomorrow so for the past week or so I have been brushing those bad boys after every meal. And I'm talking like after the popcorn I ate while watching Jay Leno. It's absolutely terrifying, the thought of the dentist and his drills and his little fingers prying around in your mouth just looking for some little imperfection to fix. Arg... I hate him.
So more non-dentist related school things, this year is going to be INSANE! AHHH!! Let's count, shall we: AP Chem, AP History, AP English, AP French, AP Calc. That's 5 AP classes... that's nuts! Goodbye life... *watches it fly away*. Goodbye friends... *watches them crumble to pieces*. Goodbye tv, movies, radio, etc... *watches them burn to a crisp*. I have a feeling that this year is going to require more out of me than anything I have ever encountered... And I dont think that I'm going to put as much into it as is needed. I think that I was born a slacker and a procrastinator and that that will never change. And thinking about college I'm somewhat frightened. This year is definately going to be a sort of reality check for me. I have to get myself together, get a little more motivated and little more focused. Get organized and stay on track and I should be fine. School just has to be a bigger priority than before. Calc homework has to come before Jeopardy, and studying for chem tests has to come before talking on the phone. So I think I'll be fine... scratch that. I hope I'll be fine.
I never wrote anything in Sean's yearbook... I didn't think I would have to and honestly I just didnt know what to write. But if I would've written anything this is what it would've been:
Hey sweetie!
This year has been an amazing year for me. I've gotten closer with people that I really felt like I was far from, and I have more confidence in myself than ever. I had fun in everything that I did, but by far the best part of this year was you. I've never been happier than I am today, sitting in the gym and signing your yearbook, knowing that at the end I can write "I love you" and know that it means something to you. You've made my junior year incredible and I can never thank you enough for everything you did for me. I love you... let's try to make next year just as incredible.
Nicole
That would've been it. Just incase anyone was wondering. I've thought about it a lot. I dont know why I didnt write in it. But that's the past and he gave me the same advice over a year ago: "Don't dwell". And I won't. It was great, the time we had together. He made me feel better than anyone else before, but now all I have are those memories which are just as great as the moments themselves. I cant keep thinking about how great life was then, I just have to think about how much greater it'll be in the future. Well I guess that's it for now. I said something the other day that just shocked me... "My life has just started to really begin, and already I'm worrying about what it's going to be like when it ends". Thats not how I want to live my life. Everyday offers something new, a new beginning, and I'm going to take advantage of it. My life'll end every single night when I go to sleep, and start again when I wake up in the morning. That's how I want my life to be.
Oh and I look damn good today, I should go out tonight so I can feel sexy around someone else.
Nicole
On another note, school's going to start in exactly one week and for those of you with parents like mine, that means only one thing: you will be going to the dentist. My appointment happens to be tomorrow so for the past week or so I have been brushing those bad boys after every meal. And I'm talking like after the popcorn I ate while watching Jay Leno. It's absolutely terrifying, the thought of the dentist and his drills and his little fingers prying around in your mouth just looking for some little imperfection to fix. Arg... I hate him.
So more non-dentist related school things, this year is going to be INSANE! AHHH!! Let's count, shall we: AP Chem, AP History, AP English, AP French, AP Calc. That's 5 AP classes... that's nuts! Goodbye life... *watches it fly away*. Goodbye friends... *watches them crumble to pieces*. Goodbye tv, movies, radio, etc... *watches them burn to a crisp*. I have a feeling that this year is going to require more out of me than anything I have ever encountered... And I dont think that I'm going to put as much into it as is needed. I think that I was born a slacker and a procrastinator and that that will never change. And thinking about college I'm somewhat frightened. This year is definately going to be a sort of reality check for me. I have to get myself together, get a little more motivated and little more focused. Get organized and stay on track and I should be fine. School just has to be a bigger priority than before. Calc homework has to come before Jeopardy, and studying for chem tests has to come before talking on the phone. So I think I'll be fine... scratch that. I hope I'll be fine.
I never wrote anything in Sean's yearbook... I didn't think I would have to and honestly I just didnt know what to write. But if I would've written anything this is what it would've been:
Hey sweetie!
This year has been an amazing year for me. I've gotten closer with people that I really felt like I was far from, and I have more confidence in myself than ever. I had fun in everything that I did, but by far the best part of this year was you. I've never been happier than I am today, sitting in the gym and signing your yearbook, knowing that at the end I can write "I love you" and know that it means something to you. You've made my junior year incredible and I can never thank you enough for everything you did for me. I love you... let's try to make next year just as incredible.
Nicole
That would've been it. Just incase anyone was wondering. I've thought about it a lot. I dont know why I didnt write in it. But that's the past and he gave me the same advice over a year ago: "Don't dwell". And I won't. It was great, the time we had together. He made me feel better than anyone else before, but now all I have are those memories which are just as great as the moments themselves. I cant keep thinking about how great life was then, I just have to think about how much greater it'll be in the future. Well I guess that's it for now. I said something the other day that just shocked me... "My life has just started to really begin, and already I'm worrying about what it's going to be like when it ends". Thats not how I want to live my life. Everyday offers something new, a new beginning, and I'm going to take advantage of it. My life'll end every single night when I go to sleep, and start again when I wake up in the morning. That's how I want my life to be.
Oh and I look damn good today, I should go out tonight so I can feel sexy around someone else.
Nicole