Gale Winds 10
Title:Gale Winds
Author: Luvsara
Pairing Callie/Arizona
Rated NC-17.
Summary: AU fic. Some details follow the Grey’s story line although time frames are skewed. After Callie’s marriage falls apart, she gets fired as Chief Resident and her first attempt at a new relationship ends horribly bad, her self esteem plummets to a new low, to the point where even becoming an attending doesn’t make her happy. She decides to get away from it all.....she needs a change of scenery.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: The storm...literal and figurative
Chapter 1 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/17993.html#cutid1
Chapter 2 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/18204.html#cutid1
Chapter 3 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/18477.html#cutid1
Chapter 4 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/18908.html#cutid1
Chapter 5 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/19032.html#cutid1
Chapter 6 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/19412.html#cutid1
Chapter 7 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/19637.html#cutid1
Chapter 8 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/19848.html#cutid1
Chapter 9 http://luvsara.livejournal.com/20097.html#cutid1
Chapter Ten:
With morning came fierce winds. The storm was still 60 miles off shore and had been downgraded some to a Category two but was still destined to make landfall right at Ocracoke. Callie joined Arizona and Gertie for breakfast and then the two younger women started boarding up the windows of Gertie’s house. They had a system in place already since this wasn’t their first storm, so all they had to do was place the plywood in the slots and tighten them down. Although being up on a ladder in that strong of a wind didn’t sit well with Callie, she rather enjoyed watching Arizona work from below. Gertie was busy inside gathering candles and flashlights in the event that they lost power. Once they had finished at Gertie’s, they went over to Callie’s place and repeated the process. It wasn’t as streamlined there because there weren’t any permanent residents living there usually. Carlos had some prep work done to protect the place, but it needed some reinforcing. Callie also took the time to secure any lawn furniture that might become projectile in the high winds. When all was said and done, it was late afternoon before they finished.
"I need to go to the lighthouse and make sure everything is secured there and check the moorings on the boat. And, I’m going to go by the store.......so, why don’t you gather some of your things and stay with Gertie and I tonight. I would feel better knowing that we’re all together." Arizona was holding Callie’s hand and trying to re assure her of their safety. She had noticed the worried look on Callie’s face throughout the day.
Callie smiled and placed a sweet kiss on Arizona’s cheek "Okay, but hurry....it looks like it could downpour at any time. I’ll meet you back at Gertie’s."
**************
Arizona left to run her errands. She went to the lighthouse first and then to the harbor. All of the boats were swaying in the wind and getting knocked around a little, but nothing too bad yet. She made a few minor adjustments to the tied areas before deciding it was as good as it was going to get. The next stop was to the general store. "Hey Todd....what’s it look like for us?" she asked knowing that he always had the most updated information and was all too eager to share it.
"Looks like we’re going to get a direct hit this time with sustained winds at around 98 mph and gusts up to 100 mph. The eye wall should come ashore around 9:30 tonight. Are you all tucked in? Miss Gertie okay?"
"Yeah....we’re good. Thanks for the info. When are you closing up?" Arizona made small talk with the young man.
Todd was ecstatic just to be able to hold a conversation with Arizona "I’ll be leaving here around 6 pm.....the rain will probably start by then, but I’ll have plenty of time."
"All right Todd.....be safe and I’ll see ya on the flip side of this thing." Arizona walked out of the store, but there was still one stop to make.....one she hadn’t told Callie about.
Arizona walked into Howard’s Pub and the place was about deserted. She waited at the bar until TJ came out. "Hey TJ.....how’s it goin?"
TJ smiled at her "I’m good....how about yourself....you doin all right?"
"Yeah........listen, I just wanted to come by to apologize for the other night. There’s no excuse for my behavior and well.........I’m sorry......I really am." Arizona peered up from the bar and made eye contact hoping that her sincerity would show.
"It’s already forgotten Arizona. You know since you came back here, we O’cokers have become pretty fond of you. I’m sorry things got a little messed up for ya, but...we’re okay.....don’t worry about it."
Arizona smiled weakly at the compliment "Thanks TJ....I promise it will never happen again."
"I'll hold ya to that" he said in a teasing manner.
Arizona laughed and turned to walk out of the establishment "Take care TJ...see ya after the storm."
***************
Back at the house Callie and Gertie were getting dinner together when Arizona walked in....."Food is almost ready" Callie called to her from the kitchen.
"Oh yeah what is it?" Arizona teased back
"Tomato sandwiches on white bread with Duke's mayonnaise, because it is apparently sacrilegious to eat it any other way, and potato chips....it was easy and didn't require cooking." Callie explained through uproarious laughter.
"But we still have power....why aren't we cooking?" Arizona inquired playfully.
"Like she said....it was easy" Gertie added.
Arizona laughed again and approached both women with a sweet peck on the cheek for her Aunt and a little less sweet/ little more sexy kiss on the lips for Callie. Gertie just grinned real big "All right you two....that's enough" she teased.
The three women ate their meal and then set up a card table to play some Domino's. Gertie's hurricane food was set out complete with a bottle of Borsao from Callie which made Gertie tear up a bit at the memory. They opened a bottle of white wine as well.
"You've got to watch the old woman with Domino's....she cheats...." Arizona chided to Callie.
"Flappin them jaws again....are ya? You're just a sore loser......I can't help it if my strategy works better than yours" Gertie tried to play it off and Callie smiled at the sweet banter between them.
The rain started around 6:30 and the wind steadily picked up speed. About half way through their Domino's game, at about eight o'clock, the power went out. They rounded up their candles and flashlights so that they could move around easily, but it wasn't enough light to continue the game. "Okay youngins.....this is my cue to retire. I'm going to go lay down and I'll see you both in the morning." Gertie got up and went to her room. Callie and Arizona found themselves alone in the candlelight and with a little influence from the wine, the romance of the situation more than presented itself to them. They moved over to the couch and snuggled up to one another. Arizona sensed Callie's fear about the storm and pulled her close "It's going to be okay you know.....we're safe. We've been through worse than this and didn't have any trouble."
"Okay.....I trust you" as Callie said the words she tensed as the wind howled around the house. The small window in the front door was the only one not covered and it provided the only view of what was happening outside. The wind pushed the rain sideways and the trees were bending at impossible angles. Arizona decided to try and take Callie's mind off the storm.....outside. The longer they sat close to one another, the more Arizona's craving grew, but at the same time, she knew that her Aunt was just a couple of rooms away and she wasn't about to push that envelope. Still.....a little high school necking wouldn't hurt. Her lips found Callie’s ear and she ran her tongue along the outside of it which made Callie draw in a deep breath and moan a response. Their lips found each other and they spent the next hour exploring every part above the chest. At one point Arizona's hands trailed dangerously close to Callie's breasts and as much as Callie wanted the contact, she too felt odd about being in Gertie's house.
"Calliope....." Arizona said in between kisses " I can't have you up to my room.....not in Gertie's house....no matter how much I want to.....and I really want to."
Also between continued exploration of the depths of Arizona's mouth, Callie agreed "I understand."
"Before it gets too late, let me go get you some sheets and blankets and we'll pull this couch out so that you'll be comfortable." Arizona stood and attempted to walk away, but Callie pulled her back to her, unable to get enough of her taste.
"Okay then...I guess I'll go pee." Callie laughed as Arizona retreated upstairs."
Arizona rummaged through the closet in her room while Callie used the bathroom.....the extent of her desire apparent with her personal hygiene. She just laughed at herself and dreamed about the day when they would explore each other fully. Once back in the living room, Arizona returned with linens in hand and they pulled the couch out into a bed. As they flipped the sheets open, something landed in the middle of the bed. It was pink with butterflies and flowers on it. Both women looked at it as if it was a foreign object. Almost in slow motion, Arizona bent down and picked it up, brought it to her lips, closed her eyes and held it close. They were having such a good time together that Callie hated to ask "Arizona?......what is it?"
Arizona swallowed hard trying desperately to contain the emotion and after a few moments was able to find her voice "It's my scrub cap."
Hoping to ease the tension a little Callie asked "Really?....pink......and butterflies? Somehow that doesn't seem to fit."
Arizona laughed despite the growing pain in her chest "There was a time when I was considered to be quite perky....almost to a fault. I said things like 'awesome' and 'super' and I believed in magic and fairy dust." The tears that Arizona had tried desperately to force back began to spill over on her cheeks. The memory of the person she used to be, almost too much to bear.
Callie recognized the internal struggle that was about to erupt "Baby....where is she? Where did that Arizona go?"
"She's gone Calliope....all that perk driven from any shred of her" Arizona stood frozen in a memory from long ago.
"Sweetheart I understand the pain of losing family members, but it feels like there is so much more to what you're feeling and I want to understand....please tell me." Callie pleaded while moving to where Arizona was standing and taking the scrub cap from her hands.
Arizona finally made eye contact "There's not one piece of it that makes sense without the rest" she said sort of absently like her mind had gone to another place and time.
"Then tell me...all of it....make me understand." Callie lead Arizona down to the bed so that she was seated, leaning against the back of the couch. She put her arm around Arizona's shoulders for support without being intimidating. The darkness of the room with just candlelight illuminating small sections helped Arizona to feel safe.
Callie was patient and let Arizona speak whenever she was ready. "I was a first year resident at John Hopkins. I was a rock star.....top of my class, outgoing and social.....I was confident and ....perky....I guess. I met a second year resident, Teddy Altman and we became fast friends. Being a year ahead of me, she really helped me to find my way. She was my confidant, my rock.....my sense of sanity."
Callie assumed this was the Orthopedic surgeon that hurt Arizona so much. "Early in my second year as a resident, I met Joanne Turner. She was new to the program and had transferred in. She was beautiful, intense, a little dark and had so much sexual energy that I was hooked from the start. She represented everything I wasn't. Growing up in a military family, everything had order and I followed orders.....until her. We got together one night when we were both on call. I had never done anything against the rules, but in an on call room, we broke all of the rules. From that point on, anything she wanted, I would have given her. Teddy liked her as well and the three of us became inseparable. Other than Teddy, the only person I chose to share anything with was Tim. When I came out to him he asked me if that meant I was going to marry a chick. When I said yes, he said "I'm going to dance so hard at your wedding." Arizona actually smiled for a moment and Callie was captivated by the story.
"Over the next two years we became so en meshed in each others lives that it was hard to distinguish us separately. Teddy became an attending in Cardiology and I began pursuing a fellowship in Pediatrics. Joanne had her sights on Orthopedics, but the field was highly competitive. She struggled some, but Teddy and I were very supportive. In the fall of my third year, Tim was due to return stateside for good.....two weeks before he was killed. The hospital was very supportive and gave me ample time, but they did not recognize mine and Joanne's relationship and she was not able to go home with me. My parents were devastated, as you could imagine and I had a hard time trying to make sense of it all. Everything I was raised to believe about country and honor....none of it made sense when you're staring in the face of your dead brother. I had to leave my family after a week and return home." Arizona paused at the word home.
"When I got there, I wasn't met with much sympathy at all. Apparently Joanne had been through a particularly hard time in her chosen field. I was certainly not at my best and I craved quiet and solitude. In doing so, I was informed by Teddy....my best friend, that I was effectively alienating my girlfriend.....that she was.......quote..... "lost, not knowing how to connect and dealing with unsurmountable pressures at work"......unquote. I turned to Teddy for advice and she told me that I needed to step up and be there for Joanne as she went through this tough time. I was Joanne's strength and since I had been a little distant, she was feeling insecure. I trusted Teddy beyond all else and so I did what she said....I stuffed down all the hurt I was feeling and doted over Joanne. She was highly sexual and would push me to get her off and then roll over and go to sleep. When I questioned this or protested this.....I was accused of being selfish. I guess that's how I could eventually have sex without feeling.....she would demand....I would perform....and then.......that was it." Callie felt the tears rolling down her own cheeks.
If residency hadn't been so incredibly intense, I might have had the fortitude to see it for what it was.....but I didn't. Meanwhile, my mother was struggling with Tim's death. She started drinking heavily right after the funeral. She would call me and cry" Arizona took a deep breath and paused, fresh tears streaming down her face...... "but, every time she would call, Joanne would get pissed that I was on the phone for too long and not paying attention to her. Eventually, I would cut ......my mother.....off....in order to save yet another fight. This went on for a year." Arizona squeaked out with a fresh wave of pain.
"I had finally made attending and was chosen for a Pediatric fellowship.....this was my dream. Joanne was still struggling to make it in Orthopedics which caused constant tension at home. I was over the moon at being a Pediatric fellow, but whenever I showed that joy, I was met with her disdain. We had had a particularly heated argument one day when the phone rang. It was my father and he said that my mother was dead.....she had drank so much that she literally poisoned herself to death." Arizona spoke as if she could hardly believe the words she was saying.
"Once again the hospital supported me and gave me time to go home. I wanted Joanne to go with me but she refused saying that she needed every advantage she could get in order to get into Orthopedics. So I went home alone. I struggled with the realization that I had let my mother down. She cried out to me and I was so wrapped up in my own shit that I didn't pay attention....and now she was gone. I returned home even more broken than when I had left and still......I was met with the same song and dance. I find it hard to believe now that I couldn't see through it." Callie had pulled Arizona closer to her so that Arizona's head was resting on her chest.
"Work became my solace. I put all of my energy into my profession and I was due my very first major surgery as a Pediatric attending. I was thrilled that it was with Teddy. We had a 6 year old little girl with a congenital heart defect and we were going to fix it together. I was psyched.....I had waited a long time for this. I asked Joanne to sit in the gallery, but she said she couldn't, there was a trauma in the ER that needed her attention. So there we were Teddy....my best friend.....and I, ready to do this procedure. After we had gotten her tiny chest open, an intern named April Kepner came barging into the OR. She was irate....screaming a Teddy. I was completely confused by what was going on, but apparently, Teddy was having sex with this April woman, but was also having sex with someone else. April found out and was quite furious about the whole thing....." "isn’t that right Dr. Altman......and wouldn’t Dr. Robbins like to know that you’re also fucking her girlfriend....and have been for a year now." I didn’t have to ask if it were true....the look on Teddy’s face told me everything I needed to know. But, there we were, elbow deep in this 6 year old's chest.....my first major surgery as an attending. She tried to speak but I stopped her. My entire body was trembling and I should have stepped away.....but I didn’t. I let my fear of looking bad" she scoffed, "stop me from doing what was right. My hands were shaking so much as I tried to finish the surgery, that I accidentally nicked an artery. That beautiful, little, six year old, baby.... bled out on the table and died." Arizona was sobbing by now, the pain of so many years ago thrust into the present. Callie was no longer able to contain her own emotion and tears were streaming down her face as well.
"There was nothing I could do to save her and afterwards I had to tell her parents that there were ‘complications’ and I was suspended pending an investigation. There wasn’t anyone to turn to, all of my support was gone....in what felt like an instant. Joanne did little to defend her actions. She and Teddy had in fact been sleeping together since Tim’s funeral, but somehow turned it on me as if my pain and suffering had made me emotionally unavailable to her........and Teddy filled the bill. The worst part is that I believed her. I tried to forgive them both thinking that I had as much to do with it as they did. My head was so confused and my heart was broken."
"Eventually, there was a lawsuit over the botched surgery and although the hospital settled and both mine and the hospital’s malpractice covered the cost, I was seen as a liability and they fired me. Joanne acted as though I had the plague and pulled further away from me until she eventually said that she didn’t love me or respect me anymore. And the really sick and twisted part of it all is that, I still loved her and I can’t sit here now and honestly tell you that if she were to come find me, that I wouldn’t give her another chance.....even after three years of absolutely no contact."
"My girlfriend, my best friend, my job, my career....my family...everything gone in a year’s time. The only place for me to go was back to my parent’s house. My father couldn’t understand how I let a woman pull me so far from my truth. He was so disappointed in me for not being more present for my mother and told me that I was not the person he raised me to be.....and he was right....in fact I’m not sure there is much of that person left. I came here to live with Aunt Gert and Aunt Bess by their suggestion. I got my medical license for North Carolina, but I couldn’t practice. Every time I tried to perform a surgery, that little girl’s face would be all I could see, and I would panic....so I quit.....and started fishing" Arizona let out an incredulous laugh. My father tried to make peace especially when Aunt Bess passed away, but by then I had closed myself off to everyone. I didn’t feel like I deserved his apology and I haven’t spoken to him since. In fact, I still don’t believe I deserve......love....from anyone which is why I’ve been running so hard.......away from you." This was the first time that Arizona had told her entire story and something had changed inside now that she had.
Callie didn’t know what to say, there was so much about what Arizona went through that had created this false persona and she didn’t know if there was anything she could say that would change that. "You can stop running now. Knowing all of that history only draws me closer to you. I can sit here and say that it’s okay and mistakes happen in surgery all of the time, that you didn’t do anything wrong in your relationship and Joanne.....she’s the one that deserves the kind of pain you’ve been living with.....but, nothing I say is going to change the way you feel. All I can do is be here for you and tell you how I feel. I find you to be the most beautiful and deeply moving person that I’ve met in a long time. Your past, although it’s changed you from what you say, it’s also made you incredibly caring....even when you don’t want to be. The outward shell you present to the world is just that....it’s a mask....and that’s okay, because from the very start, I saw beyond it....to a person I used to know.....you’re still that person to me......and I’m not going anywhere."
Arizona ventured a look in Callie’s direction for the first time since she began her tale and although it was dark, she could see the incredible love and kindness in Callie’s gorgeous eyes. Callie knew the truth.....and she still cared. Their lips found one another’s and they kissed tenderly until emotional exhaustion set in. They scooted down into the bed and Callie just held Arizona tightly, covered them both with the blanket and fell asleep with the wind continuing to howl around them. While the storm outside continued to rage on, the one inside Arizona had subsided a little.