aderral and wine
this is sad to admit and perhaps that is why i am writing it down.... then there is no denying it later on. may not ALWAYS be true every second, but it feels true - VERY true right now.
i ran out of adderall and well, i went apeshit. i was beyond irritated, depressed, unfocused, hateful and shitty. i still have to drop off my Rx for 10mg but i have some 5 mg left and today i took them every few hours to see if that really was the problem. took one a few hours ago and then shared a bottle of reisling with my dear friend; a bottle we bought at the wine festival on sunday.
on adderall - a stimulant and with 1.5 glasses only of wine in my system.... i feel alive again. my neurons firing - my libido back - my desire to live and flirt and say FUCK THE WORLD are back! i want to fall in autumn again and say thanks to Jesus without guilt from either. i want to touch and be touched, to love and make love.....
i want OUT of drama and into life.
i want OUT of complancey and back into passion.
i am in a jam but am fixing it.
there are options and i have know them for a while but now i can see them as separate things done one at a time rather than a scribble of nonsense on a list i have to decipher quickly at gun point.
whatever i am saying makes no sense, i know but it makes all the sense in the world to me. not just now with these stupid drugs in my system, but to me - the real me.... the trapped and hidden me.
seeing my therapist tomorrow but i will remain sober for that :)
NOTE: i do not and will not drink often. it is just an interesting observation this change in my mood.
i ran out of adderall and well, i went apeshit. i was beyond irritated, depressed, unfocused, hateful and shitty. i still have to drop off my Rx for 10mg but i have some 5 mg left and today i took them every few hours to see if that really was the problem. took one a few hours ago and then shared a bottle of reisling with my dear friend; a bottle we bought at the wine festival on sunday.
on adderall - a stimulant and with 1.5 glasses only of wine in my system.... i feel alive again. my neurons firing - my libido back - my desire to live and flirt and say FUCK THE WORLD are back! i want to fall in autumn again and say thanks to Jesus without guilt from either. i want to touch and be touched, to love and make love.....
i want OUT of drama and into life.
i want OUT of complancey and back into passion.
i am in a jam but am fixing it.
there are options and i have know them for a while but now i can see them as separate things done one at a time rather than a scribble of nonsense on a list i have to decipher quickly at gun point.
whatever i am saying makes no sense, i know but it makes all the sense in the world to me. not just now with these stupid drugs in my system, but to me - the real me.... the trapped and hidden me.
seeing my therapist tomorrow but i will remain sober for that :)
NOTE: i do not and will not drink often. it is just an interesting observation this change in my mood.