Masquerade (Part 2)
It had been three weeks and four days since the incident and the crew's return from Triskelion. Dr. Reid had recommended in her report to McCoy that Uhura be allowed to return to duty with the stipulation that she would continue their weekly sessions. McCoy forwarded this bit of information to the captain.
The captain quickly replied requesting McCoy to do the final evaluation and then report to him his observations. McCoy now stared at the PADD before him, not really concentrating on what was there because he found that his mind was wandering again. He couldn't help thinking about Nyota. He missed her terribly, but had honored her wishes and decided to stay away.
He took her request a step further and avoided her altogether. He had not seen her or heard from her since she had told him that their relationship was over that day in the Sick Bay. He wondered if she thought about him or if she had totally blocked him out of her mind. It appeared that his attachment to her was stronger than hers to him because she was constantly in his thoughts. Dr. Reid's report revealed little in that area as it indicated that she was not involved with anyone. He was not surprised that she didn't tell her about their relationship, but it hurt none the less.
He was feeling frustrated and lonely. He wasn't sure how to get through to her, and the report didn't help matters any. Maybe she felt as if she was sheltering him somehow in not mentioning their relationship to Dr. Reid. Surely she had to know that he cared and that he was affected by what happened to her too. She didn't have to deal with this alone. He was more than willing to help her.
He knew that he had to get to the bottom of this and sent a message to Dr. Reid to report to his office. Even though Nyota had said that it was over, it was not over for him and he made up in his mind that he would do everything possible to convince her to allow him back into her life.
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Chiyoko Reid knew that Nyota Uhura was not telling her everything. The lieutenant was a very poor liar. Something was missing in her story and while she felt that the lieutenant was hiding something, she could find no reason to continue to keep her from her duties on the Enterprise.
Nyota avoided her eyes and picked at imaginary specks on her uniform when she questioned her about her love life. She gave quick, short answers and then tried to move on to something else. Chiyoko Reid was no fool and she knew her field quite well.
She let it go in the early sessions, but had pressed harder as the weeks went by. Still in denial, Nyota would smile at her sweetly and tell her that she had male friends, but no one special. There was no reason to have couple counseling she had stated, because there was no couple.
Something about her declaration rang hollow, but Chiyoko moved on. Time would certainly tell and she would insist that Nyota continue her sessions. There was no need to keep her from her duties any longer.
She walked into the Sick Bay and found Dr. Leonard McCoy studying a PADD from the huge pile on his desk. Did the man ever take a break?
She thought that he was quite handsome even though he was at least fifteen years her senior and she wondered in the back of her mind if he was seeing someone. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days and the stubble on his chin revealed that he hadn't shaved either.
He looked up at her and smiled that crooked smile of his. His eyebrow arched up in a funny way and his blue eyes made her want to melt. God, Chiyoko! Get yourself together! She silently reprimanded herself, putting on her best professional smile.
"Doctor McCoy." she said and nodding at him. "You wanted to see me?"
McCoy ran his eyes appreciatively over Reid. He thought she was a pretty girl. He eyes revealed her Asian heritage, yet her coloring and thick curly locks revealed her African ancestry. From her well toned arms and legs he knew that she must have spent quite a bit of time in the officer's gym.
"Dr. Reid" he responded. "Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the release of Lieutenant Uhura. By the way, how do you pronounce your first name?"
"Its Chee-oh-koh which means child of a thousand generations" she said smiling at him coyly. "I appreciate you asking...most people just wing it."
"I like to be on point, you see." McCoy returned her smile. If he didn't know better, he'd swear she was being a bit flirtatious. He had seen that look in women's eyes before. God! She looked young, but he knew that she had to be at least thirty.
He looked at her notes that she had provided. "So you feel that the lieutenant is ready to return to duty? Do you have any concerns?" He did not look up from reading her notes, and she sat in the chair across from him and crossed her legs.
"There is one" Dr. Reid replied. "I asked if she was involved with anyone, but she assured me that she was not. I feel that she was not being entirely truthful."
McCoy put the PADD down and crossed his arms across his chest. "Are you saying that you believe she was lying?"
"Yes, I do" Dr. Reid replied. "Of course I can't prove it, but I believe she is. Now the question is why would she lie? I can only conclude that she has not told whomever she's involved with about the incident. I told her that I would do couple counseling, however she was adamant in telling me that she wasn't involved with anyone and there was no need for couple counseling. Her response was quite forceful leading me to believe that she was hiding something."
McCoy leaned back against the table. "Did you confront her about this?"
"Several times" Dr. Reid replied sighing. "She kept insisting that there was no one to notify, no one for me to counsel and that she was fine. I told her that it would be highly beneficial for me to counsel whomever she was involved with, but she kept insisting that there is no one."
McCoy threw the PADD on the desk causing a loud clatter that made Doctor Reid jump. She could tell immediately that he was agitated. He stood up and paced a moment looking at her.
So now he was no one! Not that he needed counseling...but then again, doctors were always the worst patients because they felt that they knew everything. Was he any different? Could talking to Reid help him in some way? He surely wasn't getting anywhere with this on his own. He took a deep breath and turned to her. Her expression was startled by his behavior, yet curious. He stood before Reid and crossed his arms, deciding to take the plunge.
"That's because she broke up with the man she was involved with immediately after the incident!" he snapped. His words came out louder than he intended and he tried to get a grip on himself. He ran his hand through his hair. He wished that he had a drink.
Reid stared at him in shocked disbelief. "You know him?"
"Yes, I know him" McCoy replied staring at her unable to hold back his frustration any longer. "You're looking at him. I'm that man"
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Nyota breathed a sigh of relief. At their last session, Dr. Reid told her that she was going to recommend that she be allowed to return to duty.
She was ready to go back...in fact way past ready. She felt that there was no need to continue to sit in her quarters and dwell on the past. She was ready to move forward. She was fine. The world was fine. She just needed to move on! She was a strong woman and she needed to get back into her routine. Well, there would be no more dinners with Leonard....
A frown crossed her face. No, she wouldn't think about that now.
Dr. Reid told her that Dr. McCoy would have the final say. She didn't feel that it would be that hard to convince him. He knew her work ethic. She sighed as she thought of Leonard. She had tried not to think about him, but she couldn't help herself. He was on her mind first thing in the morning and was the last thing she thought about before she went to sleep. She had to admit that she really missed him, missed his voice and the feel of his lips on hers. She pushed the thought out of her mind. Nyota had avoided him because of the way things ended between them and her heart was filled with regret. She had hoped that he would seek her out, but he had not and a part of her wished that he had. Regardless of all that, she knew that she would now come face to face with him, as he was the one who must sign her release.
The door chimed which shook her out of her pondering state. She wondered who would be visiting her this time of day as most of her friends were on duty.
"Come"
She was surprised to see Leonard McCoy walk through the door. His clothes were clean, but he looked as if he hadn't slept in days and he needed a shave.
"Lieutenant" he said nodding, his voice crisp and professional.
"Hello Leonard" she responded smiling at him. She was somewhat surprised when he didn't return her smile. He stood before her holding the PADD. She sat down in a nearby chair and he sat down across from her.
"I am here to officially gather information to determine whether or not to allow you to return to your duties. Dr. Reid has recommended your release, however you should know that I have the final say in this matter."
He began jotting something down on the PADD not meeting her eyes.
Nyota was surprised that he was being so formal, however she felt that she should play along. After all, she was the one who had told him that she wanted only to see him on a professional level or as a casual friend.
"Of course, doctor." she replied standing. "Can I get you something to drink?"
He beckoned for her to have a seat and she sat back down. He studied his PADD for a moment and then looked up.
"Is there a particular reason why you refused to disclose our relationship to Dr. Reid?" He crossed his legs and continued to study the PADD not meeting her gaze.
"There was nothing to disclose" she replied defensively. "It was over by the time I began seeing her."
He paused then looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so I'm nothing to you. It's over, just like that. I must commend you on your quick recovery."
"That's not what I meant!" she snapped. She could see the hurt in his eyes for all his professional demeanor and she looked away unable to face him for what she'd done.
McCoy cleared his throat and pressed his point, refusing to drop the subject.
"You refused to tell Dr. Reid that you broke up with me after you were raped. Why is that? Are you afraid to admit to my face that the thought of me touching you makes you sick?" His voice was accusing. "Rather than admit what you're dealing with, you'd rather keep up this farce of being well rather than to admit your true feelings to that someone can help you!"
"That's not true!" She looked back at him now, trying to gather her thoughts. This is not how she wanted things to go. She didn't mean to hurt him even though she knew that she had. She didn't know how to make it right. Words escaped her as she tried to do damage control. "I didn't tell her because I didn't want you to have to deal with my issues! I never said that I didn't care for you. I do!"
"You didn't say much else! Forget trying to protect my feelings! I'd rather you just tell me the truth and get it over with." He jumped up from his seat. "You act as if there was nothing between us...that we didn't have feelings for one another, that your feelings for me died when that man assaulted you. Everything we shared ended because of what happened to you."
Nyota jumped up from her seat. Why was he making her the bad guy here?
"I didn't tell her because there was nothing to tell. She asked me if she needed to counsel someone that I was currently involved with. We had already broken up so my answer was no." She stared at his back willing him to understand.
McCoy turned around and walked over to her, invading her space. She backed up until her back hit the wall. He resisted the urge to grab her by the shoulders and instead brought his face dangerously close to hers.
"You're playing with words! Just because you declared it over, does not mean that my feelings for you don't matter and don't exist! It doesn't mean that I don't care and that I'm not hurting too. It doesn't mean that I'm alright! Don't you realize that I'm trying to cope with this situation too...that it would be beneficial if we both work it out together?"
She looked surprised. "But..but you're a doctor. It's easy for you to cope. You see trauma everyday!"
His eyes grew big and he looked at her as if she was stupid. "A doctor?" His voice was incredulous. "Dammit, Nyota! I'm a man, and whether you like to admit it or not...I'm your man. I'm emotionally involved in this situation! I can't turn my feelings on and off like a faucet. I can't walk around and convince myself that this hasn't affected me. I can't just move on and act like this didn't happen to you."
"That's right Leonard! It happened to me, not you! I want to forget it. I want to move on! Can't you understand that! Sign my release!"
His heart was beating rapidly and a part of him wanted to grab her and kiss some sense into her. He knew that he was treading close to being totally unprofessional, but he couldn't help it.
"You want to move on without me. You're telling me that right now, right this moment that what we have is over...that you no longer have any feelings for me. Tell me to my face!"
She looked at him, his blue eyes blazing, his cologne and scent wrecking havoc with her senses. God how she missed him! A part of her wanted him to kiss her, make love to her to make her forget about what had happened. She wanted him to replace that bad experience with a passionate night of love making. If only it was that simple! If only she could be sure that she wouldn't hyperventilate in the process and throw up in the bed. She felt like she was becoming unglued.
"Leonard, it's for the best"
He laughed bitterly. "Best? For who? Certainly not for me! I go to bed everynight thinking about you and reliving those times we had together. You're a coward, Nyota. You want your release! Fine! I'll sign it. I'll let you return to the bridge and wear your mask of 'I'm-perfectly-fine-ness'! You go right on and do that. Just know that I see what's really behind that mask of yours; and it's a woman who is hurting and alone. Your masquerade isn't for the rest of us, it's for yourself."
He then stood up and walked out of her quarters leaving her stunned and unable to reply.