Life's a Bitch
So i dont really know why it is that im feelin this way but i feel like a real big PoS.....everything just really sucks bad.....i wish love was easy enough to fall into but just as easy to get over.....i wish we knew just by the draw of a card where our life or our relationship was goin....maybe then i could move on or know what in the end my life will be like....or i would know if lovin him is worth my time......or whatever.....i just feel so frustrated bc i know what i want but i feel like its gone forever an it makes me just wanna cry......an not seein him ya it helps but then talkin to him makes me cry......like yesterday i was gonna be really nice i guess u could say i felt like a fag bc i wanted to do it but i was gonna go to his work an i wrote him a letter an everything i was gonna go an get him a rose an print some lyrics an go put em in him car......then i call his work an try to talk to him to see when he is goin on break so he dont see me in his car.....so i call an they call him at his work an say they called him an then tell me that he must not be there if he isnt answering the phone....so i was like WTF....so i call his mom an she says she didnt think he had to work.....so i was like WTF.....i call his house then he calls me back a few seconds later an he said he weent out to work but Steve forgot to tell him he didnt have to work but he couldnt call me it really hurt my feelings bc i had something planned....to do something nice for him......hes just actin really shady......THEN today he wass gonna talk to me about gettin my car tomorrow so he can fix it an then i thought well no point in him takin it bc im broke as hell an i dont have money for him to fix my car so there is no point in him takin it....so i tell him that an i assk him what is he doin tomorrow an he said weell i thought i was gonna have ur car an i was gonna come spend the day with u an so i told him how i felt an all the sudden he was mad at me.....bc i told him it didnt matter anyways.....bc i didnt have the money for him to fix it an that he doesnt wanna spend time with me an i know he dont wanna be out here an he was like ok kaitlin if u say so......an i was like well i know u dont wanna be out here an he was like if i didnt wanna spend time with you then i wouldnt have said it an i was like well if i hadnt asked u to fix my car u wouldnt be thinkin about bein out here.....but i didnt say that......i just told him if he really wanted to spend time with me he would find away to come an see me.......i unno it just really hurts my feeling.......like i just sit here an think i used to mean so much to him do i still.....or does he just not care.....does he really care an he just feels like shit bc of what is goin on.....it just makes me think an makes me feel like shit when i shouldnt be the one feelin like shit.......i know i lov ehim but thats not enough to know right now....bc thats all i know......GOD I HATE LIFE!!! :*(