To friend, or NOT to friend......that is the question
So here's the deal - I have (or had) this very close friend for years and years....the only one I chose on my own (i.e. not chosen for me by my now ex-husband). We had a falling out last October due to her addictions to certain things, her depression and her absolute refusal to work on getting mentally/emtionally healthy. I was to be her maid of honor and backed out of that too. But I felt like I was constantly doing battle with the Kraken (BTW - all 3 Pirates of the Caribbean movies ROCKED!!!) and that the Kraken was totally kicking my ass.
But I've missed her and thought about her often in the past 9 months. I've felt tremendous guilt at wanting a 50/50 relationship and also with dropping her because she sucked the lifeblood out of me emotionally. Then last Friday we happened to be stopped at the same stoplight at the same time. I was floored and didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her again. We hugged and cried and hugged and cried and then cried some more. She said she was 100 days sober, still battling depression, no friends, boring life....etc. I felt elation at seeing her again but some warning bells were going off in my head. Now she's been e-mailing me, texting me, calling me - wanting to spend tons of time with me.
Then yesterday we were supposed to meet for lunch for the first time and she called crying saying that she's having some problems and can't make our lunch (more warning bells are ringing now).
People might not know this about me, but I am totally "SUCKTASTIC" (I love that phrase Beth!!!!) at making friends. I'm a total introvert then couple that with the fact that I went to 8 different schools by 9th grade, so you're pretty much lookin' at the shyest person around. I can't tell you how much I admire people who make friends easily, especially my cousins "Ancientnow" and "Meggieking" and the rest of the McC-clan.
And me being one to always try to improve myself - I really want to work on this.
So my question is this.....how do you do it??? I am 39 years old and I have no clue how to make friends (how SAD is that?!?!). Also, am I in the wrong for not wanting to rekindle a friendship that is nowhere in the ballpark of being emotionally healthy? Am I in the wrong for wanting a normal, healthy, 50/50 relationship at all?
Please....any tips on how to make friends and any pointers you can give me on what friendships should/shoudn't be would be better than having a 1 lb. box of See's candies all to myself.