blurgleblurgleblurgle

Nov 09, 2004 20:40

I'm so proud of my icon ^^.

Jeez I'm bored. There's nothing to do when you have no homework! What's wrong with me? I obviously have no life... Damn, I was hoping that wouldn't catch up to me...

I'm fed up with myself. Is there any possiblity I could switch lives with anyone? I just get tired of looking at the same face in the mirror, going about the same general routine every day, tired of my family and their chaotic mood swings, and all that random other stuff that makes up my life. The only thing I'm not tired of are my friends <3 They always manage to surprise me with something new and lovely ^^.

*sigh* and I'm also tired of my lack of a love life T.T I'm pathetic when it comes to relationships. The first boyfriend I ever had left me for a girl who didn't even like him. The second and third you can hardly even call boyfriends, because we never even talked on the phone. The fourth was some sex-crazed 17 year old who was sweet at first, but then lured me into his bedroom and kept trying to touch me.... I've only had four boyfriends, the longest for a month. And it's not like I don't have any opportunity to be with a guy, because there have been several laying down hints the size of cars. I'm just no good at it, really. Whenever I start feeling like I'm luring someone in, I recoil as if someone's shocked me. I never call the guy again, hardly talk to them, and all I do is end up making them pissed off or sad. Maybe that's what I want though... I do want someone to fall in love with me... right? Maybe I don't really, and so unconsciously I push everyone away... But why? I long to be loved... But I won't let anyone love me. How paradoxical can I be?

Urgh, and here I am talking about love. I always tried to stay away from that >.
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