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[luvlylady]

If you are involved with someone there is already a certain amount of dependence on them because you have feelings for them or rely on them in some way. So by definition, you can't truely be independent while involved with someone romantically.
What is your opinion?

Comments

[wyrdling]

the way i see it... which is by no means a fully formed opinion, as it's a tricky question... is that dependence is where you sacrifice essential parts of yourself to have someone in your life. now, some sacrifices are worth doing, and what seemed essential may not be so if you look closely and pay attention to what you really seem to need... i gave up massive parts of my life when my best friend was terminally ill and didn't think twice because, suddenly, they didn't matter at all.

so, on that theme, you can lead yourself around in circles trying to figure out what s essential to yourself, moment to moment.

there is, certainly, a complex intertwining of the structure of one's life through that of the people close to them. but i don't see that as dependence, necessarily, so much as an element of the interdependence (if it's healthy) that helps groups of people deal with unpleasant circumstances effectively as they arise. the human isn't psychologically designed to be a solitary creature. we have massive amounts of neural wiring relating to social interactions (most obviously, language, but facial recognition, etc as well) because one of our primary evolutionary survival strategies has been to work as groups.

complete independence is an illusion, anyway. we'd be hard pressed to find a true mountain man these days... in america, at least. and somebody had to manufacture that rifle. but the ability to make one's own choices on the subjects that matter, that's something else. but a relationship, in the abstract, doesn't threaten that. there's certainly enough in reality which do, though.