(no subject)
There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved.
And that is really the truth. I have been in relationships off and on since I was about 13. Some serious then others, but about 3 serious ones ranging from about 6 months-2 years. While I was in those relationships, I did think I was in love. Now when I look back on it, I really think I was just trying to make myself believe something was there, when it really wasn't. It's really weird but i feel like just everything was a huge joke or lie or something.
So now its the holiday season and well of course I have family and friends I can spend time with, but it's just not the same. My family loves me, of course they do, but they love me because well they just have to. It's like not like they are choosing to love me, they just do.
It's the time of the year I should be thankful for everything I do have. I'm supposed to be positive and be happy. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, and I will be getting presents for christmas. I'll be spending the holidays with people that "love me". But really....I don't feel as if they truly do. They love me because they have to, they love me because well I'm their child or grandchild, neice or cousin. They love me because well they are family and they might dislike me or we might not get along but they still LOVE me.
I want someone to love me by choice. Someone to care about me and think about me the same way I think about them. I want to wake up in the morning for a reason and have something to look forward to or someone to see. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I am truly happy.
I know people might comment and say, "You have sooo much more then other people do, especially this time of year." . I would give up EVERYTHING I do have, just to honestly and truly happy, with myself and with someone else who makes me happy.
Maybe I need to learn to make myself happy instead of saying I need another person to make me happy....but trust me, it would help out a lot.
I hope everyone has a good break. I'll still be updating during the break and all I thought I'd just put it out there.
What's everyones plans for new years? Anyone want to invite me? haha
<3Katie
P.S. Sorry for all the mistakes I didn't even read over it.
Oh and *JON* i can't wait to see you <3 <3
to love and be loved.
And that is really the truth. I have been in relationships off and on since I was about 13. Some serious then others, but about 3 serious ones ranging from about 6 months-2 years. While I was in those relationships, I did think I was in love. Now when I look back on it, I really think I was just trying to make myself believe something was there, when it really wasn't. It's really weird but i feel like just everything was a huge joke or lie or something.
So now its the holiday season and well of course I have family and friends I can spend time with, but it's just not the same. My family loves me, of course they do, but they love me because well they just have to. It's like not like they are choosing to love me, they just do.
It's the time of the year I should be thankful for everything I do have. I'm supposed to be positive and be happy. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, and I will be getting presents for christmas. I'll be spending the holidays with people that "love me". But really....I don't feel as if they truly do. They love me because they have to, they love me because well I'm their child or grandchild, neice or cousin. They love me because well they are family and they might dislike me or we might not get along but they still LOVE me.
I want someone to love me by choice. Someone to care about me and think about me the same way I think about them. I want to wake up in the morning for a reason and have something to look forward to or someone to see. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I am truly happy.
I know people might comment and say, "You have sooo much more then other people do, especially this time of year." . I would give up EVERYTHING I do have, just to honestly and truly happy, with myself and with someone else who makes me happy.
Maybe I need to learn to make myself happy instead of saying I need another person to make me happy....but trust me, it would help out a lot.
I hope everyone has a good break. I'll still be updating during the break and all I thought I'd just put it out there.
What's everyones plans for new years? Anyone want to invite me? haha
<3Katie
P.S. Sorry for all the mistakes I didn't even read over it.
Oh and *JON* i can't wait to see you <3 <3