a battle that can never be one

[luvlikeabullet]

why am i always so discontent. i'm constantly at war with myself. my feelings, thoughts and desires are always so close behind. and now i'm finding the only thing i've ever run from...is me. i stopped avoiding pain cause it always shows up. unexpected, unwanted and unwelcome. and it feels like it never leaves. maybe 'cause i'm always feeling so abandoned. and somehow i find comfort in the fact that pain is always by my side. like a fashion i've worn my heart on my sleeve. but it's run out of style. and i'm sick if hiding inside of me.

well tonight my knees hit the floor. my head will bow. and i'll put it all on the line. yet i'm still so afraid...i'll find no reply

~alex joel~