Pain as our medium
Why are we so afraid of pain.
I have high exspectations of people, i exspect them to treat me like another human being. Just like them, a living breathing thinking feeling human being. I get upset and hurt when they dont. Joe asks me why I dont lower my standards. Well why the fuck should I? I am a human being i deserved to be treated as such. This means being considered. Now people are smucks so they dont do this. My co-workers for example. They hurt me a lot yesterday, and probably had no idea that they were making me so upset that i had to go outside and cry. So why should I lower my opinion of what consideration humantiy should afford its other members? because i got hurt. well la-de-da. i got hurt. i let it out. i was fine. im not scared of pain. i would rather work towards people being better human beings than to be complacent and not care and shut myself off from everything so that i dont get hurt. Being hurt is enevidable. It will always happen whenever you allow yourself to feel. You get the good with the bad, its one of the unwritten laws of the universe. Balance.
Now I was upset. I went home. I cried and screamed in the car. I let it out into the universe and drew a picture that was searing the inside of my brain. And then it was gone.
Mind you that this, while upsetting me, wasnt THAT big a deal. I could chanel that into the creative outlet. bigger things are harder to release. the desire the keep them in and feel that you were wronged is greater. But feeling wronged isnt productive unless it spurs you to do something and still its not healthy.
People close off so much of themselves because they are afriad of getting hurt. I close myself off because I dont see 'people' willing to give me back what I put forth. Who wants to pour emotion and life into someone thats just going to take it and not give you that love back?
The hard part is that i love my fellow humans but they tend not to love their fellow humans. I have not yet found someone i could not find compassion for.
in other news i cant tell if im sick or not. my stomach has been feeling very upset for the past two weeks every morning and through out the day. specifically at 4. It may be the fact that it doesnt want to process cheese and i keep feeding it cheese. but then my head has been getting this feverish surge of enegry. Kinda like a fever sweat but only on my scalp/head. Its very strange. I feel very ungrounded and unbalanced.
Looking at all I have to do in the next weeks I feel as though I am sitting at the bottom of a mountain looking up at what Im going to have to bike. ugh. One leg in front of the other.
I have high exspectations of people, i exspect them to treat me like another human being. Just like them, a living breathing thinking feeling human being. I get upset and hurt when they dont. Joe asks me why I dont lower my standards. Well why the fuck should I? I am a human being i deserved to be treated as such. This means being considered. Now people are smucks so they dont do this. My co-workers for example. They hurt me a lot yesterday, and probably had no idea that they were making me so upset that i had to go outside and cry. So why should I lower my opinion of what consideration humantiy should afford its other members? because i got hurt. well la-de-da. i got hurt. i let it out. i was fine. im not scared of pain. i would rather work towards people being better human beings than to be complacent and not care and shut myself off from everything so that i dont get hurt. Being hurt is enevidable. It will always happen whenever you allow yourself to feel. You get the good with the bad, its one of the unwritten laws of the universe. Balance.
Now I was upset. I went home. I cried and screamed in the car. I let it out into the universe and drew a picture that was searing the inside of my brain. And then it was gone.
Mind you that this, while upsetting me, wasnt THAT big a deal. I could chanel that into the creative outlet. bigger things are harder to release. the desire the keep them in and feel that you were wronged is greater. But feeling wronged isnt productive unless it spurs you to do something and still its not healthy.
People close off so much of themselves because they are afriad of getting hurt. I close myself off because I dont see 'people' willing to give me back what I put forth. Who wants to pour emotion and life into someone thats just going to take it and not give you that love back?
The hard part is that i love my fellow humans but they tend not to love their fellow humans. I have not yet found someone i could not find compassion for.
in other news i cant tell if im sick or not. my stomach has been feeling very upset for the past two weeks every morning and through out the day. specifically at 4. It may be the fact that it doesnt want to process cheese and i keep feeding it cheese. but then my head has been getting this feverish surge of enegry. Kinda like a fever sweat but only on my scalp/head. Its very strange. I feel very ungrounded and unbalanced.
Looking at all I have to do in the next weeks I feel as though I am sitting at the bottom of a mountain looking up at what Im going to have to bike. ugh. One leg in front of the other.