What is on my mind.
Im just wondering but... IS it almost as if this whole mood thing as happend before? What. Yea. Im fucking crazy.
There is not point in faking it anymore. No point in hidding it from my mother. Everything I have been feeling isnt normal.
People don't feel like this. People don't freak out cause of nothing for a week and feel better after like nothing happened. People don't cry cause all the thoughts in their head are to loud.
so fuck that. Im going to the doctor. Im tired of feeling like this. Its so fucking hard to explain. Shit like this runs on both sides of my family. So I'm fucking bound to have something wrong with my head.
maybe.
You know what is even worse? I switch from person to person. no one knows everything. It would be nice to have someone who does. YOu know someone i can say "you know how... blah blah blah."
Matt is usually my go to guy. But i havent talked to him in forever cause im afriad of him knowing things.
I never opened up to Gwen with my problems. I wish I did.
Annabelle is a....well no help at all except for when i need to vent and freak out.
I think that Jordy was the only one who ever knew what the hell was going on in my head. Thats what i get for freaking out around him. But he is gone. Thats what I get for dating my best friend. and now i dont have anyone to talk to. And i guess thats what i get for leaving. Cause he didnt have much either after i left. and its my fault that i had to move so far away from someone who needed me to keep him fucking straight and normal.
I thought i was good at that stuff. Jordy got arrested once while we were together. ONCE! THats not bad at all. really it isnt and he stoped most of the cutting even though i somehow started him but we made each oter stop. HE even stoped thinking about the gun. How fucking sweet.
I cant talk to Joe about anything going on in my brain. He never listens. Thats ok. I don't need him to listen. If he doenst care about it then what good would it do anyway. That sounds so bad but its the truth. and thats the easiest way to face it.
Im glad that no one really reads my journal cause well they would just point and laugh at me.
There is not point in faking it anymore. No point in hidding it from my mother. Everything I have been feeling isnt normal.
People don't feel like this. People don't freak out cause of nothing for a week and feel better after like nothing happened. People don't cry cause all the thoughts in their head are to loud.
so fuck that. Im going to the doctor. Im tired of feeling like this. Its so fucking hard to explain. Shit like this runs on both sides of my family. So I'm fucking bound to have something wrong with my head.
maybe.
You know what is even worse? I switch from person to person. no one knows everything. It would be nice to have someone who does. YOu know someone i can say "you know how... blah blah blah."
Matt is usually my go to guy. But i havent talked to him in forever cause im afriad of him knowing things.
I never opened up to Gwen with my problems. I wish I did.
Annabelle is a....well no help at all except for when i need to vent and freak out.
I think that Jordy was the only one who ever knew what the hell was going on in my head. Thats what i get for freaking out around him. But he is gone. Thats what I get for dating my best friend. and now i dont have anyone to talk to. And i guess thats what i get for leaving. Cause he didnt have much either after i left. and its my fault that i had to move so far away from someone who needed me to keep him fucking straight and normal.
I thought i was good at that stuff. Jordy got arrested once while we were together. ONCE! THats not bad at all. really it isnt and he stoped most of the cutting even though i somehow started him but we made each oter stop. HE even stoped thinking about the gun. How fucking sweet.
I cant talk to Joe about anything going on in my brain. He never listens. Thats ok. I don't need him to listen. If he doenst care about it then what good would it do anyway. That sounds so bad but its the truth. and thats the easiest way to face it.
Im glad that no one really reads my journal cause well they would just point and laugh at me.