he's beautiful, he's beautiful, he's beautiful...it's true
i am so confused...Like, ah i dont even know how to explain it. Like man, i love hanging out with francois, i really do...and yes, i do love what we do...or i guess, how we are? i dont know, well you get the point ((this is my journal, if you dont like what you read...dont read it. kaapeesh?)). but anyways...it's just that, everytime we're together like "that", afterwards it reminds me, 'no, im not doing this with someone im actually with' and 'no, im still not with anyone' ((it's been a year since i've had a relationship...exactly a year December 23rd, lol...i just remember that cuz i remember this same person asked me out to the movies for christmas eve)). And it kinda depresses me. But like...there's no one out there that i know that i do have feelings for...besides one person. There's no one out there that likes the things i do and acts as crazy, if not crazier than i do...besides one person. There's no one out there that's completely open minded and just..."out there", like i am...besides one person.
And that one person doesn't feel anything for me in that sense. They really hate being single and dont think anyone's out there though...but like, if i say "hey, im over here"...it could change what we are right now...and if that's as far as its ever gunna go...i just wanna know that, like truely know. So i can be cool with that. Or i want to know something more caaaaaaan happen, even a chance of it happening. But i dont really wanna risk what we are now...for something that's probably all only my feelings.
This's gunna sound corny but i just dont understand how someone that i connect with so well...cant connect with me. I've seriously never connected with a person that quickly, that turns into this and just to this extent. Which's why im still holding on to this stupid last thread that keeps dangling infront of me. Like this kid just brings out this side of me that no one ive ever known has had the "power" to do. It's not that im a different person around him...im completely myself but i do more, im open to more things, i dunno...in a weird way he's taught me alot and i admire him so much.
I just don't know how to bring this all up without him thinking "okay she's feeling too much for this to be right" if he does feel nothing and wants to stay the way we are...which's probably how it is. cuz im seriously just not that lucky and man he could do so much better. But i really do wanna just know...can there be anything more? Like does he actually see a possibility of something in the future...or is this what we are for good.
I realize that this's the age where chicks go nuts and think they're in love with everyone. But i've had one serious relationship. I dont date unless i really do care about the person. And that's why it's hard to just completely give up...because no, i don't feel like this about many people...ever. ask anyone that knows me.
"I don't wanna spend another night, trying to figure why you are always on my mind"
And that one person doesn't feel anything for me in that sense. They really hate being single and dont think anyone's out there though...but like, if i say "hey, im over here"...it could change what we are right now...and if that's as far as its ever gunna go...i just wanna know that, like truely know. So i can be cool with that. Or i want to know something more caaaaaaan happen, even a chance of it happening. But i dont really wanna risk what we are now...for something that's probably all only my feelings.
This's gunna sound corny but i just dont understand how someone that i connect with so well...cant connect with me. I've seriously never connected with a person that quickly, that turns into this and just to this extent. Which's why im still holding on to this stupid last thread that keeps dangling infront of me. Like this kid just brings out this side of me that no one ive ever known has had the "power" to do. It's not that im a different person around him...im completely myself but i do more, im open to more things, i dunno...in a weird way he's taught me alot and i admire him so much.
I just don't know how to bring this all up without him thinking "okay she's feeling too much for this to be right" if he does feel nothing and wants to stay the way we are...which's probably how it is. cuz im seriously just not that lucky and man he could do so much better. But i really do wanna just know...can there be anything more? Like does he actually see a possibility of something in the future...or is this what we are for good.
I realize that this's the age where chicks go nuts and think they're in love with everyone. But i've had one serious relationship. I dont date unless i really do care about the person. And that's why it's hard to just completely give up...because no, i don't feel like this about many people...ever. ask anyone that knows me.
"I don't wanna spend another night, trying to figure why you are always on my mind"