Graditude -- the bitter and the sweet
There are days when things just feel like they are crumbling around you. Everything falls apart. Or that you are in a middle of a raging storm and no way to get out of it. Work at the framing shoppe has been hell for the last two days. It amazes me what the stress of the holiday season turns people into because they don't have that perfect picture up in a spot to showcase and show off. I had to tell one customer to take a deep breath to try and get him to calm down because of screw ups that weren't my fault and we are trying to dig ourselves out of. i worked tuesday from 12pm to 10pm. then turned around and came in yesterday and worked 10am to 10 pm. and i'm not anything but sales and framing. i'm not management. but if i didn't stay it would mean more work for me when i got in. it's frustrating. i was going to help out and be a key holder, but after these last two days and getting on the verge of tears in the middle of the backroom i turned it down. i just won't put myself through that. already i do what i can, to the best that i can. if i became a key it would add more stress to my life and i don't need that. i have enough of it trying to get my business to be profitable.
in all the drama of yesterday, i was given a gift. two gifts. one customer gave me a hug because he really loved the final product. my cell phone was flooded with phone calls yesterday and i didn't answer. i should have. there was an important call on there from the woman at Kripalu yoga center telling me the status of my Yoga Teacher Training application (i'm switching yoga teaching programs.) Yeah i got in. i kinda knew i would. but it was good news. even better were her words. she said my application, my words in my essays brought tears to her eyes. i moved someone that much. she said it was one of the better applications that she had seen in a long time because of the program i am trying to set up with a friend of mine to give yoga classes to girls in my community who need something. i've seen how yoga has changed my life. given me purpose. given me a path. given me strength from within, shown me that all that was already there in me. yoga led me to massage, and now it's time to come back to yoga fully and completly.
i will be attending the YTT at Kripalu for a full month. it's an intestive with one day a week off. 6 days a week of yoga. morning noon and night. living a yoga life in the middle of winter in the Berskshire mountains. after this hellish retail holiday season it will be a wonderful break for my mind and spirit -- my body is still debating.
the sweetness of acceptance would have been wholely appreciated without the bitterness of my two days. but that bitterness, reminded me of where i really don't want to be. it's just a means to an end. i look at a good friend of mine and i get jealous and a bit envious cause things seem to be handed to her without much effort....but this morning i am grateful for the struggle i've gone through to try and get to the place i want and need to be. it makes it sweeter. it makes me feel more accomplished. it's hard. it's not idealistic or a cake walk. and i don't want to struggle. but if this is what the universe is throwing at me, making me figure out how to get up the hill rather than laying the path in front of me. fine. so be it.
Happy turkey day everyone. May your day be filled with love, laughter, and much kindness to each other.