(no subject)
"Still awake on a winters day
skies are gray and it's cold
Smoke signals from my last cigarette
Lets me know that it's finally getting old"
It is difficult to explain the thoughts running through my head, and the conclusions I have come up with in the past few days are even harder to comprehend. My life, MY own life, is a work in progress, ladies and gentlemen. I've been seeing things in a new light, so to speak. I sit here to the point of near fatal exhaustion and think with an incessant fervor, while everything in my sight just starts to swim. My vison focuses and then just zooms out. Insanity? No. Quite frankly, I don't know what these random vision trips are.
"I don't understand the fucked up shit we do
and i won't pretend that it's ok and look the other way
I'll never know what it means to be you
so many talking shit, will we ever get a clue?
I want to break down but don't know if I can
Need to break down but don't know if I can
Try to re-write history the lines got drawn long ago
The greatest mystery
Why have we not destroyed ourselves?
Never know I'll never know can't crawl inside your mind
Will we ever embrace the thought?
We have so little time!"
The person I have become is one that I, myself, do not recognize. I'm glad that I have overcome so many things that I used to plaue myself with, and yet I long for that emotional masochism that I used as a blanket of comfort? hah. That sentence, in itself, is a preternatural string of foreign characters pieced together to make an even stranger realization. All thses thoughts and so calle drealizations are like a continuous blow to the head, to the stomach, and to the heart. And although utterly callous, I feel they are necessary and am fucking glad to all hell that I can start seeing shit in that metaphorical and proverbial new light.
"Try to bury the legend, it's time for the resurrection
Tomorrow's forever, so look ahead
There's more to life than playing dead
Like the neon that lights up the night
Pride and hope once again burn bright
Are you ready for the ressurgence of the unconquered contingent
They'll give the torch to carry, alright
But the unworthy shall bathe in its light
The rich mans gain is the punk's loss
You carry the banner that becomes a cross"
My nose is a runny mess. It's like a fuking waterfall, no joke. My eyes are watering from the inability to sneeze and I feel like a cock-eyed bafoon for my eye is twitching. I have managed to compile a considerable pile of groty tissue, despite the fact that my nose is stuffed-you know, despite the fact that my nose only likes to run.
"Run for the hills
We’re both sinners and saints
Not a woman, but a whore
I can just taste the hate"
Someone told me something that truly bothered/angered/contused my ego me the other day. It went along the lines of me being too fucked up all the time. And as I thought about it at that point in time I realized that it was true, because I couldn't fucking remember. oops. My bad. Let's just say that didn't go over too well, for my ego's sake, of course.
"Monkey on my back, aching in my bones
I forgot you said ’one day you’ll walk alone’
My heart was blackened, it’s bloody red
A hole in my heart, a hole in my head?
In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I’m addicted to chaos"
I fucking realized that I have been getting fucked up for the same reasons I told myself I never would. I became a hypocrit, and this is what pisses me off.the most. Now THAT was like a hypothetical kick in the groin. Guys say that their stomachs hurt after a swift, powerful kick in the balls. I used to find that funny, and don't get me wrong I still do. But that physical and nauseating pain was the emotional turmoil and disgust I felt towards myself after another one of these long brainstorming sessions for this discovery of me. I have a lot more thoughts to discover, and even more to still completely decipher. The biggest one, I believe, is my fucking inability to feel for anyone. Some people seek a counselor, and I seek my own self. It might not be a pretty ride, but maybe the metaphorical puke along the way will be worth it.
"The young ones,
Darling we’re the young ones,
And young ones shouldn’t be afraid.
To live, love
While the flame is strong,
For we won’t be the young ones very long.
Tomorrow,
Why wait till tomorrow,
Tomorrow sometimes never comes.
Love, me,
There’s a song to be sung
And the best time is to sing while we’re young.
Once in every lifetime
Comes a love like this.
I need you and you need me.
Oh my darling can’t you see.
Young dreams
Should be dreamed together,
Young hearts shouldn’t be afraid.
And some day when the years have flown
Darling, this will teach the young ones of our own.
The young ones
Darling, we’re the young ones
The young ones
Darling, we’re the young ones."
That fucking "love" is what I secretly seek and what I most avidly shun. Too young to fall in love could be the phrase (and yeah, we all hail Motley), but I think (har har) that too nieve is more appropriate.
skies are gray and it's cold
Smoke signals from my last cigarette
Lets me know that it's finally getting old"
It is difficult to explain the thoughts running through my head, and the conclusions I have come up with in the past few days are even harder to comprehend. My life, MY own life, is a work in progress, ladies and gentlemen. I've been seeing things in a new light, so to speak. I sit here to the point of near fatal exhaustion and think with an incessant fervor, while everything in my sight just starts to swim. My vison focuses and then just zooms out. Insanity? No. Quite frankly, I don't know what these random vision trips are.
"I don't understand the fucked up shit we do
and i won't pretend that it's ok and look the other way
I'll never know what it means to be you
so many talking shit, will we ever get a clue?
I want to break down but don't know if I can
Need to break down but don't know if I can
Try to re-write history the lines got drawn long ago
The greatest mystery
Why have we not destroyed ourselves?
Never know I'll never know can't crawl inside your mind
Will we ever embrace the thought?
We have so little time!"
The person I have become is one that I, myself, do not recognize. I'm glad that I have overcome so many things that I used to plaue myself with, and yet I long for that emotional masochism that I used as a blanket of comfort? hah. That sentence, in itself, is a preternatural string of foreign characters pieced together to make an even stranger realization. All thses thoughts and so calle drealizations are like a continuous blow to the head, to the stomach, and to the heart. And although utterly callous, I feel they are necessary and am fucking glad to all hell that I can start seeing shit in that metaphorical and proverbial new light.
"Try to bury the legend, it's time for the resurrection
Tomorrow's forever, so look ahead
There's more to life than playing dead
Like the neon that lights up the night
Pride and hope once again burn bright
Are you ready for the ressurgence of the unconquered contingent
They'll give the torch to carry, alright
But the unworthy shall bathe in its light
The rich mans gain is the punk's loss
You carry the banner that becomes a cross"
My nose is a runny mess. It's like a fuking waterfall, no joke. My eyes are watering from the inability to sneeze and I feel like a cock-eyed bafoon for my eye is twitching. I have managed to compile a considerable pile of groty tissue, despite the fact that my nose is stuffed-you know, despite the fact that my nose only likes to run.
"Run for the hills
We’re both sinners and saints
Not a woman, but a whore
I can just taste the hate"
Someone told me something that truly bothered/angered/contused my ego me the other day. It went along the lines of me being too fucked up all the time. And as I thought about it at that point in time I realized that it was true, because I couldn't fucking remember. oops. My bad. Let's just say that didn't go over too well, for my ego's sake, of course.
"Monkey on my back, aching in my bones
I forgot you said ’one day you’ll walk alone’
My heart was blackened, it’s bloody red
A hole in my heart, a hole in my head?
In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I’m addicted to chaos"
I fucking realized that I have been getting fucked up for the same reasons I told myself I never would. I became a hypocrit, and this is what pisses me off.the most. Now THAT was like a hypothetical kick in the groin. Guys say that their stomachs hurt after a swift, powerful kick in the balls. I used to find that funny, and don't get me wrong I still do. But that physical and nauseating pain was the emotional turmoil and disgust I felt towards myself after another one of these long brainstorming sessions for this discovery of me. I have a lot more thoughts to discover, and even more to still completely decipher. The biggest one, I believe, is my fucking inability to feel for anyone. Some people seek a counselor, and I seek my own self. It might not be a pretty ride, but maybe the metaphorical puke along the way will be worth it.
"The young ones,
Darling we’re the young ones,
And young ones shouldn’t be afraid.
To live, love
While the flame is strong,
For we won’t be the young ones very long.
Tomorrow,
Why wait till tomorrow,
Tomorrow sometimes never comes.
Love, me,
There’s a song to be sung
And the best time is to sing while we’re young.
Once in every lifetime
Comes a love like this.
I need you and you need me.
Oh my darling can’t you see.
Young dreams
Should be dreamed together,
Young hearts shouldn’t be afraid.
And some day when the years have flown
Darling, this will teach the young ones of our own.
The young ones
Darling, we’re the young ones
The young ones
Darling, we’re the young ones."
That fucking "love" is what I secretly seek and what I most avidly shun. Too young to fall in love could be the phrase (and yeah, we all hail Motley), but I think (har har) that too nieve is more appropriate.