man, it's been awhile
I feel like I haven't posted in some time now and I'm sure there's some of you wondering where I am or how I'm doing. So I'll start off by saying, physically... I'm wasted. Mentally, I'm at ropes end. Tragically it's my own doing. I firmly believe that life is what you make it and no matter what is thrown at you, you personally have the ability to control how you accept it.
My biggest fear of moving back was being back with the same ol kids doing the same ol stuff. And it happened. On top of this I'm having to wake up early to meet with my realstate agent and being shown houses. For the past week and a half I've been up to all hours of the night going into the morning and of the 5 times I've met with my agent three of those times I haven't been to sleep since the night before. Two of those times I didn't even have enough time to go back home and freshen up, still wearing clothes from the night out. Luckily I carry an assortment of hats, cologne, and mouthwash in my car for just those emergencies. You would think I should be accostomed to viewing property by now and making smoother decisions but it feels as if it's just becoming an amounting headache. I'm sure the lack of sleep and rest doesn't help the process.
My NYE was awesome, a little too awesome. My original intention was to spend it in DC with the old crew but plans changed and going out of town would have proven to be too much of a hassle so I wanted it to be a "somewhat" quiet evening but the night before I was out at a club downtown with my friends and I'm leaning over a balcony looking over the dance floor talking with Elton and Ashton comes up behind me and says, "guess who I found!" When I turn around it's a girl I have a famaliar feeling with and before I know it we're hugging and laughing and I'm still unsure who I'm embraced with. Then it occurs to me. It's a girl who five years ago I had the biggest crush on but was dating someone else at the time. The same month I was incarcerated she moved to Miami, which was fitting her personality combined with her looks was bigger than Roanoke. She happened to be on break and back visiting family. I didn't recognize her because, it's been five years and her hair is longer and blonde. We made plans for celebrating NYE together and my planned evening of relaxing turned out just opposite. I finally got back home at 1pm the next day and instead of the hopeful sleep I should have gotten, it was more house hunting and lunch with the parental units. Finally got to bed only to be awoken to Jaime calling and wanting to hang out again. So again it was "rinse and repeat" for the next two nights following that. Luckily she flew out yesterday.
That combined with my old friends who many of you reading this know, partying is a lifestyle, has made the almost two weeks of being back hell. Before I closed my eyes last night I laid in bed reflecting for about an hour and made a silent promise to myself to not continue on this way even if it means I have to seperate myself from them.
In the two weeks since I've been back I did take a two day clarity time when I drove back to Raleigh to pick some more of my stuff up and spend some time with a girl I met before I left. Sadly I knew that something like this would happen and I would meet someone who I could find myself with for an extended length. Even if I hadn't moved her time in Raliegh was finite because after the coming summer she's moving to hopefully Boston to start law school. Now she's talking about taking her acceptance at a law school in VA (about an hour away). I can only think that she's doing it for the hope of something continuing with us but I would vehemently advise her not to do something as foolish as that. She counters with the fact that the school is ranked in the top 15 schools in the nation for law but moving because of someone is the ultimate foolhardy decision.
Ok, I'm too tired right now and it's only 3pm. I gotta catch some zz's.
My biggest fear of moving back was being back with the same ol kids doing the same ol stuff. And it happened. On top of this I'm having to wake up early to meet with my realstate agent and being shown houses. For the past week and a half I've been up to all hours of the night going into the morning and of the 5 times I've met with my agent three of those times I haven't been to sleep since the night before. Two of those times I didn't even have enough time to go back home and freshen up, still wearing clothes from the night out. Luckily I carry an assortment of hats, cologne, and mouthwash in my car for just those emergencies. You would think I should be accostomed to viewing property by now and making smoother decisions but it feels as if it's just becoming an amounting headache. I'm sure the lack of sleep and rest doesn't help the process.
My NYE was awesome, a little too awesome. My original intention was to spend it in DC with the old crew but plans changed and going out of town would have proven to be too much of a hassle so I wanted it to be a "somewhat" quiet evening but the night before I was out at a club downtown with my friends and I'm leaning over a balcony looking over the dance floor talking with Elton and Ashton comes up behind me and says, "guess who I found!" When I turn around it's a girl I have a famaliar feeling with and before I know it we're hugging and laughing and I'm still unsure who I'm embraced with. Then it occurs to me. It's a girl who five years ago I had the biggest crush on but was dating someone else at the time. The same month I was incarcerated she moved to Miami, which was fitting her personality combined with her looks was bigger than Roanoke. She happened to be on break and back visiting family. I didn't recognize her because, it's been five years and her hair is longer and blonde. We made plans for celebrating NYE together and my planned evening of relaxing turned out just opposite. I finally got back home at 1pm the next day and instead of the hopeful sleep I should have gotten, it was more house hunting and lunch with the parental units. Finally got to bed only to be awoken to Jaime calling and wanting to hang out again. So again it was "rinse and repeat" for the next two nights following that. Luckily she flew out yesterday.
That combined with my old friends who many of you reading this know, partying is a lifestyle, has made the almost two weeks of being back hell. Before I closed my eyes last night I laid in bed reflecting for about an hour and made a silent promise to myself to not continue on this way even if it means I have to seperate myself from them.
In the two weeks since I've been back I did take a two day clarity time when I drove back to Raleigh to pick some more of my stuff up and spend some time with a girl I met before I left. Sadly I knew that something like this would happen and I would meet someone who I could find myself with for an extended length. Even if I hadn't moved her time in Raliegh was finite because after the coming summer she's moving to hopefully Boston to start law school. Now she's talking about taking her acceptance at a law school in VA (about an hour away). I can only think that she's doing it for the hope of something continuing with us but I would vehemently advise her not to do something as foolish as that. She counters with the fact that the school is ranked in the top 15 schools in the nation for law but moving because of someone is the ultimate foolhardy decision.
Ok, I'm too tired right now and it's only 3pm. I gotta catch some zz's.