i hurt.
my feet hurt.
and so do i.
not just physically, but emotionally too. i hate always having to be the one to ask people for plans- it makes me feel like the only reason people ever do stuff with me is because i ask them to. and i hate it. i feel so far from some of my friends. and i hate that feeling too. i wish things were how they were back at the beginning of 8th grade- it seemed like everything was perfect. yes, i did make cheerleading. and im really happy i did. but then, theres so much other stuff thats gone so wrong that i cant even take the time to feel happy about something so small as cheer.
lately, it seems like there isnt really anyone here for me. maybe its my fault. maybe its me thats disconnecting myself off. i dont really know. i just hate feeling alone. i also hate being ignored. i mean, c'mon, everyone likes a little attention now and then. its a really bad feeling to walk up to a group of people and feel unwanted. its like seeing a group of people that are having a conversation and then you walk up and they stop talking- it sucks. so why wont they just let you know they dont want you? people are FAKE. yes, thats right. i said it. FAKE. and love. love can be fake too. why would someone want to waste their time and pretend to love someone and then just walk off with someone else. or worse- love someone, do something stupid, and throw it all away? i dont know. but what i do know- i wouldnt do that to someone i love. i hate getting in fights with people, but even more- i hate when people talk about me behind my back. i guess im being a hypocrit because yes i do talk about other people. doesnt everyone? but just the same- everyone hates it when their name comes up. maybe everyone is a hypocrit. i'm not the kind of girl that can talk about her feelings- so i dont. and then wheni get mad at someone, i cant just walk up to them and say i am. no. instead, i have to be a bitch. and im sorry, but thats just how i am. i cant help it. also, i hate crying. but lately, i've been crying so easily at anything. and i feel like the people that i've been crying to have been getting annoyed at me for that. and im sorry. because i dont like crying. i feel like i've been replaced in my group of friends. by whom? i dont know. i just feel replaced. and i'll say it one last time-
I HATE IT!
ech okay- sorry if you just read that all. i had to get it out. but thanks for taking the time.
so now, im at home after installs waiting to go to a sleepover that i dont really want to go to. but what am i supposed to do? i cant skip it, cause im on exec board. im just not in the mood right now for it. im wearing audras blue sweatpants which are so comfy but a bit big =(. ohhh well... maybe going to camp will be good- then i can just get away from everything for awhile. i saw my love danielle tonight. i missed her so much! only 23 days 'til i get to see her again =). but then- the problem with going to camp is that im going to leave everyone else. and im sad about that. ugh. w/e. okay well more later. exohexoh♥