Somewhere to Breathe.......
Now that I started a new blog it's been ages since I did any sort of journaling for myself without some thought in the back of my mind that I was also writing for the readers. I think for the sake of my own sanity I will try to take up my thoughts here because really, when it gets down to it, I just feel alienated or burdensome by sharing my concerns, worries, or stresses. And lately I've been feeling a lot of those.
It seems to be a pattern. Every year after my birthday I go into this state of discontentment. Every September I want change and something new. Most often whatever relationship I'm in will end. I'll think about pursuing a new career option. And it's no different this year. Perhaps I've simply been thoroughly conditioned due to years of academics, but it doesn't seem like anyone else struggles like this?
Currently I'm in a position where I'm so fed up with my job. Modeling feels so completely worthless. Singapore has been less than satisfactory with so much competition and the market leaning towards 16 or 17 year old girls. It makes me a bit sick. I've had horrible luck at being cancelled from jobs. The one that really got me down was today I was cancelled for my job which was basically to watch the F1 Races with some company's clients because they decided to use more Asians. Damn you Asia!
Also, relationships.... Oh relationships......... I feel simply impossible. It's like I am too complacent and will simply carry on a relationship past it's expiration until one of us leaves the country. How lame and pathetic is that?
It seems to be a pattern. Every year after my birthday I go into this state of discontentment. Every September I want change and something new. Most often whatever relationship I'm in will end. I'll think about pursuing a new career option. And it's no different this year. Perhaps I've simply been thoroughly conditioned due to years of academics, but it doesn't seem like anyone else struggles like this?
Currently I'm in a position where I'm so fed up with my job. Modeling feels so completely worthless. Singapore has been less than satisfactory with so much competition and the market leaning towards 16 or 17 year old girls. It makes me a bit sick. I've had horrible luck at being cancelled from jobs. The one that really got me down was today I was cancelled for my job which was basically to watch the F1 Races with some company's clients because they decided to use more Asians. Damn you Asia!
Also, relationships.... Oh relationships......... I feel simply impossible. It's like I am too complacent and will simply carry on a relationship past it's expiration until one of us leaves the country. How lame and pathetic is that?