LOVE IS A CHOICE
* L I V E * P O E M *
by Anna Bernaldo
"Love is a choice," my mother always says,
But this time her spatula did not point
Pragmatically in my direction.
It stirred silence on the boiling broth,
Ripples marching the excited rhythm
Of the TV sports anchor's voice
In a basketball game my father is watching.
Now that I'm older, I'm forced to reconsider
You and my fixation on the Addams couple
As our role models forever.
One always hungry for the other.
I never listened to my mother,
But every day I see her.
And I'm older and love must be domestic.
Responsible, sensible as a haircut in summer.
Is it possible for us to make something more
Out of what we are about to have?
Of course, you do not know.
Even I do not know.
Why did I even begin asking questions?
I just wanted to write you a love poem
But I can only live one for you.
***
This says it all... exactly what i'm feeling right now. It's amazing how cosmic it is when you're feeling damn tired of thinking about matters of happenstance, taking risks and what ifs, unable and helpless to write, but someone, somehow... somewhere from another time or place can write it all for you. =]
Ouhhh man... I'm confused again.
He's really a nice... sweet guy *verrry ideal*... but i cant commit. Right person... but wrong time. How comical and annoying. I have these capitalistic dreams... and staying here is out of question. =[... I dont want to give him hopes and leave him sad after but it's unbearable when he starts treating me cold. I like him... or maybe more than that. X(
its a choice
its a choice...
but then again... if i was the persona... i wouldnt have listened too.
(Some side effects of flunking down Pharmaceutical Chemistry Laboratory. Crunky... so un-gangsta-ish)
***
EARLIER:
Something made my cold, cold heart flutter.
I was caught off guard. ...and the person's actions really surprised me.
Someone's words from last week was really true... deep down i care or cared. (even an eensy weensy bit) ...and what I felt right then (the moment i heard the voice) was pure pity. I sometimes think of the old days but I already said it's a closed chapter for me. I'll be a hypocrite to deny that I was hurt. =]
...drama.
"Let the moon back in. Let music
and love's other bric-a-brac remain.
We will always need somebody else
to blame..."
***
TO THE FORMER MAN:
You Tell Me
by Marra PL. Lanot
You tell me if you had a wife
You wouldn't mind her falling
In love with another, especially
If you left her crying in the night.
You ask me if I want you
To think of no one but me
For you say you'd gladly spend
Your life unraveling a mystery;
Thinking of me, you say,
Is like deciphering a distant star.
And you wouldn't mind
Being used in a poem,
For art you cant refuse.
To err is human
But "human" is no excuse.
To love is natural, the heart
Has its reason, but
The heart is unreasonable
And I am left confused.
So I'd rather cry over him
Than be happy with you;
I'd rather end up
Dreaming and remain a star
You'll always seek and remember
Than sink down and regret
You're like other men
Who make their women cry.
*This poem was written in 1984. I felt this way November 16, 2005. =]
You know I suddenly remembered you...
the difference is right now there's no feeling involved.
I even wrote you this:
12:49 PM
Raining - UST Colayco Park
May 26, 2005
"...I could write you a thousand poems you know. These are the times when the wind presses me in and the pressure wants to break free from me. These jargons turning into depression. To miss someone means 40 million words."
"I would have wanted to say this to your face but you're nowhere to be found... of course you are (fucken) miles away from me and this chair is holding me back from your arms. I want to smell your botanical-soaked breath, my tongue swirling... lost like an orphan. And this rain is ruining my newly-saloned hair. You should see it. You really should. You know it still smells like the comb the kapampangan hair-dresser used while she speaks unfamilar words. I didnt understand it... I tried to reply but I dont know what I say anymore. Kinda like now... my words are always lost when I think of you. I miss you and my logic pours down with every drop of the rain."
***
(-___-)" So many unpublished stuffs from me.
BAHHH.