Just....why?
I rather feel like I'm trying to pull my life together by brute force, and I don't like it. I suppose no one really likes it, so I don't really have a right to complain. So I'm not complaining, per se, more like punching the nearest wall and going "Graaaaahhh!!!" There's a rather large series of decisions that are all inter-connected, time-sensitive and coming fast. What sucks about these decisions is that they're not connected in a way in which I can pull one into place and the rest will follow. No, it's the kind of connection where I pull them all together in rapid succession, or not at all. What sucks even more is that I lack nearly any semblance of control over them.
Honestly, I could back down any time I wanted to. I could hold off Plan for another semester, etc., but I'm not going to. It needs to be done, and I'm going to do it. ...And just hope that I come out of it still standing.
Now, with this onslaught of.... everything, what I don't need is a self-esteem problem to top it off. No, I don't have one. Yet. Instead, I'm currently dealing with the fact that I'm an idiot. I am, and there's no escaping it. I'm a biology major, and I can't remember what the Krebbs Cycle is to save my soul. While I look forward to eventually sitting down and talking to my outside examinator, I just know that between them and Bob, I'll be asked a series of questions through which it shall be revealed that I know next to nothing about the basic underpinnings of biology. It's not that I'm a complete failure, just that I'm a balloon- all surface area and no mass to speak of. And everyone will wonder how I got through four years of college like this.
Mmm, so yeah. I guess that all in all, I'm just tired of feeling so very frayed. And the idea that I'm looking forward to a semester of similar activity levels does not thrill me. At all.
Honestly, I could back down any time I wanted to. I could hold off Plan for another semester, etc., but I'm not going to. It needs to be done, and I'm going to do it. ...And just hope that I come out of it still standing.
Now, with this onslaught of.... everything, what I don't need is a self-esteem problem to top it off. No, I don't have one. Yet. Instead, I'm currently dealing with the fact that I'm an idiot. I am, and there's no escaping it. I'm a biology major, and I can't remember what the Krebbs Cycle is to save my soul. While I look forward to eventually sitting down and talking to my outside examinator, I just know that between them and Bob, I'll be asked a series of questions through which it shall be revealed that I know next to nothing about the basic underpinnings of biology. It's not that I'm a complete failure, just that I'm a balloon- all surface area and no mass to speak of. And everyone will wonder how I got through four years of college like this.
Mmm, so yeah. I guess that all in all, I'm just tired of feeling so very frayed. And the idea that I'm looking forward to a semester of similar activity levels does not thrill me. At all.