(no subject)
Author: Ana Luthor (mrs_luthor)
Pairing: Harry/Hermione, with mentions of Harry/Luna
Rating: PG-13 with a tiny bit of something close to NC-17
Genre: Angst
Summary: He will wait.
A/N: If you’ve ever read anything written by me, this will probably seem weird. It’s a different style from what I’m used to write, practically no descriptions and reactions. Are you sure you want to read it? X) It’s my first H/Hr story (yes, you read it right!) though, and I’m quite proud of it. So please, be kind :)
[edited: I knew there was something missing. I added the lyrics of Cheers Darlin' to the story]
____________________________________
Cheers Darlin'
He couldn’t quite figure out his emotions that moment. It was painful to see her with him, to watch her smiling at him and kissing him as if he was the most important thing in her life.
Harry wondered why it had taken him so long to realise he loved her. Maybe it was because he'd thought that she was in love with Ron. Or maybe because he had never considered the possibility that she might loved him back. No, not her. She could never love him, not the way he wanted her to. She would give her life in order to save his, she would do anything for him, but she only loved him as a friend, just a friend. It was what he had always thought.
Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
“...and since he doesn’t have any close friends, well, not close enough to be his best man and he knows how much it would mean to me, I want you to be the best man, Harry. Do you want to?”
He remained silent. It was hard enough to accept that she was getting married, but now he would have to be a part of that? He would go to the ceremony, surely that was enough.
“Harry?”
“Yes, of course.”
She gave him a quick smile and hugged him. He enjoyed the few seconds of contact. While still hugging him, she asked him if he was positive. He nodded, unable to say anything. How could he refuse her?
The wedding came and Harry even managed to give a speech. He even managed to keep up a happy facade, just for her.
“When she said she was getting married, I...well, I got desperate. I thought that for the first time, someone would actually be able to take her away from me. The idea of not having Hermione in my life made me feel completely lost.”
She was staring at him, as was everyone else in the party. But there was something different in her eyes. A hint of sadness masked by her smile.
“After everything we went through, we’re still friends. She’s still here beside me. I couldn’t think of anyone better than Viktor to take care of her. I’m glad Hermione found someone that loves her as much as she deserves. Viktor was lucky to find her, but I’m sure he already knows how amazing she is. Today is a day to celebrate their union. To Hermione and Viktor!”
There was applause, smiles and tears, the speech was over. The party had come to a close. Harry didn’t get the chance to talk to her, to dance with her. He didn’t want to. It would only make it harder to accept this whole thing. No matter what he had said before, he knew he had lost her, completely.
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You gave me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away
Months passed and he still felt the same desolation that had come over him at the end of the wedding. Hermione called him nearly every week and they had gone out a few times. Each time she had told him how wonderful Viktor was and well their marriage was going. Each time Harry thought to himself that he couldn't bear to hear the name 'Viktor' one more time.
And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were runnin' in the rain
“What’s wrong, Hermione?”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s something wrong with your smile.”
“What?”
“Your smile. It’s the same smile you gave me at your wedding. When I was giving my speech.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my smile, Harry.”
“Then what’s wrong with you?”
“What makes you thing that there’s something wrong?”
“I know you.”
She stared at him, taken aback by his words.
“You knew me, Harry. I’m different.”
“Different how?”
“Just different. I’m not a girl anymore.”
“No, you’re not. You’re a woman now.”
“Yes, I am. And we changed since Hogwarts. Now, you have your life and I have mine.”
“And it wasn’t like that before?”
“Well, sort of... We used to hang around together all the time. And we spent practically a whole year living in the same place, seeing each other every day--”
“Do you miss that?”
“Of course I do, Harry.”
“Do you miss Ron?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“It’s a simple one.”
“Of course I miss him, Harry. Everyday.”
Ron. He got used to the idea that Ron loved Hermione and Hermione loved Ron. But they broke up and everything changed. They started to live their lives separately and they seemed fine that way. They remained friends, they dated other people and nothing ever changed again.
But then Ron died. Harry had never seen Hermione so miserable. She cried for weeks and he didn’t know what else to do. And then Krum appeared. He comforted her and when Harry realized, she was smiling again. He felt useless. He should have been the one to comfort her, but he never seemed to know what to say nor what to do.
What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?
“I’ve always wondered if he would have gotten jealous of Viktor and I,” she said, with a smile.
“Of course he would. He never stopped loving you.”
Her smile died. And she stared at him.
“Things didn’t work out between us, you know it. But we moved on. Both of us,” Harry noticed the emphasis she gave to her last sentence.
“Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”
“What’s wrong with you, Harry? I don’t love Ron anymore, not that way.”
“I wasn’t talking about you. I’m saying that he never forgot you, he never stopped loving you!”
“How do you know that?” She asked, angrily.
“How can someone ever stop loving you, Hermione?”
She stared at him again. His tone had given all away. She should have known by now.
“I think I should go...”
“Yes, you should.”
Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin'
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin'
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin'
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from me
And she left. Now she knew about his feelings, how couldn’t she? And she decided to let things that way. There weren’t options, really. Harry knew that, he always knew.
I die when he comes around to take you home
I'm too shy, I should have kissed you when we were alone
“It’s not even noon and you’re already drunk, Harry. Go home.”
“I’m not drunk, Dean.”
“Yes, you are. I already called you a taxi.”
“I think you should take care of your life.”
“This bar is my life and you almost got in trouble with two clients. I am taking care of my life.”
“You know, I think--”
“Hello, guys.”
“Hi Luna.”
“Dean, could you-- are you alright, Harry?”
“He’s drunk.”
“I’m not drunk!”
“It’s not even noon.”
“That’s what I told him.”
“Why are you drinking, Harry?”
“Why does anyone drink, Luna?”
“I don’t know.”
“Never mind.”
“Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“I don’t want to--”
“Man, go while you have a company. You won’t be able to get home alone.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
But he went. And Luna went with him.
“Life is so easy for you, isn’t it?” He asked, while she covered him with the sheet.
“Why do you say so?”
“You’re always living in your own world, with your own ideas... I wish I was more like you.”
Luna smiled, sadly. Harry didn’t know if she was really sad, but that’s what he saw in her eyes. Sadness.
“Someone broke you heart.”
He didn’t realize the words coming out of his mouth until he heard himself saying them. Luna merely stared at him. She leaned over him and kissed his forehead.
“Someone did,” she said and then she left.
What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?
He woke up hours later, with the doorbell ringing. It was night already. He opened the door and saw Hermione, looking rather nervous.
“What were you thinking?” She asked, entering his house. “Why did you suggest that you’re in love with me?”
“Because I am,” he said, before he could stop himself.
“Then why did you tell it now? I’m happy, Harry! Things are good, they’re right!”
“Why should they change then? Be happy, keep your things right, nothing has to change!”
“Of course it does! I wasn’t... It just... I wasn’t ready for that!”
“Ready for what?”
“For you! Having feelings for me!”
“I’ve always had feelings for you.”
“What?” She asked, in shock.
“Exactly, Hermione, I’ve always had feelings for you. I just took too much time to realize it.”
“Why didn’t you tell before?”
“Because you were in love with other people! First Ron and then Krum, there was always someone in your life who wasn’t me! I never had the chance--”
“Yes, you did! Ron and I only got together in our seventh year and--”
“And it was when I realized that I loved you, Hermione. But I couldn’t just ruin our friendship, much less ruin your relationship with Ron. You loved each other.”
She sighed, avoiding Harry’s eyes.
“You loved him, didn’t you?” He asked, unsure.
“What we had was... intense. And we had fun, but... I...”
“You didn’t love him.”
“Not like that.”
“You loved him as a friend. As you love me.”
“You’re different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know! But you were different, you were always different.”
“And why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Oh, let’s see. First, Cho, then Ginny and then Luna. How could I, Harry?”
“And now? There’s no one.”
“Yes, there is. My husband, Viktor. I can’t hurt him.”
“Then you should go home.”
She looked at him, surprised. With a sigh, she left.
Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?
I got years to wait...
But she came back that same night. Angry and confused, but she came back. And they kissed. They kissed as if their lives depended on that. But they needed more. He ripped her clothes off, kissing every inch of her body, feeling her taste in his mouth. He threw his own clothes away, uncontrollably wanting to be inside her. He saw in her eyes that she needed him inside her.
It started softly, but they soon lost control. It became frantic, desperate. It was the result of years of waiting. And it ended. She moaned loudly and he whispered her name in her ear, letting himself fall over her body. They remained like that for a few minutes and then she turned to her side. Harry didn’t turn to hug her, he practically didn’t move. He didn’t know what to feel nor what she was feeling. Maybe she thought that that had been the biggest mistake of her life. He didn’t want to look at her right now and see guilt in her eyes.
And then they slept. Together, but apart.
He woke up next morning with the sight of Hermione sleeping by his side, her hand on his. She looked beautiful. He caressed her face, admiring every single feature of her. He knew he could spend hours watching her sleep, unaware of the rest of the world.
She woke up and saw him watching her. She smiled, taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. And then, she immediately got up and dressed. Harry merely watched her.
“I don’t think we should see each other for a while.”
It was painful to hear that. But he didn’t show any sign of sadness and he didn’t try to convice her the contrary. She leaned over and gave him one last kiss. She took his hand again and looked into his eyes, for what it seemed to be an eternity.
And then she left.
She had made a choice and she chose Krum. To Harry, it didn’t really matter. He’s got years to wait around for her.
____________________________________
A/N 2: The story was clearly inspired by Damien Rice’s song Cheers darlin’ and it’s dedicated to Liv, the H/Hr shipper who dragged me into fandom (and to whom I’ll be forever thankful) and Frances, because she’s...well, she’s Frances :) Especial thanks to my beta, Liz.
Pairing: Harry/Hermione, with mentions of Harry/Luna
Rating: PG-13 with a tiny bit of something close to NC-17
Genre: Angst
Summary: He will wait.
A/N: If you’ve ever read anything written by me, this will probably seem weird. It’s a different style from what I’m used to write, practically no descriptions and reactions. Are you sure you want to read it? X) It’s my first H/Hr story (yes, you read it right!) though, and I’m quite proud of it. So please, be kind :)
[edited: I knew there was something missing. I added the lyrics of Cheers Darlin' to the story]
____________________________________
Cheers Darlin'
He couldn’t quite figure out his emotions that moment. It was painful to see her with him, to watch her smiling at him and kissing him as if he was the most important thing in her life.
Harry wondered why it had taken him so long to realise he loved her. Maybe it was because he'd thought that she was in love with Ron. Or maybe because he had never considered the possibility that she might loved him back. No, not her. She could never love him, not the way he wanted her to. She would give her life in order to save his, she would do anything for him, but she only loved him as a friend, just a friend. It was what he had always thought.
Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
“...and since he doesn’t have any close friends, well, not close enough to be his best man and he knows how much it would mean to me, I want you to be the best man, Harry. Do you want to?”
He remained silent. It was hard enough to accept that she was getting married, but now he would have to be a part of that? He would go to the ceremony, surely that was enough.
“Harry?”
“Yes, of course.”
She gave him a quick smile and hugged him. He enjoyed the few seconds of contact. While still hugging him, she asked him if he was positive. He nodded, unable to say anything. How could he refuse her?
The wedding came and Harry even managed to give a speech. He even managed to keep up a happy facade, just for her.
“When she said she was getting married, I...well, I got desperate. I thought that for the first time, someone would actually be able to take her away from me. The idea of not having Hermione in my life made me feel completely lost.”
She was staring at him, as was everyone else in the party. But there was something different in her eyes. A hint of sadness masked by her smile.
“After everything we went through, we’re still friends. She’s still here beside me. I couldn’t think of anyone better than Viktor to take care of her. I’m glad Hermione found someone that loves her as much as she deserves. Viktor was lucky to find her, but I’m sure he already knows how amazing she is. Today is a day to celebrate their union. To Hermione and Viktor!”
There was applause, smiles and tears, the speech was over. The party had come to a close. Harry didn’t get the chance to talk to her, to dance with her. He didn’t want to. It would only make it harder to accept this whole thing. No matter what he had said before, he knew he had lost her, completely.
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You gave me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away
Months passed and he still felt the same desolation that had come over him at the end of the wedding. Hermione called him nearly every week and they had gone out a few times. Each time she had told him how wonderful Viktor was and well their marriage was going. Each time Harry thought to himself that he couldn't bear to hear the name 'Viktor' one more time.
And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were runnin' in the rain
“What’s wrong, Hermione?”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s something wrong with your smile.”
“What?”
“Your smile. It’s the same smile you gave me at your wedding. When I was giving my speech.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my smile, Harry.”
“Then what’s wrong with you?”
“What makes you thing that there’s something wrong?”
“I know you.”
She stared at him, taken aback by his words.
“You knew me, Harry. I’m different.”
“Different how?”
“Just different. I’m not a girl anymore.”
“No, you’re not. You’re a woman now.”
“Yes, I am. And we changed since Hogwarts. Now, you have your life and I have mine.”
“And it wasn’t like that before?”
“Well, sort of... We used to hang around together all the time. And we spent practically a whole year living in the same place, seeing each other every day--”
“Do you miss that?”
“Of course I do, Harry.”
“Do you miss Ron?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“It’s a simple one.”
“Of course I miss him, Harry. Everyday.”
Ron. He got used to the idea that Ron loved Hermione and Hermione loved Ron. But they broke up and everything changed. They started to live their lives separately and they seemed fine that way. They remained friends, they dated other people and nothing ever changed again.
But then Ron died. Harry had never seen Hermione so miserable. She cried for weeks and he didn’t know what else to do. And then Krum appeared. He comforted her and when Harry realized, she was smiling again. He felt useless. He should have been the one to comfort her, but he never seemed to know what to say nor what to do.
What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?
“I’ve always wondered if he would have gotten jealous of Viktor and I,” she said, with a smile.
“Of course he would. He never stopped loving you.”
Her smile died. And she stared at him.
“Things didn’t work out between us, you know it. But we moved on. Both of us,” Harry noticed the emphasis she gave to her last sentence.
“Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”
“What’s wrong with you, Harry? I don’t love Ron anymore, not that way.”
“I wasn’t talking about you. I’m saying that he never forgot you, he never stopped loving you!”
“How do you know that?” She asked, angrily.
“How can someone ever stop loving you, Hermione?”
She stared at him again. His tone had given all away. She should have known by now.
“I think I should go...”
“Yes, you should.”
Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin'
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin'
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin'
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from me
And she left. Now she knew about his feelings, how couldn’t she? And she decided to let things that way. There weren’t options, really. Harry knew that, he always knew.
I die when he comes around to take you home
I'm too shy, I should have kissed you when we were alone
“It’s not even noon and you’re already drunk, Harry. Go home.”
“I’m not drunk, Dean.”
“Yes, you are. I already called you a taxi.”
“I think you should take care of your life.”
“This bar is my life and you almost got in trouble with two clients. I am taking care of my life.”
“You know, I think--”
“Hello, guys.”
“Hi Luna.”
“Dean, could you-- are you alright, Harry?”
“He’s drunk.”
“I’m not drunk!”
“It’s not even noon.”
“That’s what I told him.”
“Why are you drinking, Harry?”
“Why does anyone drink, Luna?”
“I don’t know.”
“Never mind.”
“Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“I don’t want to--”
“Man, go while you have a company. You won’t be able to get home alone.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
But he went. And Luna went with him.
“Life is so easy for you, isn’t it?” He asked, while she covered him with the sheet.
“Why do you say so?”
“You’re always living in your own world, with your own ideas... I wish I was more like you.”
Luna smiled, sadly. Harry didn’t know if she was really sad, but that’s what he saw in her eyes. Sadness.
“Someone broke you heart.”
He didn’t realize the words coming out of his mouth until he heard himself saying them. Luna merely stared at him. She leaned over him and kissed his forehead.
“Someone did,” she said and then she left.
What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?
He woke up hours later, with the doorbell ringing. It was night already. He opened the door and saw Hermione, looking rather nervous.
“What were you thinking?” She asked, entering his house. “Why did you suggest that you’re in love with me?”
“Because I am,” he said, before he could stop himself.
“Then why did you tell it now? I’m happy, Harry! Things are good, they’re right!”
“Why should they change then? Be happy, keep your things right, nothing has to change!”
“Of course it does! I wasn’t... It just... I wasn’t ready for that!”
“Ready for what?”
“For you! Having feelings for me!”
“I’ve always had feelings for you.”
“What?” She asked, in shock.
“Exactly, Hermione, I’ve always had feelings for you. I just took too much time to realize it.”
“Why didn’t you tell before?”
“Because you were in love with other people! First Ron and then Krum, there was always someone in your life who wasn’t me! I never had the chance--”
“Yes, you did! Ron and I only got together in our seventh year and--”
“And it was when I realized that I loved you, Hermione. But I couldn’t just ruin our friendship, much less ruin your relationship with Ron. You loved each other.”
She sighed, avoiding Harry’s eyes.
“You loved him, didn’t you?” He asked, unsure.
“What we had was... intense. And we had fun, but... I...”
“You didn’t love him.”
“Not like that.”
“You loved him as a friend. As you love me.”
“You’re different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know! But you were different, you were always different.”
“And why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Oh, let’s see. First, Cho, then Ginny and then Luna. How could I, Harry?”
“And now? There’s no one.”
“Yes, there is. My husband, Viktor. I can’t hurt him.”
“Then you should go home.”
She looked at him, surprised. With a sigh, she left.
Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?
I got years to wait...
But she came back that same night. Angry and confused, but she came back. And they kissed. They kissed as if their lives depended on that. But they needed more. He ripped her clothes off, kissing every inch of her body, feeling her taste in his mouth. He threw his own clothes away, uncontrollably wanting to be inside her. He saw in her eyes that she needed him inside her.
It started softly, but they soon lost control. It became frantic, desperate. It was the result of years of waiting. And it ended. She moaned loudly and he whispered her name in her ear, letting himself fall over her body. They remained like that for a few minutes and then she turned to her side. Harry didn’t turn to hug her, he practically didn’t move. He didn’t know what to feel nor what she was feeling. Maybe she thought that that had been the biggest mistake of her life. He didn’t want to look at her right now and see guilt in her eyes.
And then they slept. Together, but apart.
He woke up next morning with the sight of Hermione sleeping by his side, her hand on his. She looked beautiful. He caressed her face, admiring every single feature of her. He knew he could spend hours watching her sleep, unaware of the rest of the world.
She woke up and saw him watching her. She smiled, taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. And then, she immediately got up and dressed. Harry merely watched her.
“I don’t think we should see each other for a while.”
It was painful to hear that. But he didn’t show any sign of sadness and he didn’t try to convice her the contrary. She leaned over and gave him one last kiss. She took his hand again and looked into his eyes, for what it seemed to be an eternity.
And then she left.
She had made a choice and she chose Krum. To Harry, it didn’t really matter. He’s got years to wait around for her.
____________________________________
A/N 2: The story was clearly inspired by Damien Rice’s song Cheers darlin’ and it’s dedicated to Liv, the H/Hr shipper who dragged me into fandom (and to whom I’ll be forever thankful) and Frances, because she’s...well, she’s Frances :) Especial thanks to my beta, Liz.