(no subject)
Poor Livejournal, I keep forgetting you're here.
So Shaun and I broke up at the beginning of the month. I feel really bad about the whole situation. Basically I hadn't been happy for months. He just isn't the person for me. I didn't love him anymore, not the way that I should. I still think he's a great person and I care deeply for him, but not in the right way. I guess I realized this a long time ago, and I didn't really know what to do about it. I was scared of what would happen if I said something, I didn't want to hurt him, and we also live together, so that adds extra complications. So I just got more and more annoyed and less and less affectionate and caring toward him, which in turn made him completely unhappy as well, and it finally came to the point where we were both miserable. I actually feel awful for letting it get to that point.
So basically everything came to a breaking point and we talked and we both decided it was best to end things than to both be unhappy. He's staying here on the futon until he finds a place. I'm staying in the apartment, and I'm fairly worried about the financial aspect of that once he leaves. Its a little awkward with us both still here, although we're civil to each other. Especially since I know he's much more upset about things than i am, and I don't really know what to say or how to act toward him.
Really it hasn't changed a whole lot, He's still the same, sits on his computer and doesn't talk to me unless I speak to him, which is pretty much how things were before, which was a huge part of the problem. He's a horrible communicator, and is really in his own world a lot of the time. I've tried talking to him about it many times and warned him that I would be unhappy if he didn't try, and things stayed the same. So, while I feel bad, because I know he's pretty upset about the breakup, at the same time, he shouldn't be surprised. And I really can't blame him, because thats just who he is, but I couldn't live with it anymore.
So, thats that I guess. I'm actually doing fairly well with the whole thing, but I think the fact that he's still here is part of that. Once he leaves i'll probably be more emotional, but at the same time, I know this is better for both of us. And I'm enjoying having my bed to myself again.
School and work are still there, and I'm really happy that I have both of them, but they're both annoying the shit out of me. My school is the only program I could find that works with my schedule, but I'm finding that it pretty much sucks. I'm taking research methods, which I've already taken in my first degree, and this class is a freakin joke. Its like a small portion of what i've already learned, so wtf am I paying for it for? And the teacher is brand new, second class he's ever taught, he knows nothing, he doesn't do research, he doesn't know whats going on with the structure and whats on the exam, and etc. HE CAN'T EVEN SPELL RESTAURANT. UGH. And the syllabus isn't even written by the teacher, its written by someone at the main campus in Lansing, and there's a ton of mistakes in it, different due dates for the same project, it tells us to use APA style but then calls one of the projects a "bibliography", when that does f-ing exist in APA, its called a "reference page". Just stupid shit. Like, they're supposed to be teaching me and I have to constantly point stuff out that isn't right.
And work is just about as much of a joke. I don't even have the energy to go into that right now. But basically I feel like I'm surrounded by
stupid people that are supposed to be professionals. Its driving me nuts.
I'm also fat and half my clothes don't fit anymore, and I can't find any new clothes that I like or that don't look like shit. I need to get my ass in gear and lose some weight, but I like food. Its good. And beer. Thats good too.
So, blah. But life is good, and life goes on.
So Shaun and I broke up at the beginning of the month. I feel really bad about the whole situation. Basically I hadn't been happy for months. He just isn't the person for me. I didn't love him anymore, not the way that I should. I still think he's a great person and I care deeply for him, but not in the right way. I guess I realized this a long time ago, and I didn't really know what to do about it. I was scared of what would happen if I said something, I didn't want to hurt him, and we also live together, so that adds extra complications. So I just got more and more annoyed and less and less affectionate and caring toward him, which in turn made him completely unhappy as well, and it finally came to the point where we were both miserable. I actually feel awful for letting it get to that point.
So basically everything came to a breaking point and we talked and we both decided it was best to end things than to both be unhappy. He's staying here on the futon until he finds a place. I'm staying in the apartment, and I'm fairly worried about the financial aspect of that once he leaves. Its a little awkward with us both still here, although we're civil to each other. Especially since I know he's much more upset about things than i am, and I don't really know what to say or how to act toward him.
Really it hasn't changed a whole lot, He's still the same, sits on his computer and doesn't talk to me unless I speak to him, which is pretty much how things were before, which was a huge part of the problem. He's a horrible communicator, and is really in his own world a lot of the time. I've tried talking to him about it many times and warned him that I would be unhappy if he didn't try, and things stayed the same. So, while I feel bad, because I know he's pretty upset about the breakup, at the same time, he shouldn't be surprised. And I really can't blame him, because thats just who he is, but I couldn't live with it anymore.
So, thats that I guess. I'm actually doing fairly well with the whole thing, but I think the fact that he's still here is part of that. Once he leaves i'll probably be more emotional, but at the same time, I know this is better for both of us. And I'm enjoying having my bed to myself again.
School and work are still there, and I'm really happy that I have both of them, but they're both annoying the shit out of me. My school is the only program I could find that works with my schedule, but I'm finding that it pretty much sucks. I'm taking research methods, which I've already taken in my first degree, and this class is a freakin joke. Its like a small portion of what i've already learned, so wtf am I paying for it for? And the teacher is brand new, second class he's ever taught, he knows nothing, he doesn't do research, he doesn't know whats going on with the structure and whats on the exam, and etc. HE CAN'T EVEN SPELL RESTAURANT. UGH. And the syllabus isn't even written by the teacher, its written by someone at the main campus in Lansing, and there's a ton of mistakes in it, different due dates for the same project, it tells us to use APA style but then calls one of the projects a "bibliography", when that does f-ing exist in APA, its called a "reference page". Just stupid shit. Like, they're supposed to be teaching me and I have to constantly point stuff out that isn't right.
And work is just about as much of a joke. I don't even have the energy to go into that right now. But basically I feel like I'm surrounded by
stupid people that are supposed to be professionals. Its driving me nuts.
I'm also fat and half my clothes don't fit anymore, and I can't find any new clothes that I like or that don't look like shit. I need to get my ass in gear and lose some weight, but I like food. Its good. And beer. Thats good too.
So, blah. But life is good, and life goes on.