(no subject)
i miss my real dad so much, it makes he hate him. i want to see him, know him, actually touch him so bad, that i just want to kill him if i ever see him agian... i take after him so much.. i look like a female version of him, he made me look completely different from the rest of my family, being his spawn alone has out casted me in my own family... fuck, half of my fucking family, isnt really my family.
missing daddy jim, pisses me off... i want to punch things when i think about it.. im a real fucked up person. i never really visited him in the hospital, or made the effort to hang out with him when he was well... i took him for granted. i dont even know why he even tried to make me feel like his own daughter.. when i try to talk about him to other people, i feel like i should save my breath, its like no one wants to hear it or just brushes it off like its nothing because "hes not my real dad". i feel like i cant even talk about him to my own sister, because it feels like she has the right to feel sad and upset and i dont...
im just going to stop there... a bit of a vent.
i just want to dissapear for awhile to clear my mind or just start fresh.. thats never going to happen, im never going to change.
missing daddy jim, pisses me off... i want to punch things when i think about it.. im a real fucked up person. i never really visited him in the hospital, or made the effort to hang out with him when he was well... i took him for granted. i dont even know why he even tried to make me feel like his own daughter.. when i try to talk about him to other people, i feel like i should save my breath, its like no one wants to hear it or just brushes it off like its nothing because "hes not my real dad". i feel like i cant even talk about him to my own sister, because it feels like she has the right to feel sad and upset and i dont...
im just going to stop there... a bit of a vent.
i just want to dissapear for awhile to clear my mind or just start fresh.. thats never going to happen, im never going to change.