So... Heres Wolfie.... Chilln'
So. An update on my living situation.
Im moving out of christals house.... Im gonna live with Danni and his mom for a while.
I brought over all of my magick stuff today, I didn't really want to leave all of it sitting in that negitive energy.
Im hopefully gonna get a job here soon and after that gets all straightend out I'll start school again.
As far as my love life is going:
So a little while ago I was introduced to this guy Doug by my friend Ryan.
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I've liked him since I meet him.
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Any whom, I figured something out
(don't worry... This will tie in with the above statement a little later)
I've gone through 3 boy friends since september (half way through september I meet Doug). The third of wich Im still with, and still really like alot but the realtionship is purely skin. Its cmpleatly based off of sex, the entire time I'm with Brandon (my current boyfriend) Im high or drunk first of all and second It just feels like were living a sex fantasy when ever we are together. The other thing is that I don't have a cell phone.... Neaiter does he, so we never talk unless were together (wich is really hard to work out).
Anyways.
I figured out that all Ive been doing is avoiding talking to Doug about how I feel, because that would mean being vounerable and putting myself out there with a fair chance of getting hurt. And we all know how I feel about being vounerable.
Last night Ryan, Doug, Danni, and I went over to Ryans house to play Halo 3. While we were over there I was messing around on the computer and somehow ended up on my allpoetry.com site. Doug read the "?" poem in wich the last stanza says:
"No one will find me
No one will care
No one will want to
Not even for a dare."
Then proceded to ask every one in the room if they would care if I O.D.-ed and died. Of course every one answered yes. And he made it a point to make it very clear that he would care if I died.
Later that night (while I was still denying that I like him) I sent him a message on myspace:
"..Im sorry if im comming off a little strong with what Im about to say but I don't know any other way of puting it.
Why do you care about me so much??? I really don't understand.
Im just a druged-up High School blow-out.
You have alot more important shit to worry about then me.
Im already to deep into this self-distructive-down-wards-spiral of a life to be helped.
Really...... Im not worth your time."
He still hasnt replied.
This morning Is when I came to terms with the fact that I really do like Doug. So I sent him another message on myspace:
"I really want to talk to you about some things.... But I would prefer to talk to you about it in person.
Ive been really confused about somethings but I think Im finnaly coming to terms with them. Im tierd of playing games with myself and I really need to talk with you in order to settle this little fight that Ive been having with myself."
So Tommorrow Ryan Is going to come over and get me and we are going to go over to Doug's house and pick him up..... Hopefully I'll be able to push the balls out of my stomach, grow a fucking spine ((like I tell everyone else to do)) and talk to him. Im going to tell him to check his myspace before I talk to him though.
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So Ryan Danni and Danni's kinda sorta girl friend are driving from here (bellveue [sp?]) down to Rainer AVE on saturday night at 2:00 in the morning A.K.A. Bar Hour for a connect. RE FUCKING COCK U LOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously think that some one is retarded. that or compleatly out of their head.
Any ways Im going to go to sleep now so that I can stop thinking about this knot in my chest and to make the time till tommorrow go by a lot faster.
Im moving out of christals house.... Im gonna live with Danni and his mom for a while.
I brought over all of my magick stuff today, I didn't really want to leave all of it sitting in that negitive energy.
Im hopefully gonna get a job here soon and after that gets all straightend out I'll start school again.
As far as my love life is going:
So a little while ago I was introduced to this guy Doug by my friend Ryan.
<>
I've liked him since I meet him.
<>
Any whom, I figured something out
(don't worry... This will tie in with the above statement a little later)
I've gone through 3 boy friends since september (half way through september I meet Doug). The third of wich Im still with, and still really like alot but the realtionship is purely skin. Its cmpleatly based off of sex, the entire time I'm with Brandon (my current boyfriend) Im high or drunk first of all and second It just feels like were living a sex fantasy when ever we are together. The other thing is that I don't have a cell phone.... Neaiter does he, so we never talk unless were together (wich is really hard to work out).
Anyways.
I figured out that all Ive been doing is avoiding talking to Doug about how I feel, because that would mean being vounerable and putting myself out there with a fair chance of getting hurt. And we all know how I feel about being vounerable.
Last night Ryan, Doug, Danni, and I went over to Ryans house to play Halo 3. While we were over there I was messing around on the computer and somehow ended up on my allpoetry.com site. Doug read the "?" poem in wich the last stanza says:
"No one will find me
No one will care
No one will want to
Not even for a dare."
Then proceded to ask every one in the room if they would care if I O.D.-ed and died. Of course every one answered yes. And he made it a point to make it very clear that he would care if I died.
Later that night (while I was still denying that I like him) I sent him a message on myspace:
"..Im sorry if im comming off a little strong with what Im about to say but I don't know any other way of puting it.
Why do you care about me so much??? I really don't understand.
Im just a druged-up High School blow-out.
You have alot more important shit to worry about then me.
Im already to deep into this self-distructive-down-wards-spiral of a life to be helped.
Really...... Im not worth your time."
He still hasnt replied.
This morning Is when I came to terms with the fact that I really do like Doug. So I sent him another message on myspace:
"I really want to talk to you about some things.... But I would prefer to talk to you about it in person.
Ive been really confused about somethings but I think Im finnaly coming to terms with them. Im tierd of playing games with myself and I really need to talk with you in order to settle this little fight that Ive been having with myself."
So Tommorrow Ryan Is going to come over and get me and we are going to go over to Doug's house and pick him up..... Hopefully I'll be able to push the balls out of my stomach, grow a fucking spine ((like I tell everyone else to do)) and talk to him. Im going to tell him to check his myspace before I talk to him though.
<>
So Ryan Danni and Danni's kinda sorta girl friend are driving from here (bellveue [sp?]) down to Rainer AVE on saturday night at 2:00 in the morning A.K.A. Bar Hour for a connect. RE FUCKING COCK U LOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously think that some one is retarded. that or compleatly out of their head.
Any ways Im going to go to sleep now so that I can stop thinking about this knot in my chest and to make the time till tommorrow go by a lot faster.