I wonder..
You know, sometimes I really wonder who I would be if I had stayed at Sebring High. I mean, I know I didn't choose to leave.. but still. I wonder how much more I would have accomplished and what things I would have been involved in that I never got the chance to be apart of. I wonder who all I would've ended up being friends with and what kind of relationships I would have.. or not have. Maybe I would've been done something great.. but I guess I'll never know. And maybe that's the hardest part about not getting to go to homecoming tonight. I didn't think I cared so much until I went to Chilis tonight and saw all of these people that I went to school with all dressed up for a high school event that I would have been apart of if I was still at SHS. I don't think it's so much about homecoming though.. not completely.. I think it's more about what it stands for. And it stands for everything that I've missed out on... and it stands for everything that I have now that I guess I'm not satisfied with. I don't have the accomplishments and experiences that everyone else my age has.. and I don't have the normal relationships/friendships that they all have. I may have graduated.. but it's not the same. I may have had a few boyfriends.. but for the most part.. I know nothing but long drawn out complicated serious relationships. None of that care-free, make out in the grass and look up at the stars type stuff. I have grown up way too fast.. I guess... and missed out on so much. But.. I know that high school isn't forever.. and once it's over it's over.. and you go on and live your life and you look back and realize how insignificant everything that seemed so monumental really is. Everything .. like stupid teenage dances.. seem so important right now.. but I know I'll get over it.
My boyfriend really wasn't sympathetic that I was upset tonight. I'm pretty sure all he was thinking about was how happy he was that I didn't get to go.. because someone might want to dance with me.. and that would be terribly tragic. But.. if I had been invited and he hadn't wanted me to go.. and he had said "I've got something special planned just for the two of us tonight." .. I wouldn't have gone. But that's not how he would've handled it. He would've pretended that it was ok.. and been annoyed. And he didn't plan something for tonight out of the ordinary.. you know.. since it was obviously so important to me.. to get my mind off of it. No. He wouldn't even watch the movies that he might not like a little bit with Danielle and I.
I'm so annoyed. I have to get up at 8AM and I have to work at 3PM. Tomorrow is going to be long.. and I'm already depressed about it. I'm even still depressed and worried about what AJ.. aka Asshole from hell .. might say to Ryan if he gets the chance. I want out of this box that is called Sebring.. before I kill myself.
GOODNIGHT ♥