Hello out there
So, I have my surgery tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. (so they say. It'll probably be more like 10:00 or 10:30) and I'm stressed out and freaking out and pretty much just all around out. This thing they're doing to me is where they pass high frequency sound waves through my body to "pulverize" the kidney stone, which I'm supposed to pass through my urine. The idea of which makes me cringe. But also, these sound waves and this non-intrusive surgery is going to cause bruising on my sides and back and cause me to piss blood. A fact I'm told in the paper detailing all of this that is supposed to merely cause me some minor discomfort. You know what? Those people are liars because anything that causes that kind of bruising and makes you pee blood is not something that doesn't hurt a fuck of a lot. I better be getting more pain killers, that's all I have to say about that.
Also, I think I have decided that anesthesia is more like I imagine dying is like rather than abduction by aliens. Granted, I have never been abducted by aliens and, because I don't believe in reincarnation, I doubt I've died before, but alien abductees come back from the experience with all kinds of feelings and fears and psychosis and memories, and anesthesia is just like you go away and you're just not there. Which doesn't hurt I guess because there's nothing there, not even time, then you wake up and two hours have passed and you're really confused and all you can say is, "I have to pee," and the nurses are telling you no, you really don't, you just think you do. Which is more like dying I think. Which scares the fuck out of me.
Randomly, but does anyone else hate what the LJ monkeys are doing with shit this past year? The profile thing is absolute bullshit. It fucked up my little bio thing a lot and one day when I have the time and patience for it, I will try to fix it. The friends page thing is also bullshit and here's hoping they don't take the choice away from us on that one because I don't like it and I probably wouldn't read much of anything from anybody after that if they did. Also, not liking the comments thing. It's difficult and annoying and if you write things using comments anywhere, the threads, they do wander like whoa. Anyway, to sum up: It sucks. Please stop fucking with shit that already works fine.
Saw two boys in Walmart today holding hands as they walked down the aisle in the grocery section. Only even noticed them because I got a weird feeling, you know how you do when people are having really strong feelings like right next to you and it's not like mind reading or anything, but you still look around to see wtf is up? Yeah, it was like that. They couldn't have been more than 18 years old. So I imagine they were having some strong anxious feelings, which is understandable. I currently live in Montana, which still (though soon to be changed) has homosexuality illegal by law. I mentioned it to my gran later and said I thought it was cute. She laughed at me like she thought I was joking, which I was not. But since I have to live with her, I didn't say anything to her about it. Besides, it was over dinner and she's old and acceptance is difficult for that generation of people it seems. Which is sad. Anyway, I would just like to say, I think it was incredibly brave of them. It makes me sad that they still have to be that brave just to walk down an aisle in a store holding hands. I think maybe one day, when that older generation have passed away, it won't require that kind of courage. That would be nice. I imagine it gets exhausting sometimes.
I have Barrel Fever by David Sedaris to read while I wait naked on my hospital bed for the aliens to probe me. It's one of the few books by him that I didn't already have and I've already finished the first story, Parade, in which he talks about his failed relationships with Bruce Springsteen, Charlton Heston, and Mike Tyson. Great sentence for you: "We rode round and round the block on our pony, who groaned beneath the collective weight of our rich and overwhelming capacity for love and understanding." Sarcastic little bastard. Love him.
Oh, and Doctor Who this season? SUCKS. There, I said it. It has nothing to do with the new companion girl, in case anyone is wondering. I think she's cute as shit. Episode 1 with the downloading of minds thing was pretty interesting and exiting and I liked it a lot. After that? Bullshit. Episode 2, new companion girl saves the day by stopping the sacrifice of a little girl. Which is all well and good except she blew up the fucking sun and all the people living on the neighboring planets would die. So, good job. Of course, this issue was never addressed as it would have been in previous seasons of the show. I'm not asking for a whole fucking lot from Doctor Who, okay? It's Doctor Who. But at least explain yourself even if it makes no sense. Don't drop the ball. Episode 3? Was BORING. Completely and utterly boring. I hated it. God, I really hope the whole fucking thing isn't going down the toilet at this point.
Anyway, surgery tomorrow. Which might mean a disturbing near-death experience, but I'm told will save my life. Which I guess is like compromise.
Also, I think I have decided that anesthesia is more like I imagine dying is like rather than abduction by aliens. Granted, I have never been abducted by aliens and, because I don't believe in reincarnation, I doubt I've died before, but alien abductees come back from the experience with all kinds of feelings and fears and psychosis and memories, and anesthesia is just like you go away and you're just not there. Which doesn't hurt I guess because there's nothing there, not even time, then you wake up and two hours have passed and you're really confused and all you can say is, "I have to pee," and the nurses are telling you no, you really don't, you just think you do. Which is more like dying I think. Which scares the fuck out of me.
Randomly, but does anyone else hate what the LJ monkeys are doing with shit this past year? The profile thing is absolute bullshit. It fucked up my little bio thing a lot and one day when I have the time and patience for it, I will try to fix it. The friends page thing is also bullshit and here's hoping they don't take the choice away from us on that one because I don't like it and I probably wouldn't read much of anything from anybody after that if they did. Also, not liking the comments thing. It's difficult and annoying and if you write things using comments anywhere, the threads, they do wander like whoa. Anyway, to sum up: It sucks. Please stop fucking with shit that already works fine.
Saw two boys in Walmart today holding hands as they walked down the aisle in the grocery section. Only even noticed them because I got a weird feeling, you know how you do when people are having really strong feelings like right next to you and it's not like mind reading or anything, but you still look around to see wtf is up? Yeah, it was like that. They couldn't have been more than 18 years old. So I imagine they were having some strong anxious feelings, which is understandable. I currently live in Montana, which still (though soon to be changed) has homosexuality illegal by law. I mentioned it to my gran later and said I thought it was cute. She laughed at me like she thought I was joking, which I was not. But since I have to live with her, I didn't say anything to her about it. Besides, it was over dinner and she's old and acceptance is difficult for that generation of people it seems. Which is sad. Anyway, I would just like to say, I think it was incredibly brave of them. It makes me sad that they still have to be that brave just to walk down an aisle in a store holding hands. I think maybe one day, when that older generation have passed away, it won't require that kind of courage. That would be nice. I imagine it gets exhausting sometimes.
I have Barrel Fever by David Sedaris to read while I wait naked on my hospital bed for the aliens to probe me. It's one of the few books by him that I didn't already have and I've already finished the first story, Parade, in which he talks about his failed relationships with Bruce Springsteen, Charlton Heston, and Mike Tyson. Great sentence for you: "We rode round and round the block on our pony, who groaned beneath the collective weight of our rich and overwhelming capacity for love and understanding." Sarcastic little bastard. Love him.
Oh, and Doctor Who this season? SUCKS. There, I said it. It has nothing to do with the new companion girl, in case anyone is wondering. I think she's cute as shit. Episode 1 with the downloading of minds thing was pretty interesting and exiting and I liked it a lot. After that? Bullshit. Episode 2, new companion girl saves the day by stopping the sacrifice of a little girl. Which is all well and good except she blew up the fucking sun and all the people living on the neighboring planets would die. So, good job. Of course, this issue was never addressed as it would have been in previous seasons of the show. I'm not asking for a whole fucking lot from Doctor Who, okay? It's Doctor Who. But at least explain yourself even if it makes no sense. Don't drop the ball. Episode 3? Was BORING. Completely and utterly boring. I hated it. God, I really hope the whole fucking thing isn't going down the toilet at this point.
Anyway, surgery tomorrow. Which might mean a disturbing near-death experience, but I'm told will save my life. Which I guess is like compromise.