(no subject)

[lust_for_life2]

I'm not going to say hello.

I'm not going to say I love you.

I'm not going to even think about clicking that IM button, picking up the phone to call him, or sending a message.

I'm not going to let it all spill out, not after all these months of keeping it inside. Because it isn't true love, its just attraction. And it isn't worth all the pain of admiting it. It isn't worth anything to me.

He's not worth anything to me. I don't even know WHY I love him. HIM OF ALL PEOPLE. He treats me like dirt, he seemingly depsises me, he uses me for sex and his sick games. When its good its good and when its bad its AWFUL. I hate how he makes me feel on so many levels.

I hate him on so many levels.

And I only love him on one.

Mathematically it doesn't work.

In reality it doesn't work.

But emotionally it feels so fucking right.

I'm not going to say hello.

I'm not going to say hello.

I'm not going to make the first move.

I'm not going to let any of this escape my lips.