(no subject)
It's crappy because now that she's gone I realised how un-crappy life was in Belgium. Sure, there were the daily life problems etc...it wasn't perfect, of course, but I felt so much better and sort of "loved" over there. Maybe I still need to get used to the people over here and all that, but it's frustrating because since the people in Belgium are not like the people in Spain, I can't exactly do some stuff I would do in Belgium. Because either they wouldn't find it funny, either they'd think I'm stupid, either they wouldn't get it etc...It's just different minds you know? And I'm confused because I don't mind both but I don't like to talk about this like...well...this! Because it's not a sort of option that you do. But I feel very confused because I have no idea if I have either stopped being the way I was in Belgium subconciously(sp?), knowing of course that people CHANGE with time, but I mean REALLY, you know? And if I have changed, am I more the way I was in Belgium? Or the way I am now? I like to think a little bit of both but then again, when she came, it was like being in Belgium again, but I realise that there's stuff that's changed about me...So does it mean I'm sort of a mixture of both? And if I am why can't I be both here??? Or am I actually being both without realising it?? And why am I thinking stuff like this, it should be natural. But I'm just really confused. I'm not really happy in my school actually. Because some people get on my nerves and it's frustrating because I have no idea how the hell I acted this year, but I know I've changed now. And I don't want people to know me like THAT person. AAAAAARGH! Help me. Now.
And on another note. I have no idea how I feel about this person. Called Adriana. It's like she really pisses me off and I hate her. And then I don't mind her. Only people who have read my past entries will know what I'm talking about. Anyway I'm a bit worried because she pisses me off and stuff like that...but then I don't really mind her. Remember Fer? yeah, well, a very trustworthy person told me that she tried to kiss him at her pool. And she doesn't know that I know. But it amuses me greatly. Because she was always the one telling me that I would hook up with Guillermo(her ex) because we got on so well, and she kept insisting that she felt nothing for Fer. Ha-ho. But anyway, that's the thing. I don't really care about Fer anymore. But it still somehow strangely annoys me, and she does even more. And Fer does too. And the problem is I don't want to be a hypocrite. But I'm not even sure if I like her or not. Because she hasn't exactly done anything to me has she? She's been quite nice to me lately. So I find no reason to hate her. Which is why I feel like a hypocrite. Because at times I do, for some reason. Hate her. I mean. And I wish I wouldn't.
SO.......FUCKING....CONFUSED!
And on another note. I have no idea how I feel about this person. Called Adriana. It's like she really pisses me off and I hate her. And then I don't mind her. Only people who have read my past entries will know what I'm talking about. Anyway I'm a bit worried because she pisses me off and stuff like that...but then I don't really mind her. Remember Fer? yeah, well, a very trustworthy person told me that she tried to kiss him at her pool. And she doesn't know that I know. But it amuses me greatly. Because she was always the one telling me that I would hook up with Guillermo(her ex) because we got on so well, and she kept insisting that she felt nothing for Fer. Ha-ho. But anyway, that's the thing. I don't really care about Fer anymore. But it still somehow strangely annoys me, and she does even more. And Fer does too. And the problem is I don't want to be a hypocrite. But I'm not even sure if I like her or not. Because she hasn't exactly done anything to me has she? She's been quite nice to me lately. So I find no reason to hate her. Which is why I feel like a hypocrite. Because at times I do, for some reason. Hate her. I mean. And I wish I wouldn't.
SO.......FUCKING....CONFUSED!