crash..
once again, my world slips and crashes again. how many times do i need to scream and cry until someone hears me? god, i can be in a crowded room of people and still feel alone. and then i feel bad when i'm upset, like i'm droning other people with my guilt and my problems. I live with so much guilt. So much shame. So much pain. I can't fool myself, maybe others but not myself. I feel like there is this part of me that brings others with me in my guilt. I dont like it one bit. My guilt..is like my disease. Its something I can never ever cure. The lack of knowledge feeds off from this disease it empowers it. I dont like it. It's really hard to explain it all in here. But all that matters is, I know what I'm talking about. All I know, like a disease, I will have to learn to live with it. And at times, I am ok with it. But nights like this, where everything slips and falls, I just breakdown. I can't even begin to explain what happens in nights like this. Usually it calls for drastic measures. But beyond all the harsh thots I was presenting in my head...I had the thots of my friends with me. The day I die, I will smile. Smile because I will know that someone granted me this life. Maybe not the best life out there. But a life that AT LEAST had its moments of bliss. Moments. Not completeness. Just moments. Those moments are all one can really ask for...