Unamusing Park
i did something amazing today.
I wrote for the first time in 8 months. i started writing my book, titled at the moment, Unamusing Park. It's meant to be a collection of essay/stories about working in atheme park and how much it sucks. pretty much a memior of my last 4 summers and it's going to be amazing! work is now fun, because it's research. :]
So this is the introduction to my book. i'd love for you to read it and tell me what you think. this is semi autobiographical.
UnAmusing Park
Life Underwater
You get in line, you grab a form, and you wait. At the end of the waiting you talk to an overly bubbley, overly blonde woman named Jennifer. Jennifer thinks everything you say is hysterical. This will be the crux of your existence for the next 5 years. You are hysterical, laughable, a regular comedian, but you are rarely trying to be funny. Jennifer is going to learn your name. Every time you see her in the lounge during breaks she will inevitably wave to you across the room and shout "HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?" to which you will reply, "I'm ok." (which you're not) and she will laugh.
You abhor smiling on command, but if you don't you will eventually be fired. So you have become a smiling idiot. "Hi, how are you doing today? *smilesmile*." You're only reward for this is money, and that's good, because you like and/or need money. Money can afford you booze, which you will eventually consume in very large portions on a fairly regular basis with 2 or 3 others like yourself, in a car parked in an alley behind a club and blasting Hilary Duff. This is what Drunk People (TM) DO.
Your life will suddenly revolve around summer, not unlike the way it did when you were in elementary school. Only now, instead of loving it, you will hate it. You will hate it with the passion of a Muslim on a Jihad against the infidels of America with the promise of 80 virgins on the afterlife. Not only that but you will slowly begin to sympathize with those who hate America. We are a country founded on the idea that the customer is always right, even when the customer is a conniving little douche bag sent by Satan to kill your spirit and eat your heart.
You will no longer have friends, only 'co-workers' whom you become inexplicable close acquaintances with until they get out. So it's kind of like prison with worse clothing.
You're potato sack uniform, which strikes fear into your fashion sense (assuming you have one) will allow you to look like every other slave. Unless you are unarguably attractive (which you aren't, by the way) you will look like a washed out, hung-over, college dropout (which you also are, but you don't need to spell it out quite so obviously). The only advantage to this is when you inevitably go to a birthday party outside of work the cute guy that works next door will see your cleavage and he will half-heartedly flirt with you at the party. The bad news is you will see him inside of work later, and he will be an asshole. The even worse news is he is 19 and you are 22 and he will never date you. That's okay because his co-worker is 21 and way cute too.
The rub is, when you painstakingly went to that jobfair and let Jennifer talk you into working here, you had no idea of any of this bullshit. When you go to orientation and eat pizza and outdated soda and watch beer commercials, you will not know the meaning of the word 'hate'. You are just an 18 year old kid with no life who couldn't get hired at VONS. You are a fresh out of high school ingénue that has no idea you just signed you life away to working every holiday imaginable, getting shit on my seagulls and management alike, and the phrase, 'Have a good day.' I both pity and envy you.
Hello, I'd like to welcome you to your future.
I wrote for the first time in 8 months. i started writing my book, titled at the moment, Unamusing Park. It's meant to be a collection of essay/stories about working in atheme park and how much it sucks. pretty much a memior of my last 4 summers and it's going to be amazing! work is now fun, because it's research. :]
So this is the introduction to my book. i'd love for you to read it and tell me what you think. this is semi autobiographical.
UnAmusing Park
Life Underwater
You get in line, you grab a form, and you wait. At the end of the waiting you talk to an overly bubbley, overly blonde woman named Jennifer. Jennifer thinks everything you say is hysterical. This will be the crux of your existence for the next 5 years. You are hysterical, laughable, a regular comedian, but you are rarely trying to be funny. Jennifer is going to learn your name. Every time you see her in the lounge during breaks she will inevitably wave to you across the room and shout "HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?" to which you will reply, "I'm ok." (which you're not) and she will laugh.
You abhor smiling on command, but if you don't you will eventually be fired. So you have become a smiling idiot. "Hi, how are you doing today? *smilesmile*." You're only reward for this is money, and that's good, because you like and/or need money. Money can afford you booze, which you will eventually consume in very large portions on a fairly regular basis with 2 or 3 others like yourself, in a car parked in an alley behind a club and blasting Hilary Duff. This is what Drunk People (TM) DO.
Your life will suddenly revolve around summer, not unlike the way it did when you were in elementary school. Only now, instead of loving it, you will hate it. You will hate it with the passion of a Muslim on a Jihad against the infidels of America with the promise of 80 virgins on the afterlife. Not only that but you will slowly begin to sympathize with those who hate America. We are a country founded on the idea that the customer is always right, even when the customer is a conniving little douche bag sent by Satan to kill your spirit and eat your heart.
You will no longer have friends, only 'co-workers' whom you become inexplicable close acquaintances with until they get out. So it's kind of like prison with worse clothing.
You're potato sack uniform, which strikes fear into your fashion sense (assuming you have one) will allow you to look like every other slave. Unless you are unarguably attractive (which you aren't, by the way) you will look like a washed out, hung-over, college dropout (which you also are, but you don't need to spell it out quite so obviously). The only advantage to this is when you inevitably go to a birthday party outside of work the cute guy that works next door will see your cleavage and he will half-heartedly flirt with you at the party. The bad news is you will see him inside of work later, and he will be an asshole. The even worse news is he is 19 and you are 22 and he will never date you. That's okay because his co-worker is 21 and way cute too.
The rub is, when you painstakingly went to that jobfair and let Jennifer talk you into working here, you had no idea of any of this bullshit. When you go to orientation and eat pizza and outdated soda and watch beer commercials, you will not know the meaning of the word 'hate'. You are just an 18 year old kid with no life who couldn't get hired at VONS. You are a fresh out of high school ingénue that has no idea you just signed you life away to working every holiday imaginable, getting shit on my seagulls and management alike, and the phrase, 'Have a good day.' I both pity and envy you.
Hello, I'd like to welcome you to your future.