(no subject)
19 years I waited. 19 years I waited to finally have my first boyfriend. And I finally got him, and it was so much more than I was prepared for.
I've made him my whole life. He's all I think about all the time. I let him consume me.
I wish I could just go about my day. I wish I didn't care. I wish I didn't feel alone every second he wasn't with me. I wish we could break up and I wouldn't give a fuck.
But I know it would destroy me. And I'm fucking terrified.
I can't handle the distance. I don't think I can even handle being in a relationship. I'm crazy and emotional and I can't control it. So I try to control everything around me. And it's ruining me.
I've made him my whole life. He's all I think about all the time. I let him consume me.
I wish I could just go about my day. I wish I didn't care. I wish I didn't feel alone every second he wasn't with me. I wish we could break up and I wouldn't give a fuck.
But I know it would destroy me. And I'm fucking terrified.
I can't handle the distance. I don't think I can even handle being in a relationship. I'm crazy and emotional and I can't control it. So I try to control everything around me. And it's ruining me.