jealousy? or opportunity to look within
if i don't get this out, it will poison my being.
why do i care if he saw her yesterday? after everything that i told him about her and the way things transpired between us and while i have moved on from that phase in my life, i wish we could keep everything separate or maybe it's just him. cause even though he says she's dating someone, i still feel like she could come between us and that's one part of my life that i don't want her to be part of, in the professional NOR the personal aspect. in fact, i don't want her to know anything about my private business or my life casue she's not part of it anymore. maybe that's why there is still suffering, cause i feel separate from her, she brings up that feeling of being disconnected, but the reality is that you can't keep everyone in your life and you can forgive but things can never be the same once you have seen the truth about someone.
in regards to him, there's no worries, cause he's being completely open and honest with me, as much as one can be when there are feelings involved and hes already said that it's just scary for him to be exposing himself as it is for me. and he called me last night and wanted to see how i was doing, and that phone call meant a lot, cause i could feel the anxiety creeping in when i hadn't heard from him all day after what happened the night before...i am keeping in the present about it all cause inside i feel like he isn't the one, yet there is much to be learned from being close to him. i can hear the difference in his voice when he talks to me, and i feel the need to have some control by ending the conversation before he may want, maybe it's my way of making sure there's distance there, so i won't get too attached or maybe leaving him wanting more but since we haven't defined what we are, this is all about being in the moment and seeing what comes from being there.
why do i care if he saw her yesterday? after everything that i told him about her and the way things transpired between us and while i have moved on from that phase in my life, i wish we could keep everything separate or maybe it's just him. cause even though he says she's dating someone, i still feel like she could come between us and that's one part of my life that i don't want her to be part of, in the professional NOR the personal aspect. in fact, i don't want her to know anything about my private business or my life casue she's not part of it anymore. maybe that's why there is still suffering, cause i feel separate from her, she brings up that feeling of being disconnected, but the reality is that you can't keep everyone in your life and you can forgive but things can never be the same once you have seen the truth about someone.
in regards to him, there's no worries, cause he's being completely open and honest with me, as much as one can be when there are feelings involved and hes already said that it's just scary for him to be exposing himself as it is for me. and he called me last night and wanted to see how i was doing, and that phone call meant a lot, cause i could feel the anxiety creeping in when i hadn't heard from him all day after what happened the night before...i am keeping in the present about it all cause inside i feel like he isn't the one, yet there is much to be learned from being close to him. i can hear the difference in his voice when he talks to me, and i feel the need to have some control by ending the conversation before he may want, maybe it's my way of making sure there's distance there, so i won't get too attached or maybe leaving him wanting more but since we haven't defined what we are, this is all about being in the moment and seeing what comes from being there.