disappointed
Today I woke up sad and low. "They" call this a women's emotional well. Where all the down emotions come crashing - and we work through it by sadness, anger or tears to wash it out and be a better person for tomorrow. I am disappointed at my company's lame xmas party, how little I socialize with people, some of my friends and at times the boy.
Boy keeps himself too busy that I hardly get to see him and well frankly, that sucks. He is going out with his buddy tonight because his buddy needs some cheering up but heck so do I. He promised me tomorrow - but if his fever gets worse because of hangging out with his buddy - I won't be impressed.
I talked to my new manager, she is a really cool, smart lady. She reminded me how we can't get it all in life. I find myself as I am aging really feeling the fact how little I do know, as much as I use to think I knew it all, that there were answers and formulas to everything - but I am learning there isn't. The more you know the less you realize you do know. I missed out when I was younger, missed on branching out my life and trying new experiences, and letting fear get in the way.
It sucks when you invest so much time and care in people and then they disappoint you. But it is ok, because you realize no one is perfect, and you learn to forgive people's mistake. For the most part, people are good people. Forgiveness and acceptance and tolerance is key, and I always thought I gave that to people but I guess not since I am not getting it in return. I asked for forgiveness, I screwed up and said sorry but it is not enough. As my manager said - friendships and love shouldn't come with terms and conditions. But we people tend to make things worse than they are. Change happens all the time, people move on, grow apart, and become different people, it has been my life story. Where will I move on to next, what will be my next chapter, what makes me happy today will be different from what makes me happy tomorrow.
My sister told me today how her girls are making me a card, and they are competing with each other on who will make the best card for me, and which one would I love better. Apparently they talk about me all the time. I miss them so much, I use to be so close to Ann but she moved away. As did others.
Friends, family, and loves - nothing is for certain, you can only rely on yourself.
Xmas is here, find joy in the small things and hope for the best.
I hope I am not disappointed this season, I would be greatly offended to get a gift in the mail from my friends. If they don't want to be my friend, then don't insult me with a gift. I want gifts from people who want to be in my life.
Oh boy - drama, headaches, I feel too old sometimes to deal with it.
May 2007 be filled with the right opportunities, joys and change necessary to make my life a better one. If I am going to age, I better age with grace. Hehe. ;)
~B
Boy keeps himself too busy that I hardly get to see him and well frankly, that sucks. He is going out with his buddy tonight because his buddy needs some cheering up but heck so do I. He promised me tomorrow - but if his fever gets worse because of hangging out with his buddy - I won't be impressed.
I talked to my new manager, she is a really cool, smart lady. She reminded me how we can't get it all in life. I find myself as I am aging really feeling the fact how little I do know, as much as I use to think I knew it all, that there were answers and formulas to everything - but I am learning there isn't. The more you know the less you realize you do know. I missed out when I was younger, missed on branching out my life and trying new experiences, and letting fear get in the way.
It sucks when you invest so much time and care in people and then they disappoint you. But it is ok, because you realize no one is perfect, and you learn to forgive people's mistake. For the most part, people are good people. Forgiveness and acceptance and tolerance is key, and I always thought I gave that to people but I guess not since I am not getting it in return. I asked for forgiveness, I screwed up and said sorry but it is not enough. As my manager said - friendships and love shouldn't come with terms and conditions. But we people tend to make things worse than they are. Change happens all the time, people move on, grow apart, and become different people, it has been my life story. Where will I move on to next, what will be my next chapter, what makes me happy today will be different from what makes me happy tomorrow.
My sister told me today how her girls are making me a card, and they are competing with each other on who will make the best card for me, and which one would I love better. Apparently they talk about me all the time. I miss them so much, I use to be so close to Ann but she moved away. As did others.
Friends, family, and loves - nothing is for certain, you can only rely on yourself.
Xmas is here, find joy in the small things and hope for the best.
I hope I am not disappointed this season, I would be greatly offended to get a gift in the mail from my friends. If they don't want to be my friend, then don't insult me with a gift. I want gifts from people who want to be in my life.
Oh boy - drama, headaches, I feel too old sometimes to deal with it.
May 2007 be filled with the right opportunities, joys and change necessary to make my life a better one. If I am going to age, I better age with grace. Hehe. ;)
~B