Babblemania...
This dating site is messing with my head, this whole personality analysis is making me over think, and we women don’t need any more analysis then we already do in our daily lives. Who am I, what do I like? I feel like I can seem so hypocritical sometimes, and I know my close friends see that and are irritated by it, but my inability to decide on something is a genuine aspect of me. I can truly feel one way, and then another day I truly feel another opposing way. To the point I ask myself do I have some split personality. Yeah I catch me talking to myself, but no I don’t have imaginary friends. Everyone asks what is your passion, what do you want to change in your life, do you love your work? I don’t know, everyday I feel something different and I can’t decide what it is that truly defines who is me. I know I feel wiser and more comfortable with age and I feel happier but I just can’t figure out what it is that I really want.
1. A home - a place of my own. I love privacy. But I am stuck with a location that I should call home? (Fluff)
2. Health and happiness for me and my friends/family. (Unrealistic)
3. A good job and financial security. (Fluff)
But I am REALLY stuck on this…
4. Relationship - I DON’T KNOW - am I happy single, or did I seem happier with someone? I know there is good and bad to both. Australia taught me to keep myself busy on the weekends - I didn’t need friends to explore the city or world. I know I need some sort of championship like friends and family, but do I really need a boyfriend? A part of me really believes I want excitement, a change in partners or I will get bored, another part wants the loyalty and commitment from one person. This conflicting part of me doesn’t help when in search for a partner. And the whole searching thing is so unappealing, seems like more work then I care to do. I wonder does being single channel the sexual energy inward and provides you the time to help you accomplish much more than you would being with someone? I am doing more for myself being alone then I would be dating someone.
I swear I believe in this truth that very few people can see. I believe many people fool themselves into believing living a certain lifestyle should make them happy. Last night’s House episode hit it on, most marriages DO blow. People pretend to be something they aren’t, expecting people to change but they don’t. True compatibility is hard to find - think of the friends you have and how hard it can be sometimes, think of your family, similar genetics and half the time you want to kick their ass. I seriously think people just hook up to avoid fixing themselves, to distract them from their sadness, from the reflection that only being alone provides. History states and I believe it that the great prophets always took to solitude to discover their truth in being.
FUCK WHAT DO I WANT? - I have been saying this for ages and I still can’t figure it out. Am I just emotionally disabled to reach this conclusion? But I see so many of us struggle the same battle, with fear limiting us from making any resolution.
I know my life is good and I don’t plan to jump off a bridge - I am NOT complaining. I have just been in a situation recently where I am over thinking that I cry myself to sleep wondering what the fuck is the point, I can die tomorrow and my life as I know it would be gone. Would I feel it was all worth it?
I am sad, because people are sad and don’t accomplish their potential in life, including myself. We are blinding from seeing the truth, tricked into a lifestyle and social groups that suits our society’s needs but not our own true needs.
Yeah I can take off to Africa and help the poor, but I can’t help but think that is just another emotional gap filler by overloading self righteousness.
Food for thought, anyone?
1. A home - a place of my own. I love privacy. But I am stuck with a location that I should call home? (Fluff)
2. Health and happiness for me and my friends/family. (Unrealistic)
3. A good job and financial security. (Fluff)
But I am REALLY stuck on this…
4. Relationship - I DON’T KNOW - am I happy single, or did I seem happier with someone? I know there is good and bad to both. Australia taught me to keep myself busy on the weekends - I didn’t need friends to explore the city or world. I know I need some sort of championship like friends and family, but do I really need a boyfriend? A part of me really believes I want excitement, a change in partners or I will get bored, another part wants the loyalty and commitment from one person. This conflicting part of me doesn’t help when in search for a partner. And the whole searching thing is so unappealing, seems like more work then I care to do. I wonder does being single channel the sexual energy inward and provides you the time to help you accomplish much more than you would being with someone? I am doing more for myself being alone then I would be dating someone.
I swear I believe in this truth that very few people can see. I believe many people fool themselves into believing living a certain lifestyle should make them happy. Last night’s House episode hit it on, most marriages DO blow. People pretend to be something they aren’t, expecting people to change but they don’t. True compatibility is hard to find - think of the friends you have and how hard it can be sometimes, think of your family, similar genetics and half the time you want to kick their ass. I seriously think people just hook up to avoid fixing themselves, to distract them from their sadness, from the reflection that only being alone provides. History states and I believe it that the great prophets always took to solitude to discover their truth in being.
FUCK WHAT DO I WANT? - I have been saying this for ages and I still can’t figure it out. Am I just emotionally disabled to reach this conclusion? But I see so many of us struggle the same battle, with fear limiting us from making any resolution.
I know my life is good and I don’t plan to jump off a bridge - I am NOT complaining. I have just been in a situation recently where I am over thinking that I cry myself to sleep wondering what the fuck is the point, I can die tomorrow and my life as I know it would be gone. Would I feel it was all worth it?
I am sad, because people are sad and don’t accomplish their potential in life, including myself. We are blinding from seeing the truth, tricked into a lifestyle and social groups that suits our society’s needs but not our own true needs.
Yeah I can take off to Africa and help the poor, but I can’t help but think that is just another emotional gap filler by overloading self righteousness.
Food for thought, anyone?