(no subject)
i'm scared to leave home, to leave everything i have known for my entire life.
but i know it's what i need.
i'm so scared to pick the wrong school, big college or small?
do i want to blend in or stand out.
do i go in blind or risk losing an old friendship because we will drive each other crazy
DO I STAY HOME OR GO AWAY?
that is my biggest one.
i can't decide what it best for me.
i know everyone else is leaving, and i don't think i can handle staying here for another year.
but it is SO MUCH cheaper.
and i feel like i almost need the extra time.
i feel like last year i fucked up everything so bad with out my parents suprivising me, what the hell will i do on my own.
what if i can't resist having a drink?
and then two
three
four
drunk again.
what if i NEED to smoke weed.
what if i can't make it through my classes
what if i fail.
WHERE WILL I FAIL AT.
i need to decide if i am staying or going.
can i handle leaving?
i always have thought i would be out of here the day i graduated.
and now i am actually consider myself staying home.
BIGGEST PROBLEM-
i can't imagine myself leaving everyone i know and going to college.
AND
i can't imagine myself staying home while everyone else leaves.
i just feel like this has so much affect on my life, and after going to michigan today and hearing the kids talk, it made me realize i need to decide.
ARGH.