(no subject)
The only way to describe how I am feeling is that I have fallen into a black abyss and I don't know how to get out. The person that usually provides me with comforting words and hugs is the person inflicting the gut wrenching pain. So his comfort makes me cry harder. I am in an alternate universe where things aren't quite right. He loves me still, wants to cuddle, and yet the something that isn't right is that I know it is probably over....It's an illusion. Went into work this morning just to turn around and come home. I felt physically ill from my emotional pain and was even told I looked horrible. I am taking klonopin. Even when I was at my worst last fall I didn't want to take any meds. But at that time I had a supportive man. Now I would prefer to be asleep cuz there is less to feel. My future was once all a laid out in my mind, and now I could do anything I want to...except the one thing I want the most. I never thought I would be a person who loved someone with all their heart and soul but not be loved back the same way. That crap should only happen in movies. Sorry everyone for my grief. I am sorry for my overwhelming grief.