None of Your Business: A Public Service Announcement
(Suitable black-and-white introduction, with an American flag flapping proudly before a background of sky.)
Announcer: Privacy is very important to a functioning society. People are less likely to form deep and sometimes intimate bonds with others if they can't have the comfort that privacy affords. Should anyone inquire about things you don't care to discuss, it is perfectly all right to say, "That's none of your business."
HOWEVER, this phrase is being misused in friendships and blogs all across the world.
(Cut to a scene at a cocktail party, where Jean, Sam, and a few other adults are sipping beverages and enjoying themselves.)
For instance, Jean openly announces that she is robbing her employer blind. Most of her friends laugh at this, but Sam suggests that stealing is wrong and, ergo, Jean should not be doing this. Jean's snappy comeback is issued:
Jean: "That's none of your business!"
(The action slows and then stops with a screeching-tires sound. Everyone but Jean and Sam stops cold. Jean and Sam look with surprise at the camera.)
Announcer: Well, Jean, it now is Sam's business. Do you know why? Because you told him. He's a moral and upstanding citizen--the reason why you want him to be your friend--and so, he's going to have opinions. And because he cares about you, he's going to tell you when he thinks you're doing something that isn't right.
Jean: "But why is this, Lurky? I thought it wasn't polite to discuss religion, politics, or sex!"
Announcer: Jean, you proposed the topic of conversation by bringing it up, and showed that you have no problem talking about it. The reason those topics are considered "impolite" is because they're private subjects that shouldn't be brought up casually. You put Sam on the spot, not the other way around.
(Sam nods.)
Jean: "But Lurky, I wasn't inviting a discussion! I was just telling them that I was putting one over on my employer."
Announcer: Jean, Jean, do you think conversation is made up of unconnected monologues? Of course not. If you want to tell people things without giving them an opportunity to respond, you could just save trouble and film your announcements to post on YouTube.
Jean: "Lurky, I don't mind people responding. What I mind is when they start acting like what I'm doing is any of their business!"
Announcer: Well, Jean, if it isn't Sam's business, why did you tell him? You seem to think that your theft is enough of his business that he should know about it.
(Jean is very agitated now.)
Jean: "Okay, I'll just be honest. I don't want to hear disagreement. I only want to hear positive responses. It really hurts my feelings when someone says that they think the things I want to do are wrong. Sam is such a meanie, so it shouldn't be his business even when I make it his business. Okay?"
Announcer: Sam, do you have anything to say to that?
Sam: "Yes, Lurky, I do. I've been very nice to Jean. Unlike a lot of people, I don't pry into Jean's business; I only respond to what she tells me. I just assume that she's a decent person and let her make her own decisions. And when I said what I did about stealing being wrong, it was because I don't want to see her get into trouble. Unlike these yes-men giggling about it, I want to be a true friend."
Announcer: Well, Jean, it looks like Sam wants to be a friend to you. Even if you think only people who agree with you should have the right to speak up, isn't that a noble attitude? Don't you think that's what a good friend should do?
Jean: No. No I don't! If he wants to be a good person, he needs to stop using judging words like "wrong" and "bad" and just accept what I want to do with my life! The only reason why anyone wouldn't approve of me is because they hate me and are full of meanness and badness! I'm just as good as he is!
Announcer: Jean, thank you for being so open about what you think of Sam.
(Jean stands in an attitude of juvenile sulking.)
Announcer: Well, Sam, are you going to conform to Jean's standards of goodness?
Sam: No, I'm not. I'm not going to stand here and be judged by her just because my beliefs are different from hers. I'm going to go be around people who will at least respect my right to disagree, instead of throwing childish tantrums when everyone doesn't applaud them.
(Sam leaves, and Jean sticks out her tongue at his departing back. The action resumes around her, with her remaining friends laughing and visibly congratulating her on her clever fraud. The rest is a montage of images of people having what looks like a good time, then departing one by one.)
Announcer: Jean now has the kinds of friends she wants, people who believe just as she does. They think her theft is very clever indeed.
(Jean leaves with a friend, and cut to exterior shot of the party house. The friend is going through her purse, and looks up to an empty space where her car should be.)
Announcer: But what's this, Jean? Is your friend's car gone? She parked it right here. How could this be?
(The friend and Jean talk for a moment, then cut to the friend leaving in a taxi.)
Announcer: Your friend will call a cab and go file a report with the police. Such a shame that this could happen to someone so nice and non-judgmental!
(A car goes by very slowly, driven by a group of young hooligans.)
Announcer: But wait, isn't that your friend's car, Jean? What a terrible thing! But wait, you shouldn't get involved! After all, it's none of your business whether those boys think stealing is wrong. You wouldn't want to be mean and hateful and full of badness like Sam, would you? No, you need to just keep quiet and not tell your friend--because if you do, you'll be saying that it was wrong for those boys to steal her car, and that would be NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
(The scene fades to the American flag before the sky.)
"This has been a Sarcastic Murlocs presentation!"
(Triumphant fanfare, and fade to black.)
Announcer: Privacy is very important to a functioning society. People are less likely to form deep and sometimes intimate bonds with others if they can't have the comfort that privacy affords. Should anyone inquire about things you don't care to discuss, it is perfectly all right to say, "That's none of your business."
HOWEVER, this phrase is being misused in friendships and blogs all across the world.
(Cut to a scene at a cocktail party, where Jean, Sam, and a few other adults are sipping beverages and enjoying themselves.)
For instance, Jean openly announces that she is robbing her employer blind. Most of her friends laugh at this, but Sam suggests that stealing is wrong and, ergo, Jean should not be doing this. Jean's snappy comeback is issued:
Jean: "That's none of your business!"
(The action slows and then stops with a screeching-tires sound. Everyone but Jean and Sam stops cold. Jean and Sam look with surprise at the camera.)
Announcer: Well, Jean, it now is Sam's business. Do you know why? Because you told him. He's a moral and upstanding citizen--the reason why you want him to be your friend--and so, he's going to have opinions. And because he cares about you, he's going to tell you when he thinks you're doing something that isn't right.
Jean: "But why is this, Lurky? I thought it wasn't polite to discuss religion, politics, or sex!"
Announcer: Jean, you proposed the topic of conversation by bringing it up, and showed that you have no problem talking about it. The reason those topics are considered "impolite" is because they're private subjects that shouldn't be brought up casually. You put Sam on the spot, not the other way around.
(Sam nods.)
Jean: "But Lurky, I wasn't inviting a discussion! I was just telling them that I was putting one over on my employer."
Announcer: Jean, Jean, do you think conversation is made up of unconnected monologues? Of course not. If you want to tell people things without giving them an opportunity to respond, you could just save trouble and film your announcements to post on YouTube.
Jean: "Lurky, I don't mind people responding. What I mind is when they start acting like what I'm doing is any of their business!"
Announcer: Well, Jean, if it isn't Sam's business, why did you tell him? You seem to think that your theft is enough of his business that he should know about it.
(Jean is very agitated now.)
Jean: "Okay, I'll just be honest. I don't want to hear disagreement. I only want to hear positive responses. It really hurts my feelings when someone says that they think the things I want to do are wrong. Sam is such a meanie, so it shouldn't be his business even when I make it his business. Okay?"
Announcer: Sam, do you have anything to say to that?
Sam: "Yes, Lurky, I do. I've been very nice to Jean. Unlike a lot of people, I don't pry into Jean's business; I only respond to what she tells me. I just assume that she's a decent person and let her make her own decisions. And when I said what I did about stealing being wrong, it was because I don't want to see her get into trouble. Unlike these yes-men giggling about it, I want to be a true friend."
Announcer: Well, Jean, it looks like Sam wants to be a friend to you. Even if you think only people who agree with you should have the right to speak up, isn't that a noble attitude? Don't you think that's what a good friend should do?
Jean: No. No I don't! If he wants to be a good person, he needs to stop using judging words like "wrong" and "bad" and just accept what I want to do with my life! The only reason why anyone wouldn't approve of me is because they hate me and are full of meanness and badness! I'm just as good as he is!
Announcer: Jean, thank you for being so open about what you think of Sam.
(Jean stands in an attitude of juvenile sulking.)
Announcer: Well, Sam, are you going to conform to Jean's standards of goodness?
Sam: No, I'm not. I'm not going to stand here and be judged by her just because my beliefs are different from hers. I'm going to go be around people who will at least respect my right to disagree, instead of throwing childish tantrums when everyone doesn't applaud them.
(Sam leaves, and Jean sticks out her tongue at his departing back. The action resumes around her, with her remaining friends laughing and visibly congratulating her on her clever fraud. The rest is a montage of images of people having what looks like a good time, then departing one by one.)
Announcer: Jean now has the kinds of friends she wants, people who believe just as she does. They think her theft is very clever indeed.
(Jean leaves with a friend, and cut to exterior shot of the party house. The friend is going through her purse, and looks up to an empty space where her car should be.)
Announcer: But what's this, Jean? Is your friend's car gone? She parked it right here. How could this be?
(The friend and Jean talk for a moment, then cut to the friend leaving in a taxi.)
Announcer: Your friend will call a cab and go file a report with the police. Such a shame that this could happen to someone so nice and non-judgmental!
(A car goes by very slowly, driven by a group of young hooligans.)
Announcer: But wait, isn't that your friend's car, Jean? What a terrible thing! But wait, you shouldn't get involved! After all, it's none of your business whether those boys think stealing is wrong. You wouldn't want to be mean and hateful and full of badness like Sam, would you? No, you need to just keep quiet and not tell your friend--because if you do, you'll be saying that it was wrong for those boys to steal her car, and that would be NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
(The scene fades to the American flag before the sky.)
"This has been a Sarcastic Murlocs presentation!"
(Triumphant fanfare, and fade to black.)