Families unbound
The notion that having a family somehow begins with getting married and seeking to have children is one of the things that is wrong with our society. The concept of the "nuclear family": mother, father and children, was popularized in the nuclear age of the 1950's and remains sacred in the hearts of the same people who now claim that marriage is solely for the purposes of procreation and is the sole province of a man and a woman.
Such a plan is unnecessarily isolating to those who, for one reason or another, live outside the officially condoned married state. Ridicule is heaped upon adults who choose to continue to live with their parents even though such an arrangement might make the most financial sense. Grandparents, aunts and uncles lose the opportunity to contribute their rich experience to the "children of the clan", and an unhealthy financial burden is placed upon isolated parents who must work ever-harder to pay for day-care as school days are shortened.
Why is it that we must abandon our families of origin to be with a spouse? Where is it written that a mother-in-law can only be the butt of bad jokes? Why can't a male relative have an interest in the lives of underage relations without being accused of sexual impropriety?
It's time to bury the silly notion that every marriage is a new family, and start acting like we already have a family, and it's growing.
I originally posted this as a note on FB, but in thinking more about it, I do believe that friends are an integral part of "family". There are just some friends that, regardless of their situation in life, will always be a part of your own life. My little sister Maisy has one such friend, a young woman who recently adopted a a baby. To date, she hasn't found the right man, but she has more than enough means (both her own and inherited) to raise a child. This woman, whose parents are deceased, has become as much a part of our family as any of my sisters, and my nephews often refer to the baby as their little sister. If Maisy could afford a larger home with a separate apartment, I know they would all be together. But I also know that there would be whispers of impropriety at the arrangement. Once again, the prevailing notion of "family" isolates and marginalizes people instead of supporting them, and that's sickening.
And now I'm off to find some pancakes on Father's Day.
Such a plan is unnecessarily isolating to those who, for one reason or another, live outside the officially condoned married state. Ridicule is heaped upon adults who choose to continue to live with their parents even though such an arrangement might make the most financial sense. Grandparents, aunts and uncles lose the opportunity to contribute their rich experience to the "children of the clan", and an unhealthy financial burden is placed upon isolated parents who must work ever-harder to pay for day-care as school days are shortened.
Why is it that we must abandon our families of origin to be with a spouse? Where is it written that a mother-in-law can only be the butt of bad jokes? Why can't a male relative have an interest in the lives of underage relations without being accused of sexual impropriety?
It's time to bury the silly notion that every marriage is a new family, and start acting like we already have a family, and it's growing.
I originally posted this as a note on FB, but in thinking more about it, I do believe that friends are an integral part of "family". There are just some friends that, regardless of their situation in life, will always be a part of your own life. My little sister Maisy has one such friend, a young woman who recently adopted a a baby. To date, she hasn't found the right man, but she has more than enough means (both her own and inherited) to raise a child. This woman, whose parents are deceased, has become as much a part of our family as any of my sisters, and my nephews often refer to the baby as their little sister. If Maisy could afford a larger home with a separate apartment, I know they would all be together. But I also know that there would be whispers of impropriety at the arrangement. Once again, the prevailing notion of "family" isolates and marginalizes people instead of supporting them, and that's sickening.
And now I'm off to find some pancakes on Father's Day.