Twilight Spitefic Ideas
Spiteficlet: Bella ignores doctors’ orders after the Tyler’s Van Incident, takes off neck brace, falls asleep (w/ concussion), and never wakes up.
AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!
Spitefic: everyone at school already knows the Cullens are vampires, but are too scared or mind-controlled to warn Bella. The most they can do is give vague warnings. Jessica: “Edward thinks he’s too good for us mere mortals to date.” Mike: “He looks at you like you’re a piece of meat.”
Spitefic: Edward is either gay or asexual and is mistaking his extreme bloodthirst for sexual arousal.
Oh, wait.
Meyer already wrote that.
Spitefic: Edward and Carlisle are bum chums and Esme is just a beard. (Edward may be bi and actually interested in Bella, tho.)
Spitefic: Bella is a misogynistic, self-hating lesbian who’s sublimating her desires for Alice. (Dates her girliest brother. Edward and Alice both described as slender and graceful. Bella says she hates dressing up and being fussed over but lets Alice dress her up like a doll and throw her extravagant parties. The sleepovers. The fact that from New Moon on, Alice has the personality of a female Edward. Alice buys Bella sexy lingerie. Alice buys Bella sexy lingerie. Did I mention that Alice buys Bella sexy lingerie?For her honeymoon with Alice’s brother? Now we know who Bella was thinking of when she conceived Renesmee. (Edward, of course, was thinking of Carlisle).)
Oh, wait.
Meyer already wrote that.
Spitefic: Bella's a masochist who gets off on Edward's abuse, and she's a sociopath who does nothing but use other people to get what she wants. Most of Edward's appeal is that he can make her all-powerful and immortal.
Oh, wait.
Meyer already wrote that.
Sequel Spitefic: Renesmee is the Antichrist/Beast from the Book of Revelation, who looks like the Lamb but speaks with the voice of the Dragon and leads thousands to damnation through a false religion. (I guess this makes Bella the Anti-Virgin Mary. (Is Edward the Anti-St. Joseph?) Fitting.) When Renesmee reaches physical maturity in seven years, it signals the start of the Apocalypse. The Cullens and the creepy pedo werewolves are cast into the Outer Darkness beyond the edge of the universe.
Sequel Spitefic: After the Cullens openly defy them, the Volturi start an experimental program. They sire large numbers of half-vampires and interbreed them to create a hybrid army. Within two to three 7-year generations, the dhampirs have become a serious threat to vampirekind. They desert en masse and begin a guerrilla war to destroy all vampires (and any werewolves they find, too).
AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!
Spitefic: everyone at school already knows the Cullens are vampires, but are too scared or mind-controlled to warn Bella. The most they can do is give vague warnings. Jessica: “Edward thinks he’s too good for us mere mortals to date.” Mike: “He looks at you like you’re a piece of meat.”
Spitefic: Edward is either gay or asexual and is mistaking his extreme bloodthirst for sexual arousal.
Oh, wait.
Meyer already wrote that.
Spitefic: Edward and Carlisle are bum chums and Esme is just a beard. (Edward may be bi and actually interested in Bella, tho.)
Spitefic: Bella is a misogynistic, self-hating lesbian who’s sublimating her desires for Alice. (Dates her girliest brother. Edward and Alice both described as slender and graceful. Bella says she hates dressing up and being fussed over but lets Alice dress her up like a doll and throw her extravagant parties. The sleepovers. The fact that from New Moon on, Alice has the personality of a female Edward. Alice buys Bella sexy lingerie. Alice buys Bella sexy lingerie. Did I mention that Alice buys Bella sexy lingerie?For her honeymoon with Alice’s brother? Now we know who Bella was thinking of when she conceived Renesmee. (Edward, of course, was thinking of Carlisle).)
Oh, wait.
Meyer already wrote that.
Spitefic: Bella's a masochist who gets off on Edward's abuse, and she's a sociopath who does nothing but use other people to get what she wants. Most of Edward's appeal is that he can make her all-powerful and immortal.
Oh, wait.
Meyer already wrote that.
Sequel Spitefic: Renesmee is the Antichrist/Beast from the Book of Revelation, who looks like the Lamb but speaks with the voice of the Dragon and leads thousands to damnation through a false religion. (I guess this makes Bella the Anti-Virgin Mary. (Is Edward the Anti-St. Joseph?) Fitting.) When Renesmee reaches physical maturity in seven years, it signals the start of the Apocalypse. The Cullens and the creepy pedo werewolves are cast into the Outer Darkness beyond the edge of the universe.
Sequel Spitefic: After the Cullens openly defy them, the Volturi start an experimental program. They sire large numbers of half-vampires and interbreed them to create a hybrid army. Within two to three 7-year generations, the dhampirs have become a serious threat to vampirekind. They desert en masse and begin a guerrilla war to destroy all vampires (and any werewolves they find, too).