Dowa: Mulberry Fields Forever
Okay, listen up, everyone!
What? I'm telling a story.
Yes, Kuwabara Kazuma can so tell stories. Besides, this is a fairy tale, for the assignment. Now shut up and LISTEN.
Mukashi-mukashi, in Yooroppa, when every hill had a king on top of it, there was a kingdom where the king always had three sons. The eldest one was always named Kurama, the second one was always named Kazuma, and the third one was always named Keisuke. The three of them always went off to seek their fortunes, and Kurama and Kazuma would never be heard from again, but Keisuke would come home with a bride and settle down to be the next king.
This went on until the days of Keisuke the Forty-Second. He and his wife --
What do you mean, "what was his wife's name?" Does it MATTER what her name was? Her name was BELLDANDY, all right?
Ch'.
Keisuke and Belldandy had their first son Kurama and their second son Kazuma, all right, but when their third child was born, it was a girl.
"We shall just have to name her Keiko," Keisuke said. "But what will we do about the seeking-fortune bit?"
"I'm sure something will work out when we come to it," Belldandy said.
So the three kids grew up. Kurama was elegant, smart, and controlled; Kazuma was manly, brave, strong, valiant --
Shut UP, Urameshi!
-- valiant, and could see farther through a millstone than most; and Keiko was brave, lovely, smart, and cooked a mean chicken yakisoba. Most of the other young people in the kingdom had crushes on one of these three.
Okay, so most of them were on Kurama and Keiko. Urameshi, you are asking for it.
Their parents were getting pretty worried about Keiko, so they asked Belldandy's older sister if she had ever heard of a similar case.
Aunt Urd said "Nope, never," and went out bar-crawling with Atsuko, Goddess of Love and Beauty. The two put five bars out of business and ended up telling each other their life stories over a tray of May Queens.
It's this drink in some English novels. Ask my sister.
When Atsuko, Goddess of Love and Beauty, sobered up the next morning, she went to see for herself.
Hey! She's an important goddess! Atsuko, foam-sprung, lover of smiles...
Anyway, she went back home in a bad mood, because nobody in Keisuke's kingdom was worshipping her anymore. They were all out mooning over Kurama, or Kazuma, or Keiko, as the case might be. The brothers were tolerable, because they were going to take off and leave next weekend, but she was really pissed at Keiko. Plus her head hurt.
So Atsuko Foamsprung yelled for her son Hore to get his lazy ass in here.
You know, from "horeru," to be in love with someone. The Goddess of Love and Beauty's son is Urameshi Hore, and it is his duty to fly around naked with big feathery white wings and shoot mortals with his Ai-gun, making them fall in love with people, while moaning "U... ra... me... shi..."
Well, you'd be pissed if you had to fly around bare-ass-naked and make people fall in love with each other, wouldn't you? He hates his job. He'd much rather go out and kick ass.
Oh, YEAH? You just try it, Urameshi! I'll kick YOURS!
Anyway, Hore showed up -- dressed, because he wasn't working -- and growled "You yelled, Ofukuro?"
"You bet I did, you lazy brat," she said. "In such-and-such a kingdom in such-and-such a place, the king has a beautiful daughter named Keiko. I'm pissed at her. Go and arrange for her to pair up with a terrible feared youkai with no manners. Shoo."
Hore grumbled some more, but he ended up stripping and flying out the window.
When he got to the kingdom, he found that it was such a small palace that all the kids slept in the same room.
K', are you NUTS, Itoh? In the first place, neither Kurama nor Kazuma would have dreamed of peeking at their own sister, and in the second place, if they did, Keiko would knock them into the middle of next Tuesday!
What do you mean, what about Keiko?
There, see? Now keep quiet during my story unless you really want me to hit you -- I'll hit much harder than Urameshi just did.
ANyway, Howare saw three beds. He knelt on the edge of the first bed, which was pretty hard. The person in the bed had long, beautiful hair, and was curled up looking away from him. Howare had just about decided that this must be Keiko when Long-hair rolled over and knocked the blankets down to waist height.
Hore was pretty sure that Keiko couldn't be *that* flat, so he moved on to the next bed. It was very soft.
However, he only needed one glance at the soft bed's tough, mighty, manly occupant to know that there was no way in hell this could be the beautiful Keiko, either.
So he knelt on the third bed, which by an amazing coincidence was just the kind of mattress he himself liked, and began to aim the Ai-gun at the sleeping, innocent Keiko.
"Ai... "
At that moment, from deep in his sleep, Kazuma sensed Imminent Danger to his sister. He reacted in the only way that he could, at the moment.
He SNORED.
Oh, shuddup. This wasn't one of your ordinary, everyday snores. This was a full-blast, beluga and rhino locked in a closet, blow out the windows, nail the roof on a bit harder, Snore.
It startled the shit out of Hore, and the ki-ball he'd been building in his hand exploded.
He started cursing, because having a ball of energy explode in your hand hurts like holy flaming hell.
Language shmanguage! Who's telling this story, you or me?
And then Keiko rolled over, letting Hore see her face. She was smiling in her sleep. It was a cute smile. A really cute smile. Come to think of it, her whole face was cute. Not to mention that her figure was pretty hot, as well. Definitely hot. Come to think of it, the room was pretty hot, too. Dried out his mouth and everything. Not comfortable. Especially --
What the fuck was going on?
K'so! The Ai-gun!
And Hore flew out of the window as fast as he possibly could, desperately wishing that his mother would let him wear clothes, or at least boxers.
The next day, he set off to go find some demons and get in a good fight with them, in order to distract himself from these strange... feelings.
And next weekend, Kurama and Kazuma went off to seek their fortune, and Keisuke and Belldandy debated what to do about their daughter.
At last they decided to consult someone who could see the future.
So Keisuke, Belldandy, and Keiko trooped off to Madam Shizuru Sapphire's Space Age Hair Salon, Ice Cream Parlor, and Love Garage, where they found Belldandy's younger sister Skuld polishing off a fudge ripple, banana walnut, and green tea triple-scoop ice cream cone.
"O Skuld," Keisuke said, "my family always has three sons, of whom the first two go elsewhere and the third one returns home and rules. However, I have a daughter rather than a third son. What will become of her?"
"While on a visit to the Old Woman of the Mountain," Skuld told them, "she will be carried off to become the bride of a horrible mighty youkai powerful enough to challenge the lords of the Spirit and the Demon Worlds. How have you been lately, Oneesama?"
Now, neither Keisuke nor Keiko particularly liked this prophecy, but there wasn't much they could do about it and Belldandy was sure that they could work it out somehow. So they sat down and ordered ice cream, and Madam Shizuru Sapphire herself served them.
"By the way, Keiko," she remarked, "you might want to tell your friends that the Love Garage has some new pinups for sale, including some of Howare for once rising to the occasion. Care to take a look?"
Shut UP, Urameshi!
Thank you, Keiko. San.
"You know I don't buy that sort of stuff," Keiko said. "But if you have any new Samurai Trooper doujinshi, I'd like to look through them."
Speaking of which, by the way, Aneki wants that one back.
On with the story.
So the king and queen and Keiko trooped back home, and nothing much happened for a year. Meanwhile, Hore, after many adventures --
What sort of adventures? Well, uh, by a strange coincidence he met up with Kurama and Kazuma and a fire demon and they defeated lots of enemies together and won a big martial arts tournament like in Dragonball and saved the world three or five times and Kurama became the heir to a mighty kingdom and Kazuma married Yuki-onna, the dearest, sweetest, kindest, most --
Okay, okay. Even though he had had all these adventures, Hore just couldn't get Keiko off his mind. Finally he had to admit it to himself; it wasn't just that Keiko was a cute babe. It wasn't just that she was a really hot piece of -- uh, sorry. He was in LOVE with her!
Urameshi, if you have a problem with My Story, you can meet me after class.
See? Keiko-san has taste.
Anyway, two weeks after Hore realized this, Keiko decided she was sick and tired of waiting around and knowing her fate was creeping up on her, so she decided to go visit the Old Woman of the Mountain and get it over with. Her friends cried, and her father got an incredible amount of pollen in his eyes, and her mother packed her a basket full of lunches, in case she needed something to eat. It was a magic basket, so the lunches would keep for as long as they needed to.
What? I'm telling a story.
Yes, Kuwabara Kazuma can so tell stories. Besides, this is a fairy tale, for the assignment. Now shut up and LISTEN.
Mukashi-mukashi, in Yooroppa, when every hill had a king on top of it, there was a kingdom where the king always had three sons. The eldest one was always named Kurama, the second one was always named Kazuma, and the third one was always named Keisuke. The three of them always went off to seek their fortunes, and Kurama and Kazuma would never be heard from again, but Keisuke would come home with a bride and settle down to be the next king.
This went on until the days of Keisuke the Forty-Second. He and his wife --
What do you mean, "what was his wife's name?" Does it MATTER what her name was? Her name was BELLDANDY, all right?
Ch'.
Keisuke and Belldandy had their first son Kurama and their second son Kazuma, all right, but when their third child was born, it was a girl.
"We shall just have to name her Keiko," Keisuke said. "But what will we do about the seeking-fortune bit?"
"I'm sure something will work out when we come to it," Belldandy said.
So the three kids grew up. Kurama was elegant, smart, and controlled; Kazuma was manly, brave, strong, valiant --
Shut UP, Urameshi!
-- valiant, and could see farther through a millstone than most; and Keiko was brave, lovely, smart, and cooked a mean chicken yakisoba. Most of the other young people in the kingdom had crushes on one of these three.
Okay, so most of them were on Kurama and Keiko. Urameshi, you are asking for it.
Their parents were getting pretty worried about Keiko, so they asked Belldandy's older sister if she had ever heard of a similar case.
Aunt Urd said "Nope, never," and went out bar-crawling with Atsuko, Goddess of Love and Beauty. The two put five bars out of business and ended up telling each other their life stories over a tray of May Queens.
It's this drink in some English novels. Ask my sister.
When Atsuko, Goddess of Love and Beauty, sobered up the next morning, she went to see for herself.
Hey! She's an important goddess! Atsuko, foam-sprung, lover of smiles...
Anyway, she went back home in a bad mood, because nobody in Keisuke's kingdom was worshipping her anymore. They were all out mooning over Kurama, or Kazuma, or Keiko, as the case might be. The brothers were tolerable, because they were going to take off and leave next weekend, but she was really pissed at Keiko. Plus her head hurt.
So Atsuko Foamsprung yelled for her son Hore to get his lazy ass in here.
You know, from "horeru," to be in love with someone. The Goddess of Love and Beauty's son is Urameshi Hore, and it is his duty to fly around naked with big feathery white wings and shoot mortals with his Ai-gun, making them fall in love with people, while moaning "U... ra... me... shi..."
Well, you'd be pissed if you had to fly around bare-ass-naked and make people fall in love with each other, wouldn't you? He hates his job. He'd much rather go out and kick ass.
Oh, YEAH? You just try it, Urameshi! I'll kick YOURS!
Anyway, Hore showed up -- dressed, because he wasn't working -- and growled "You yelled, Ofukuro?"
"You bet I did, you lazy brat," she said. "In such-and-such a kingdom in such-and-such a place, the king has a beautiful daughter named Keiko. I'm pissed at her. Go and arrange for her to pair up with a terrible feared youkai with no manners. Shoo."
Hore grumbled some more, but he ended up stripping and flying out the window.
When he got to the kingdom, he found that it was such a small palace that all the kids slept in the same room.
K', are you NUTS, Itoh? In the first place, neither Kurama nor Kazuma would have dreamed of peeking at their own sister, and in the second place, if they did, Keiko would knock them into the middle of next Tuesday!
What do you mean, what about Keiko?
There, see? Now keep quiet during my story unless you really want me to hit you -- I'll hit much harder than Urameshi just did.
ANyway, Howare saw three beds. He knelt on the edge of the first bed, which was pretty hard. The person in the bed had long, beautiful hair, and was curled up looking away from him. Howare had just about decided that this must be Keiko when Long-hair rolled over and knocked the blankets down to waist height.
Hore was pretty sure that Keiko couldn't be *that* flat, so he moved on to the next bed. It was very soft.
However, he only needed one glance at the soft bed's tough, mighty, manly occupant to know that there was no way in hell this could be the beautiful Keiko, either.
So he knelt on the third bed, which by an amazing coincidence was just the kind of mattress he himself liked, and began to aim the Ai-gun at the sleeping, innocent Keiko.
"Ai... "
At that moment, from deep in his sleep, Kazuma sensed Imminent Danger to his sister. He reacted in the only way that he could, at the moment.
He SNORED.
Oh, shuddup. This wasn't one of your ordinary, everyday snores. This was a full-blast, beluga and rhino locked in a closet, blow out the windows, nail the roof on a bit harder, Snore.
It startled the shit out of Hore, and the ki-ball he'd been building in his hand exploded.
He started cursing, because having a ball of energy explode in your hand hurts like holy flaming hell.
Language shmanguage! Who's telling this story, you or me?
And then Keiko rolled over, letting Hore see her face. She was smiling in her sleep. It was a cute smile. A really cute smile. Come to think of it, her whole face was cute. Not to mention that her figure was pretty hot, as well. Definitely hot. Come to think of it, the room was pretty hot, too. Dried out his mouth and everything. Not comfortable. Especially --
What the fuck was going on?
K'so! The Ai-gun!
And Hore flew out of the window as fast as he possibly could, desperately wishing that his mother would let him wear clothes, or at least boxers.
The next day, he set off to go find some demons and get in a good fight with them, in order to distract himself from these strange... feelings.
And next weekend, Kurama and Kazuma went off to seek their fortune, and Keisuke and Belldandy debated what to do about their daughter.
At last they decided to consult someone who could see the future.
So Keisuke, Belldandy, and Keiko trooped off to Madam Shizuru Sapphire's Space Age Hair Salon, Ice Cream Parlor, and Love Garage, where they found Belldandy's younger sister Skuld polishing off a fudge ripple, banana walnut, and green tea triple-scoop ice cream cone.
"O Skuld," Keisuke said, "my family always has three sons, of whom the first two go elsewhere and the third one returns home and rules. However, I have a daughter rather than a third son. What will become of her?"
"While on a visit to the Old Woman of the Mountain," Skuld told them, "she will be carried off to become the bride of a horrible mighty youkai powerful enough to challenge the lords of the Spirit and the Demon Worlds. How have you been lately, Oneesama?"
Now, neither Keisuke nor Keiko particularly liked this prophecy, but there wasn't much they could do about it and Belldandy was sure that they could work it out somehow. So they sat down and ordered ice cream, and Madam Shizuru Sapphire herself served them.
"By the way, Keiko," she remarked, "you might want to tell your friends that the Love Garage has some new pinups for sale, including some of Howare for once rising to the occasion. Care to take a look?"
Shut UP, Urameshi!
Thank you, Keiko. San.
"You know I don't buy that sort of stuff," Keiko said. "But if you have any new Samurai Trooper doujinshi, I'd like to look through them."
Speaking of which, by the way, Aneki wants that one back.
On with the story.
So the king and queen and Keiko trooped back home, and nothing much happened for a year. Meanwhile, Hore, after many adventures --
What sort of adventures? Well, uh, by a strange coincidence he met up with Kurama and Kazuma and a fire demon and they defeated lots of enemies together and won a big martial arts tournament like in Dragonball and saved the world three or five times and Kurama became the heir to a mighty kingdom and Kazuma married Yuki-onna, the dearest, sweetest, kindest, most --
Okay, okay. Even though he had had all these adventures, Hore just couldn't get Keiko off his mind. Finally he had to admit it to himself; it wasn't just that Keiko was a cute babe. It wasn't just that she was a really hot piece of -- uh, sorry. He was in LOVE with her!
Urameshi, if you have a problem with My Story, you can meet me after class.
See? Keiko-san has taste.
Anyway, two weeks after Hore realized this, Keiko decided she was sick and tired of waiting around and knowing her fate was creeping up on her, so she decided to go visit the Old Woman of the Mountain and get it over with. Her friends cried, and her father got an incredible amount of pollen in his eyes, and her mother packed her a basket full of lunches, in case she needed something to eat. It was a magic basket, so the lunches would keep for as long as they needed to.