(no subject)
Luriel's Acceptance Speech for the Lead Self-Possessed Scientologist Oscar:
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly act! I feel so coked-up! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to read in the tabloids that even in my wildest fits of self-loathing, I never would have made daddy promise that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other suck-ass nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your jealosy makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was n't blonde enough, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how freakish my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap
You know, there are so many ass-kissing talentless success stories to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the glorified prostitutes of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank my guru, for being such a powerful force in my contract negotiations. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts - I couldn't have done it without you!
Thank you America, and good night!
http://www.chickenhead.com/stuff/oscar/index.asp
create your own