*meep*
9-30-04
Mew
No worries… I shall not allow myself to be down.
Life is too grand for silly moments like these =^^=
My Dad just shut off the net. He has this tone to his voice that is bone shattering to hear. Worst part is… he knows it.
My Dad caught me on AIM the other day. (Which I haven’t been allowed on since a couple weeks after I went to Japan in Feb.) He brought up again why the net has been shut off. After visiting Japan I was supposed to write a report about my experience there. Oddly enough I love to write and writing a report about my experience there is right up my ally. However when it comes to my Dad asking anything like that of me… I never do it o.o’’ I need to see a psychologist I’m sure ^^;;
Waffles sure do sound good mmmmm
*sigh* As for Graham… Because you knew I had to bring him up.
If only you could see his eyes that day at Great Lakes Crossing.
If only you could feel the way he holds me in his arms every time we hug.
If only you could hear the way he talks to me.
If only you knew the way I truly influence and have influenced his life.
If only any of you really knew Graham.
(He’s a hard case to crack… constantly changing… not really letting you in)
Some things never change… maybe only the process, but the premise remains the same.
Graham said it best in one of his poems to me/about me…
”I will continue to love her more,
and not just the same…”
Maybe why I stay around is because I know that this is not how things will always be. And every night for years Graham would pray to God to always keep us strong, and to be able to get though the hard times. (I too would pray, but not like I knew he did.) This is certainly a hard time… and I do feel that something is guiding me other than just myself. From the things I think… to the way my emotions fluctuate. It’s so strange. Sometimes I feel I just need to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone forever because all he seems to really cause me is grief. On the other hand, I cannot leave him (it would surely cause me even greater grief), I won’t, doesn’t feel right in the slightest bit… only seems self-centered really. If only you could understand our love.
I remember I used to love that no one had confidence in us. Said we were too young to last. It made me giggle and I would always tell them that one day he and I are surely going to be married. That has never been a doubt… oddly… my doubt revolved more around what forever really consisted of… and the thought of “Will we always be in love like this?” would enter my head. When you consistently have people telling you other wise… (And although I hate to use age as any excuse… it does play its role… even now with making more drama about everything than what is all realistically is, heh.) And when you’re as young as we are you tend to think and believe things your heart, mind and soul doesn’t believe. You make stupid mistakes… it’s only human. (Which I figure is why Graham hates ‘humans’ so much… heheh… we’re so flawed o.o’’)
We’re surely taking things too seriously and I firmly believe our one and only problem is trust. A decent sized problem indeed… but between us… can be easily cured… if fate allows.
I’m gunna make those waffles now, have some fun, and then go to bed.
‘Till next time.
<3
~Neko