Heart Beat
Title: Heart Beat
Author: [info]Hotlen/Stonehouse
Genre: Angst, heartbreak
Warnings: END GAME SPOILERS!!!! Extreme sadness and heart break.
Rating: G, unless you think heart break should be rated R, and then R
Spoilers: ALL OF THEM
Characters: Luke/Reid, Katie/Chris, Holden, Noah, ect
Disclaimer: Once again, endgame spoilers revealed. Don't read if you don't want to know.
Summary: How does Luke move on? One shot.
Authors Note: This is the first time I'm posting here, so I hope I did it right!
I bolted down the hall way of Memorial Hospital. I had run through these corridors too many times before. For my mother, my sister, my father, Noah. But never like this. Never with the aching dread of impossibility. I skidded around the corner, my parents trying to keep up, nearly colliding with a nurse and Dr. Hughes.
"Let me in I want to see him!" I demanded, almost out of breath.
"Luke, the nurses are getting him settled in, you'll have to wait a few minutes."
"Now!" I had never yelled at any of my elders with such veracity before.
"Luke, I need to tell you about Reid's condition."
"No, please…" My voice rice paper thin.
"He had extensive internal damage. Before he got to the hospital he had bled out quite a bit. We repaired what we could, gave him transfusions, but he lost a lot of blood for a long period of time. His organs began to shut down. Luke, I don't believe that Reid is going to make it… I'm sorry but I want to be honest with you. We're making him as comfortable as we can."
"No." I shook my head over and over. "No, no, no. I want to see him! Let me see him!" I started screaming rubbish at the top of my lungs.
"Luke, calm down." I felt my father's arms wrap around from behind me, holding me back, keeping me from Reid's room.
"Let go!" I screamed, forcefully tearing myself away from my father's grip, making my get away to Reid's hospital room door, plunging in, almost tripping over myself. Reid lay peacefully on the bed, an IV in his hand, a telemetry unit stuck to his chest, blood pressure cuff around his arm. Two nurses buzzed around him. I sat down on the stool beside Reid's bed. I took up his hand and kissed each knuckle.
"Hey, Reid." My voice cracked. His hands were ice cold, his face grey. "Hey, baby it's Luke." I tried to stay strong, send positive vibes, but the tears streaked down my cheek, tickling my nose and dripping off my chin. The first tear let to the next and soon they paraded out of my eyes. "Oh God, Reid." I lay my head against his chest, one of my hands still holding his, the other caressing his pale face. "Reid, please please please please don't do this." My jaw shook and I clenched my teeth together. I pressed my face into his chest, trying to muffle out the sobs.
"Huh.. what?" I heard a far off strained voice, but it still held traces of Reid. I sat back up in the bed.
"Reid? Open your eyes."
"Luke?" His eyes flickered open, they were hallow and far away.
"Yeah, it's me." I took up his hand again in mine and held it to my lips.
He looked at the scene around him. "Why am I in the hospital? Why are you crying?"
"You had an accident, don't you remember?"
"No."
"That's good, honey, that's real good."
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm scared."
"Why?" I shook my head, tasting new tears against my lips. "Let me see my chart." I shook my head again, holding tight to his hand. "Let me see my chart, Luke!" He yelled with every ounce of strength he had.
"No, I won't."
"So." He sighed, laying back in the bed, "That bad?"
"I'm so glad you're awake. How are you feeling?"
"Cold." His voice sounded of childhood.
"Okay, I'll call the nurse to come in and get a blanket." I pushed the nurse call button and told her to bring in blankets. "She'll be here soon, okay Reid?"
"Hmmm?" His eyes were closed again, his breath ragged.
"Wait, Reid, open your eyes, there's something I need to tell you before you go to sleep."
"What's that?" He swallowed hard and opened his eyes again to me. His deep blue eyes now lighter, almost white.
"I love you, Reid. I am so in love with you."
He reached a shaky hand up to my face, cupping my cheek like he always did when he wanted to make a point. "I'm in love with you too, Luke."
"Don't forget that, okay?" I could feel my nose draining uncried tears.
"Same for you." He forced a weak smile. I leaned over and gently pressed my lips to his. They were cold, dry, weak.
There was a knock on the door and I looked up, still holding Reid's hand. "Come in."
Bob and Katie stepped in. Bob had a stiff upper lip, Katie's eye make up had run all over her face.
"Oh Reid!" She collapsed on top of his chest, her blonde hair flooding over his face. She held on to him tight as she sobbed into his shoulder.
"Hey, come on now, Katie, no leaking." His free hand pet down her hair.
Katie stood up, wiping her eyes, only succeeding in smearing her make up further. "I'm sorry, I can't help it."
"So, Bob-O," Reid smirked. "Can I see my chart?"
"No!" I protested, shooting Bob a stern look.
"Sure, Reid." He picked the chart up from the counter top and handed it to Reid.
He slowly flipped through the papers, reading every line carefully. The more he read, the slower his eyes moved, the bigger they got. Finally he shut them and with energy he must have gathered from deep within, flung the chart against the wall, clattering to the ground. "Shit!" In seconds he broke down. I had never seen tears fall from Dr. Reid Oliver's eyes, but there, in a second, he cried every tear he had ever held inside.
"Reid!" I hugged my arms around his shoulders, burying his head against my neck. Silently, knowingly, Katie and Bob left the room.
"Oh, God, Luke."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"In my line of work I've seen so many people die. I never thought one would be me."
"Reid, calm down, you have to keep up your strength." Suddenly all my tears dried and I found a new resilience stored deep within me.
"You'll stay with me, right? Stay with me."
"I'm not leaving your side, I promise you." I ran my finger along his lower eyelashes, gathering his glistening tears. "I'm right here, you won't be alone."
"I love you, I've loved you for so long Luke and I was stupid and scared. So much stood in our way and it was bullshit."
"It was." I agreed, "I should have let you make love to me a long time ago, but I was stupid and scared too."
"I would have married you."
"I know." My words are horse, "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."
"I did too, well, I guess I will."
"Don't say that, Reid, please don't say it. I can't take it."
"Come here." His hand laid weakly on the back of my neck. "Kiss me, I think I can handle it better if your lips are against me."
I leaned in and kissed him softly. The kiss grew deeper, I had to taste him, I wanted him to taste me, one last time. "I love you." I whispered one last time, I could feel him fading from my touch.
"Love…too…"
"Reid, don't." My eyes fogged with tears and I fell against his chest, clutching his hospital gown.
"Luke?"
I sat upright, wiping my eyes, I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes. Reid's eyes were closed, his lips tinted with blue. I looked behind me to see my father in the door way. Through the window my mother and Noah stood waiting.
"Luke, it's time to go now."
"No! No I told Reid I wouldn't leave him!"
Behind my father a team of nurses, Bob, and a man dressed in a suit with a clipboard that I didn't recognize entered Reid's room. Bob walked over to Reid, took his pulse, looked at the heart monitor and nodded to the nurses. They began to unplug everything.
"No! What the hell are you doing!" I lunged at the nurses, trying to figure out how to hook Reid back up.
"Luke, it's time." My dad's voice said strongly. I felt his hand grip my arm.
"No!" I ripped my arm away from him. "I told Reid I wouldn't leave him!"
"And you didn't." His hand came to pet my hair. "It's over now, though."
"No! No!" I was shrieking at the top of my lungs. I swore if they pulled the sheet over Reid's head I would have flipped out and started killing people. "No! Dad no, you can't let them do this! I was talking to him a few minutes ago!"
"Luke." Bob's calm voice cut in to all my hysterics. "Reid is gone. But we need to move him fast, there's a good chance that his organ tissue matches Chris'. If so we can give Chris Reid's heart."
"What!" I was seething. "The hell your giving away Reid's heart! Is that all you care about? To save your son? Do you give a damn about Reid?!"
"Luke, we've waited long enough. We have to get Reid down to the O.R."
"I won't let you!"
"I'm sorry Luke, that's not your choice."
My father held me aside as the nurses, Dr. Hughes, and the man in the suit wheeled Reid out of the hospital room.
"Come back!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Come back! Reid, come back!" I collapsed into my father's arms, my knees too weak to support me, my whole body shaking and shivering. He held me tight, and close. His fingers petting my twisted hair, his strong arm wrapped around my back. I buried my face into his arm and sobbed like a baby. Reid. I need Reid. And he's gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I forced my dad to drive me to Katie and Reid's apartment. I wanted to pick up a few things before I went back home. I let myself in with the key Reid had only given me a few weeks ago. I did not announce my presence. I walked straight into Reid's room and grabbed the Harvard T-Shirt he'd let me wear to bed sometimes. I grabbed his stethoscope off his night stand. I walked out of his room and grabbed the couch cushion he used to hold when he was upset.
"Luke?" Katie emerged from Jacob's bedroom.
"I'm taking this stuff and I don't care what you say." I shot her the nastiest most scornful look I could muster.
"What the hell, Luke?"
"Your boyfriend gets to live. Reid had to die and now Chris gets to live. Why? Chris is stupid and lazy and I hate him and I wish he would have died!"
"Luke!" Katie's face shook in astonishment and fear.
"By, Katie." I scowled, walking out of her house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With my arms full of Reid's stuff I ran up to my room without a sound. I slipped on his T-shirt and lay his stethoscope on my nightstand. I got in to bed and held the cushion close against my chest. It didn't take long for the scent of Reid to fill me and for my memories to over flow, running down my cheeks.
"Luke?" A familiar voice asked behind my door. "Can I come in?"
"I want to be alone, Noah."
"Yeah well I don't want you to be alone tonight."
"Oh by all means, whatever you want."
I heard the click of the door. Slowly Noah came in, shutting the door behind him. I felt his weight rest against the corner of the bed, his hand touch the small of my back.
"Don't!" I yelled much too loud, turning and slapping Noah's hand away. "Don't touch me!"
"Luke, I'm worried about you."
"Oh you're right, it's been about five minutes, I should be over Reid now, right?"
"That's not what I said." His voice sounded genuine. "I'm worried about you, I don't want you being alone tonight. I'm going to stay with you."
"Fine." I mumbled, my face stuffed into Reid's cushion. "But on the chair." I pointed behind me to an arm chair near my bookcase.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I felt Noah's weight shift as he got up, walked across the room, sat down in the arm chair. "I'm here, Luke. Whatever you need, I'm here."
"I need Reid, and there's nothing you can do about that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up raw in the morning. My eyes burned, every time I breathed in my lungs pinched together, dry and tired. My throat and tonsils felt swollen. I looked around my room. The sun filtered in through the blinds, it must have been about 9am. Noah had left, but I heard voices downstairs, so they weren't completely gone. I dressed in jeans, my green polo, and my red zip up jacket. I took Reid's stethoscope off my night stand and wrapped it around my neck. Doing one last twist of the hair in the mirror, what Reid would always tease me about, I walked downstairs to see Ethan, Faith, Natalie, Mom, Dad and Noah sitting around the breakfast table eating waffles with strawberry sauce.
"Hey Luke." My mother said gently with much too big of a smile on her face. "Come and eat with us."
I fingered the tubing of Reid's stethoscope. My stomach growled, but the more I looked at the waffles the more I could see Reid stuffing his mouth and getting strawberry sauce all over his face. "Not hungry." I turned to walk out.
"Luke, you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."
"I'm not hungry!"
"Luke."
"Stop saying my name! I'm not a child!"
"We're worried about you. You need to eat."
"How can I? When food only reminds me of Reid."
Noah got up then and walked cautiously towards me. "Yeah, Reid liked his food." He gave a small chuckle. "He'd want you to eat it. Eat it and remember him. You know he'd never want any food to go to waste."
For the first time since Reid's accident I smiled. "Yeah." I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes. "You're right." I sat down to breakfast and shoveled three waffles with all the fixings into my mouth. I wanted to make Reid proud.
"I'm going to go out now." I stood abruptly.
"Where are you going?"
"The hospital."
"Luke, do you think that's a good idea?"
"I'll be back later."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey Bob?" I asked, finding Dr. Hughes in the hallway.
"Luke, I didn't expect to see you here." He looked me up and down oddly. Reid's stethoscope still handing around my neck.
"I was wondering if you could let me into Reid's office?"
"Sure, son." I walked with Bob and he unlocked Reid's office for me.
"I'll be a few minutes."
"Of course, take all the time you need."
I sat at Reid's desk,fingering the bell of his stethoscope looking over all the nicknacks he had, which weren't many. Mostly doctor related, a mug with pencils, a laptop for work. His college degrees hung on the wall, a few framed photos on his desk. I remember when I gave them to him, he had protested that the nurses would no longer be scared of him. Bob was pleased that Reid was becoming more of a human. I held one of the frames in my hand. Reid's blue eyes sparkled even from the mat finish of the photo. He was smiling, the smile that he reserved only for me when I was being cute and challenging his wit.
"Luke?" Bob peeked his head back in the door.
"Yeah?"
"Chris had his surgery last night. It went very smoothly. We kept him under overnight and he's about to wake up. I wondered if you'd like to be the first to see him?"
"I don't know…"
"I think it would be good for you."
I put the frame down and nodded. Holding on to the ends of Reid's stethoscope I walked out the door and followed Bob to the cardiac ICU.
"Go ahead." Bob motioned to the hospital room door. "I'll stand outside and guard the door." He winked at me with his crinkled eyes.
I stepped into the room slowly. Chris looked peaceful, like Reid had. He had many more machines attached to him, a lot more IV bags hung. In the middle of his chest was a black/red scar running from just below his collar bones down to just above his belly button. Slowly I made my way into the room, sitting down beside Chris. I stared at him for awhile. His face was pink, his lips looked moist. I touched his hand and it was warm. Tentatively, with a shaking hand, I placed my hand on the left side of his chest. I closed my eyes and smiled, the familiar heart beat. Quickly I slung Reid's stethoscope off from around my neck and placed it in my ears, holding the bell to Chris' chest. All the pain and sorrow I felt flooded away from me. I felt a sense of serenity flow through me. I put the stethoscope back around my neck and laid my ear down against Chris' chest, my arms wrapping around his neck, listening.
"Katie?" Chris' voice was raw.
"Oh." I sat up quickly. "Hey, Chris, it's me, Luke."
"Luke? Oh, hey?" His eyes adjusted from the light, trying to blink away the anesthesia.
"You got a new heart." I smiled stupidly.
"Yeah, I got lucky."
"Yes you did. You got the biggest heart I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault." I forced a smile. "Chris can I ask you something, and it's going to sound, maybe gay or something, but I was wondering if every now and then I could lay with you and listen to your… Reid's heart beat?"
Chris took awhile to answer, "Yeah, of course. It's the least I could do."
"Thanks." The tears are welling in my eyes again. "Do you mind?"
"No, but don't let Katie see you." He cracked a smile.
I grinned and laid my head back down against his chest. Reid was still with me. I could feel his heart beat.
__________________________________________
Comments appreciated :)
Author: [info]Hotlen/Stonehouse
Genre: Angst, heartbreak
Warnings: END GAME SPOILERS!!!! Extreme sadness and heart break.
Rating: G, unless you think heart break should be rated R, and then R
Spoilers: ALL OF THEM
Characters: Luke/Reid, Katie/Chris, Holden, Noah, ect
Disclaimer: Once again, endgame spoilers revealed. Don't read if you don't want to know.
Summary: How does Luke move on? One shot.
Authors Note: This is the first time I'm posting here, so I hope I did it right!
I bolted down the hall way of Memorial Hospital. I had run through these corridors too many times before. For my mother, my sister, my father, Noah. But never like this. Never with the aching dread of impossibility. I skidded around the corner, my parents trying to keep up, nearly colliding with a nurse and Dr. Hughes.
"Let me in I want to see him!" I demanded, almost out of breath.
"Luke, the nurses are getting him settled in, you'll have to wait a few minutes."
"Now!" I had never yelled at any of my elders with such veracity before.
"Luke, I need to tell you about Reid's condition."
"No, please…" My voice rice paper thin.
"He had extensive internal damage. Before he got to the hospital he had bled out quite a bit. We repaired what we could, gave him transfusions, but he lost a lot of blood for a long period of time. His organs began to shut down. Luke, I don't believe that Reid is going to make it… I'm sorry but I want to be honest with you. We're making him as comfortable as we can."
"No." I shook my head over and over. "No, no, no. I want to see him! Let me see him!" I started screaming rubbish at the top of my lungs.
"Luke, calm down." I felt my father's arms wrap around from behind me, holding me back, keeping me from Reid's room.
"Let go!" I screamed, forcefully tearing myself away from my father's grip, making my get away to Reid's hospital room door, plunging in, almost tripping over myself. Reid lay peacefully on the bed, an IV in his hand, a telemetry unit stuck to his chest, blood pressure cuff around his arm. Two nurses buzzed around him. I sat down on the stool beside Reid's bed. I took up his hand and kissed each knuckle.
"Hey, Reid." My voice cracked. His hands were ice cold, his face grey. "Hey, baby it's Luke." I tried to stay strong, send positive vibes, but the tears streaked down my cheek, tickling my nose and dripping off my chin. The first tear let to the next and soon they paraded out of my eyes. "Oh God, Reid." I lay my head against his chest, one of my hands still holding his, the other caressing his pale face. "Reid, please please please please don't do this." My jaw shook and I clenched my teeth together. I pressed my face into his chest, trying to muffle out the sobs.
"Huh.. what?" I heard a far off strained voice, but it still held traces of Reid. I sat back up in the bed.
"Reid? Open your eyes."
"Luke?" His eyes flickered open, they were hallow and far away.
"Yeah, it's me." I took up his hand again in mine and held it to my lips.
He looked at the scene around him. "Why am I in the hospital? Why are you crying?"
"You had an accident, don't you remember?"
"No."
"That's good, honey, that's real good."
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm scared."
"Why?" I shook my head, tasting new tears against my lips. "Let me see my chart." I shook my head again, holding tight to his hand. "Let me see my chart, Luke!" He yelled with every ounce of strength he had.
"No, I won't."
"So." He sighed, laying back in the bed, "That bad?"
"I'm so glad you're awake. How are you feeling?"
"Cold." His voice sounded of childhood.
"Okay, I'll call the nurse to come in and get a blanket." I pushed the nurse call button and told her to bring in blankets. "She'll be here soon, okay Reid?"
"Hmmm?" His eyes were closed again, his breath ragged.
"Wait, Reid, open your eyes, there's something I need to tell you before you go to sleep."
"What's that?" He swallowed hard and opened his eyes again to me. His deep blue eyes now lighter, almost white.
"I love you, Reid. I am so in love with you."
He reached a shaky hand up to my face, cupping my cheek like he always did when he wanted to make a point. "I'm in love with you too, Luke."
"Don't forget that, okay?" I could feel my nose draining uncried tears.
"Same for you." He forced a weak smile. I leaned over and gently pressed my lips to his. They were cold, dry, weak.
There was a knock on the door and I looked up, still holding Reid's hand. "Come in."
Bob and Katie stepped in. Bob had a stiff upper lip, Katie's eye make up had run all over her face.
"Oh Reid!" She collapsed on top of his chest, her blonde hair flooding over his face. She held on to him tight as she sobbed into his shoulder.
"Hey, come on now, Katie, no leaking." His free hand pet down her hair.
Katie stood up, wiping her eyes, only succeeding in smearing her make up further. "I'm sorry, I can't help it."
"So, Bob-O," Reid smirked. "Can I see my chart?"
"No!" I protested, shooting Bob a stern look.
"Sure, Reid." He picked the chart up from the counter top and handed it to Reid.
He slowly flipped through the papers, reading every line carefully. The more he read, the slower his eyes moved, the bigger they got. Finally he shut them and with energy he must have gathered from deep within, flung the chart against the wall, clattering to the ground. "Shit!" In seconds he broke down. I had never seen tears fall from Dr. Reid Oliver's eyes, but there, in a second, he cried every tear he had ever held inside.
"Reid!" I hugged my arms around his shoulders, burying his head against my neck. Silently, knowingly, Katie and Bob left the room.
"Oh, God, Luke."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"In my line of work I've seen so many people die. I never thought one would be me."
"Reid, calm down, you have to keep up your strength." Suddenly all my tears dried and I found a new resilience stored deep within me.
"You'll stay with me, right? Stay with me."
"I'm not leaving your side, I promise you." I ran my finger along his lower eyelashes, gathering his glistening tears. "I'm right here, you won't be alone."
"I love you, I've loved you for so long Luke and I was stupid and scared. So much stood in our way and it was bullshit."
"It was." I agreed, "I should have let you make love to me a long time ago, but I was stupid and scared too."
"I would have married you."
"I know." My words are horse, "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."
"I did too, well, I guess I will."
"Don't say that, Reid, please don't say it. I can't take it."
"Come here." His hand laid weakly on the back of my neck. "Kiss me, I think I can handle it better if your lips are against me."
I leaned in and kissed him softly. The kiss grew deeper, I had to taste him, I wanted him to taste me, one last time. "I love you." I whispered one last time, I could feel him fading from my touch.
"Love…too…"
"Reid, don't." My eyes fogged with tears and I fell against his chest, clutching his hospital gown.
"Luke?"
I sat upright, wiping my eyes, I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes. Reid's eyes were closed, his lips tinted with blue. I looked behind me to see my father in the door way. Through the window my mother and Noah stood waiting.
"Luke, it's time to go now."
"No! No I told Reid I wouldn't leave him!"
Behind my father a team of nurses, Bob, and a man dressed in a suit with a clipboard that I didn't recognize entered Reid's room. Bob walked over to Reid, took his pulse, looked at the heart monitor and nodded to the nurses. They began to unplug everything.
"No! What the hell are you doing!" I lunged at the nurses, trying to figure out how to hook Reid back up.
"Luke, it's time." My dad's voice said strongly. I felt his hand grip my arm.
"No!" I ripped my arm away from him. "I told Reid I wouldn't leave him!"
"And you didn't." His hand came to pet my hair. "It's over now, though."
"No! No!" I was shrieking at the top of my lungs. I swore if they pulled the sheet over Reid's head I would have flipped out and started killing people. "No! Dad no, you can't let them do this! I was talking to him a few minutes ago!"
"Luke." Bob's calm voice cut in to all my hysterics. "Reid is gone. But we need to move him fast, there's a good chance that his organ tissue matches Chris'. If so we can give Chris Reid's heart."
"What!" I was seething. "The hell your giving away Reid's heart! Is that all you care about? To save your son? Do you give a damn about Reid?!"
"Luke, we've waited long enough. We have to get Reid down to the O.R."
"I won't let you!"
"I'm sorry Luke, that's not your choice."
My father held me aside as the nurses, Dr. Hughes, and the man in the suit wheeled Reid out of the hospital room.
"Come back!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Come back! Reid, come back!" I collapsed into my father's arms, my knees too weak to support me, my whole body shaking and shivering. He held me tight, and close. His fingers petting my twisted hair, his strong arm wrapped around my back. I buried my face into his arm and sobbed like a baby. Reid. I need Reid. And he's gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I forced my dad to drive me to Katie and Reid's apartment. I wanted to pick up a few things before I went back home. I let myself in with the key Reid had only given me a few weeks ago. I did not announce my presence. I walked straight into Reid's room and grabbed the Harvard T-Shirt he'd let me wear to bed sometimes. I grabbed his stethoscope off his night stand. I walked out of his room and grabbed the couch cushion he used to hold when he was upset.
"Luke?" Katie emerged from Jacob's bedroom.
"I'm taking this stuff and I don't care what you say." I shot her the nastiest most scornful look I could muster.
"What the hell, Luke?"
"Your boyfriend gets to live. Reid had to die and now Chris gets to live. Why? Chris is stupid and lazy and I hate him and I wish he would have died!"
"Luke!" Katie's face shook in astonishment and fear.
"By, Katie." I scowled, walking out of her house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With my arms full of Reid's stuff I ran up to my room without a sound. I slipped on his T-shirt and lay his stethoscope on my nightstand. I got in to bed and held the cushion close against my chest. It didn't take long for the scent of Reid to fill me and for my memories to over flow, running down my cheeks.
"Luke?" A familiar voice asked behind my door. "Can I come in?"
"I want to be alone, Noah."
"Yeah well I don't want you to be alone tonight."
"Oh by all means, whatever you want."
I heard the click of the door. Slowly Noah came in, shutting the door behind him. I felt his weight rest against the corner of the bed, his hand touch the small of my back.
"Don't!" I yelled much too loud, turning and slapping Noah's hand away. "Don't touch me!"
"Luke, I'm worried about you."
"Oh you're right, it's been about five minutes, I should be over Reid now, right?"
"That's not what I said." His voice sounded genuine. "I'm worried about you, I don't want you being alone tonight. I'm going to stay with you."
"Fine." I mumbled, my face stuffed into Reid's cushion. "But on the chair." I pointed behind me to an arm chair near my bookcase.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I felt Noah's weight shift as he got up, walked across the room, sat down in the arm chair. "I'm here, Luke. Whatever you need, I'm here."
"I need Reid, and there's nothing you can do about that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up raw in the morning. My eyes burned, every time I breathed in my lungs pinched together, dry and tired. My throat and tonsils felt swollen. I looked around my room. The sun filtered in through the blinds, it must have been about 9am. Noah had left, but I heard voices downstairs, so they weren't completely gone. I dressed in jeans, my green polo, and my red zip up jacket. I took Reid's stethoscope off my night stand and wrapped it around my neck. Doing one last twist of the hair in the mirror, what Reid would always tease me about, I walked downstairs to see Ethan, Faith, Natalie, Mom, Dad and Noah sitting around the breakfast table eating waffles with strawberry sauce.
"Hey Luke." My mother said gently with much too big of a smile on her face. "Come and eat with us."
I fingered the tubing of Reid's stethoscope. My stomach growled, but the more I looked at the waffles the more I could see Reid stuffing his mouth and getting strawberry sauce all over his face. "Not hungry." I turned to walk out.
"Luke, you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."
"I'm not hungry!"
"Luke."
"Stop saying my name! I'm not a child!"
"We're worried about you. You need to eat."
"How can I? When food only reminds me of Reid."
Noah got up then and walked cautiously towards me. "Yeah, Reid liked his food." He gave a small chuckle. "He'd want you to eat it. Eat it and remember him. You know he'd never want any food to go to waste."
For the first time since Reid's accident I smiled. "Yeah." I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes. "You're right." I sat down to breakfast and shoveled three waffles with all the fixings into my mouth. I wanted to make Reid proud.
"I'm going to go out now." I stood abruptly.
"Where are you going?"
"The hospital."
"Luke, do you think that's a good idea?"
"I'll be back later."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey Bob?" I asked, finding Dr. Hughes in the hallway.
"Luke, I didn't expect to see you here." He looked me up and down oddly. Reid's stethoscope still handing around my neck.
"I was wondering if you could let me into Reid's office?"
"Sure, son." I walked with Bob and he unlocked Reid's office for me.
"I'll be a few minutes."
"Of course, take all the time you need."
I sat at Reid's desk,fingering the bell of his stethoscope looking over all the nicknacks he had, which weren't many. Mostly doctor related, a mug with pencils, a laptop for work. His college degrees hung on the wall, a few framed photos on his desk. I remember when I gave them to him, he had protested that the nurses would no longer be scared of him. Bob was pleased that Reid was becoming more of a human. I held one of the frames in my hand. Reid's blue eyes sparkled even from the mat finish of the photo. He was smiling, the smile that he reserved only for me when I was being cute and challenging his wit.
"Luke?" Bob peeked his head back in the door.
"Yeah?"
"Chris had his surgery last night. It went very smoothly. We kept him under overnight and he's about to wake up. I wondered if you'd like to be the first to see him?"
"I don't know…"
"I think it would be good for you."
I put the frame down and nodded. Holding on to the ends of Reid's stethoscope I walked out the door and followed Bob to the cardiac ICU.
"Go ahead." Bob motioned to the hospital room door. "I'll stand outside and guard the door." He winked at me with his crinkled eyes.
I stepped into the room slowly. Chris looked peaceful, like Reid had. He had many more machines attached to him, a lot more IV bags hung. In the middle of his chest was a black/red scar running from just below his collar bones down to just above his belly button. Slowly I made my way into the room, sitting down beside Chris. I stared at him for awhile. His face was pink, his lips looked moist. I touched his hand and it was warm. Tentatively, with a shaking hand, I placed my hand on the left side of his chest. I closed my eyes and smiled, the familiar heart beat. Quickly I slung Reid's stethoscope off from around my neck and placed it in my ears, holding the bell to Chris' chest. All the pain and sorrow I felt flooded away from me. I felt a sense of serenity flow through me. I put the stethoscope back around my neck and laid my ear down against Chris' chest, my arms wrapping around his neck, listening.
"Katie?" Chris' voice was raw.
"Oh." I sat up quickly. "Hey, Chris, it's me, Luke."
"Luke? Oh, hey?" His eyes adjusted from the light, trying to blink away the anesthesia.
"You got a new heart." I smiled stupidly.
"Yeah, I got lucky."
"Yes you did. You got the biggest heart I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault." I forced a smile. "Chris can I ask you something, and it's going to sound, maybe gay or something, but I was wondering if every now and then I could lay with you and listen to your… Reid's heart beat?"
Chris took awhile to answer, "Yeah, of course. It's the least I could do."
"Thanks." The tears are welling in my eyes again. "Do you mind?"
"No, but don't let Katie see you." He cracked a smile.
I grinned and laid my head back down against his chest. Reid was still with me. I could feel his heart beat.
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